A Curmudgeon Like Me

[starrwriter]

A recent piece from D. L. Stewart, a curmudgeon newspaper columnist in the tradition of H. L. Mencken and Mark Twain:


THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING

According to a frequently-reliable source, my name was mentioned on a local radio program recently.

Apparently the radio person cited me as an example of a grump. Although, he or she added, I was a "lovable" grump.

Naturally, I immediately contacted my attorney. I have worked far too hard building my reputation to have some broadcast twit refer to me as "lovable."

The grump part, of course, is true. I'm just about always grumpy. And you should be too.

Or maybe you've been too busy stopping and smelling the roses to notice the war, the hurricanes, the bird flu and the price of gasoline.

And if those weren't enough:

Developments in and around the White House are so discombobulated that people actually are starting to look back and think of Bill Clinton as a great president.

Winter is here and our heating bills are going to be higher than our mortgage payments.

Elvis is still dead.

Donald Trump is still on television.

My favorite football team stinks this year worse than it stank last year, and there is no reason to believe it is going to smell better any time soon.

With all those stories in the news every day, I don't see how anyone can help but be grumpy.

There are, to be sure, uplifting stories in the news every day. Way too many, in fact. What we need are a few more downlifting stories, the kind that will reassure readers that no matter how lousy their lives are, there are plenty of people whose lives are even lousier.

In my defense, I am an equal-opportunity grump. Democrats make me every bit as grumpy as Republicans. I get just as grouchy when I see liberal wackos hugging their trees as I do when I hear the religious righteous declaring they have God's unlisted cell phone number.

And, because I am just about always grumpy, I am hardly ever depressed. That's because of my Power of Negative Thinking philosophy, which is based on the theory that if you expect the worst, you'll never be disappointed.

Say, for instance, you drag yourself out of bed in the morning convinced that this is the day all of humanity will be wiped out by a plague of locusts or a giant Japanese lizard.

If those things happen, you won't be surprised. If they don't happen, you'll be happy.

Positive thinkers, on the other hand, wake up every morning with insufferable optimism.

So, they never are pleasantly surprised when good things happen, but always are disappointed when bad things happen.

Eventually I hope to turn my philosophy into a religion, which will enable me to go on television and weasel tax-deductible contributions that will make me rich and powerful enough to determine the selection of the next Supreme Court justice.

And you can rest assured the Church of the Negativity will do everything it can to make sure it's someone who will tip the balance of power in favor of grumps.

I'm thinking Andy Rooney.

[RobinHood3000]

To paraphrase the great Robin Williams...

"He makes Hannibal Lecter look well-adjusted!"

[starrwriter]

To paraphrase the great Robin Williams..."He makes Hannibal Lecter look well-adjusted!"
The power of negative thinking is the best antidote to the nausea of phony cheerfulness.

"Being well-adjusted to a dysfunctional society is not healthy." -- R. D. Laing

[RobinHood3000]

And whining about dysfunctional society helps how?

[starrwriter]

And whining about dysfunctional society helps how?
Laing wasn't whining. He was pointing out an indisputable if unfortunate fact and suggesting ways to deal with it. Read his book "The Politics of Experience."

Or do you see the world through rose-colored glasses?

[samercury]

Or maybe you've been too busy stopping and smelling the roses to notice the war, the hurricanes, the bird flu and the price of gasoline.

With all those stories in the news every day, I don't see how anyone can help but be grumpy.

Positive thinkers, on the other hand, wake up every morning with insufferable optimism.

So, they never are pleasantly surprised when good things happen, but always are disappointed when bad things happen.



:rolleyes:
sounds like whining...

What's wrong with positive thinking...most of the time
If life keeps on making you angry, it's going to drive to drive you insane...unless that's the way to deal with how bad life is.
Being grumpy once in a while is understandable, but all the time.

BTW- As a mostly positive thinker, I do get pleasantly surprised when good things happen.

[kilted exile]

I am often called pessimistic (prefer the term realist myself). Normally when someone suggests something I immediately think of all the ways it could go wrong, I believe in my line of work this is a necessary outlook to have.
I am also very suspicious of people who are always happy.

[RobinHood3000]

I was referring to Stewart, not Laing.

Being optimistic does not mean you expect good things to happen (despite pessimism meaning the expection of bad things), it means that you hope that good things happen, which is an important difference. Hoping for and focusing on the positive side of life is far healthier compared to the alternative. If you think negatively, no matter how many good things happen that are pleasantly surprising, there will always be some negative event, real or otherwise, waiting to happen. Negative thinking makes the pessimist unable to enjoy the positive because there will always be something else negative for him to spend time expecting.

