The shadow

[Weeping Willow]

although no one actually said anything on the first one i posted i'll try again.

* I translated it from hebrew hope it sounds ok...

The shadow.

Walking.
Walking after my shadow
And my shadow it follows me while i follow it.
We don't get along me and my shadow always reversed.
I'm white and it, black.
I'm short and it, tall.
Simply reversed.
So why are you here i ask?
And my shadow, my shadow does not answer.
Always so quiet.
As if it has nothing to say.
But the truth is, he know everything about me.
I can learn so much from my shadow.
Because i'm my shadow and my shadow is me.

[Virgil]

OK. First a preface. Poetry is so dependant on the language that some or sometimes a lot of the peoticism gets lost when translated. My comments here be based on the english, so they may not apply to the Hebrew. My definition of poetry is charged language, meaning that the poet has done something to energize the language from the ordinary. Poets use lots of techniques to do this: imagery (we are visual animals), sounds (alliteration, rhyme), rhythm, and most importantly turns of phrases that are not common. All of that makes the language more interesting, more powerful. Let's look at this almost line by line

I could divide the poem into two halves:


Walking.
Walking after my shadow
And my shadow it follows me while i follow it.
We don't get along me and my shadow always reversed.
I'm white and it, black.
I'm short and it, tall.
Simply reversed.

Your beginning is a little dangerous; a shadow is common place, so the imagery isn't creative. But on the other hand, we take our shadows for granted so in the way you point it out and in the way you play with who's following who is creative, so you make up for it. "Always reversed", I get that. Then come the two sentences which I think are the weakest of the poem:

I'm white and it, black.
I'm short and it, tall.

Unless I'm missing some paradoxical point that you're making, these sentences not only don't add anything, but because their imagery is commonplace and the language mundane (unless it's different for Hebrew) it actually detracts.

But your second half is actually quite better.

So why are you here i ask?
And my shadow, my shadow does not answer.
Always so quiet.
As if it has nothing to say.
But the truth is, he know everything about me.
I can learn so much from my shadow.
Because i'm my shadow and my shadow is me.


A question (So why are you here i ask?) to one's shadow is not common. You see how that's a charged line? Then, "And my shadow, my shadow does not answer." while not charged you need it to progress the logic of the poem, so I accept that. Because it implies that the shadow has thoughts and a working mind, "As if he has nothing to say" is also a charged line that creates interest. I might end the poem there. The last three lines, while not bad, may not offer anything more than what was implied by your best line "As if he has nothing to say."

I hope that helps. Not bad for a begining poet. Not that I'm a poet. In addition to all my lit classes I've taken a few creative writing classes too. If you have the time, I recommend you take a creative writing class. The assignments will help you understand the nuances of poetry and fiction, more so than the lit classes.

[Weeping Willow]

" I'm white and it, black.
I'm short and it, tall "

But these two line are writen in order to strengthen our diffreneces..
How me and my own shadow are not the same altough in the end i say that we are the same. because my shadow is actually me.. does it make sence??

[Virgil]

Yes, isn't that a given? Doesn't everybody already know that?

[Weeping Willow]

Could be but as you said yourself people tend to take thier shadow as a given and not even notice it's there?