In contrast, optimism focuses on the positive aspects, which are pleasing when they occur, while the absence of such is unnoticable and the opposite of such can be taken in stride. Thinking positively, interestingly enough, can give one the capacity to better handle negative events if and when they happen. Not that people should be unrealistic or irrational, as keeping one's feet on the ground (just barely) will probably aid in the preservation of sanity. But writing about how lousy the world is and how people should frown and bear it is somewhat less stellar than doing something about it with positive change in mind.

[starrwriter]

sounds like whining...
It's a HUMOR column. Lighten up, nimrod.


What's wrong with positive thinking?
It's highly over-rated as a strategy for dealing with real-world issues.


If life keeps on making you angry, it's going to drive to drive you insane.
Not unless you go insane a lot easier than I do. And, besides, it's not life that makes me cynical (more than angry.) It's people and the stupid things they do in society. Life itself is innocent.

[RobinHood3000]

It's a HUMOR column. Lighten up, nimrod.

"Nimrod"?? Now that was uncalled for, starrwriter.

[samercury]

It's a HUMOR column. Lighten up, nimrod.


It's highly over-rated as a strategy for dealing with real-world issues.


Not unless you go insane a lot easier than I do. And, besides, it's not life that makes me cynical (more than angry.) It's people and the stupid things they do in society. Life itself is innocent.

Humor?-What's that. I don't know what a nimrod is so I won't take offense

Positive-thinking is not an over-rated strategy...

Apparently, I do... :shrug:

[starrwriter]

"Nimrod"?? Now that was uncalled for, starrwriter.
In its literal meaning nimrod is an Old Testament term denoting a hunter. How is that uncalled for?

If you thought I intended the colloquial meaning, perhaps you were guilty of jumping to the wrong conclusion. Examine your own semantic preferences before criticizing other people.

[Virgil]

Oh, pooh to all the negative people. I'm with Sam. We're all (perhaps only almost all) realists. But either you have a positive look on life or a negative. Those with the negative look for failure, and, surprise, surprise, they tend to find it. Those with positive look on life, will tend to be happier and better adjusted.

[starrwriter]

Oh, pooh to all the negative people. I'm with Sam. We're all (perhaps only almost all) realists. But either you have a positive look on life or a negative. Those with the negative look for failure, and, surprise, surprise, they tend to find it. Those with positive look on life, will tend to be happier and better adjusted.
That's right, Virgil, just keep telling yourself that like a mantra. Pie in the sky bye and bye.

[RobinHood3000]

I know what it means, starr, and I believe you are guilty of trying to bait me. "Hunter" is just as far from applicable here as the colloquial definition of "idiot," and the only conceivable reason for you to use "nimrod" in the context you created was either as an insult or as a means to draw out an assumption.

If you want to argue semantics, then kindly call a "hunter" a "hunter" and leave no ambiguity. Otherwise, you are blatantly fishing for opportunities to condescend, under guise of innocence, towards any who chooses to defend samercury. "Lighten up" is hardly Biblical diction, and citing Old Testament definitions for informal usage will not avail you here.

[Koa]

I am often called pessimistic (prefer the term realist myself). Normally when someone suggests something I immediately think of all the ways it could go wrong, I believe in my line of work this is a necessary outlook to have.
I am also very suspicious of people who are always happy.

I'm with you. I just don't expect anything... if something good happens, I'll be terribly surprised (and tend not to believe it, or wonder when it will start going wrong ;)). But if nothing good happens, well I'm prepared... Positivity and hope bring to disillusion. Go with grumpiness!!! :D :D :D

[Nightshade]

OI!!!
well I for one am what I call a practicle optimist always plan expect the worst and have the lowest possible hopes then whatever you do get is FANTASTIC because obviously it cant be worse!
As for grrumpiness I think starr you would enjoy the biook grumpy old men. or the tv series or hey the radio series.

As for nimrod just googled it someinteresting meanings but somhow it just seemms to be misused somehow??
:)

and

[RobinHood3000]

NIMROD defined:


nim·rod Audio pronunciation of "nimrod" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (nmrd)
n.

1. also Nimrod A hunter.
2. Informal. A person regarded as silly, foolish, or stupid.

[Logos]

It's a HUMOR column. Lighten up, nimrod.


Looks like a jab to me and I doubt you were referring to samercury as a "hunter". Just because you're a "curmudgeon" doesn't give one licence to call people names here.

[rachel]

poor little Same, you are not a nimrod, either a hunter or the reason my adopted brother always said it to me,in otherwards a flaming idiot.
Wow Robinhood you are amazing. Hard hitting, direct and a complete bullseye with words. I want your autograph.
Don't be hard on dear Starr, it is his time of the month, guys' pms if you will
And Virgil I haven't heard pooh for the longest time. Are you a Brit.
I am a very dull boring person compared to you feisty characters and one little dove Samemercury.

[Virgil]

I am not a Brit. I don't think I have ever said pooh before. If I wasn't required to be polite, I probably would have used a baser word. I am a New Yorker, you know. We're not the most polite. Pooh just came out. My first audible reaction was phew, with my lips. As I typed my reply I adjusted it to pooh. Cynacism and negativity are attractive qualities in people.

[starrwriter]

I am not a Brit. I don't think I have ever said pooh before. If I wasn't required to be polite, I probably would have used a baser word. I am a New Yorker, you know. We're not the most polite. Pooh just came out. My first audible reaction was phew, with my lips. As I typed my reply I adjusted it to pooh. Cynacism and negativity are attractive qualities in people.

IT WAS A HUMOR COLUMN!

(You people are no fun at all.)

[Virgil]

I am not a Brit. I don't think I have ever said pooh before. If I wasn't required to be polite, I probably would have used a baser word. I am a New Yorker, you know. We're not the most polite. Pooh just came out. My first audible reaction was phew, with my lips. As I typed my reply I adjusted it to pooh. Cynacism and negativity are attractive qualities in people.
OOps. Typo on the last sentence. I meant:
Cynacism and negativity are not attractive qualities in people.

[rachel]

Ah New York. Where you wear black until something darker comes along. Manhatten, Central Park, the big Christmas tree. Magical. I guess you can't have all that magical beauty and totally cultured speech all the time as well. Then all the world would want to live there and then yikes think of strike time with the sanitations workers!
Virgil is a very interesting name. Do you think you could start a thread on you and we could all respond, or New York or maybe just the name Virgil.If not arguing and getting steamed right here is fine.
I lived with several pessimistic people growing up. It gave me brain fog. If I marvelled at the beauty of the sunny day they were checking the barometer for some sort of gigantic storm. If i commented on how dear an aquaintance was they went on and on for hours about their every fault until i couldn't remember what it was in fact I had even said in the beginning.
I like optimism, not fake but real. because even in the most terrible dark moment, many of which i have just been thru if you look up, past the dark clouds, you will see however faintly one shaft, perhaps thin and weak but one shaft of pure white light. And as long as you can keep it in view it will mesmerize and fill your heart and then the possibilities in life are endless.

[starrwriter]

...past the dark clouds, you will see however faintly one shaft, perhaps thin and weak but one shaft of pure white light. And as long as you can keep it in view it will mesmerize and fill your heart and then the possibilities in life are endless.
Are you trying to make me hurl? Dark clouds don't hide silver linings, they hide more dark clouds. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, only more darkness. The worst is yet to come. Optimism is a crutch. And so forth.

I once fell in love with a Negative Girl. She got rid of my illusions in no time.

[RobinHood3000]

For a cripple to go without a crutch is an act of foolishness, and many poisons are best disposed of by regurgitation. If you've never been to heaven, how can you see into the clouds?

[Nightshade]

sure they dont have silver linings they have Sunshine
even invisible lights still sushine!

[Virgil]

Ah New York. Where you wear black until something darker comes along. Manhatten, Central Park, the big Christmas tree. Magical. I guess you can't have all that magical beauty and totally cultured speech all the time as well. Then all the world would want to live there and then yikes think of strike time with the sanitations workers!
Virgil is a very interesting name. Do you think you could start a thread on you and we could all respond, or New York or maybe just the name Virgil.If not arguing and getting steamed right here is fine.
I lived with several pessimistic people growing up. It gave me brain fog. If I marvelled at the beauty of the sunny day they were checking the barometer for some sort of gigantic storm. If i commented on how dear an aquaintance was they went on and on for hours about their every fault until i couldn't remember what it was in fact I had even said in the beginning.
I like optimism, not fake but real. because even in the most terrible dark moment, many of which i have just been thru if you look up, past the dark clouds, you will see however faintly one shaft, perhaps thin and weak but one shaft of pure white light. And as long as you can keep it in view it will mesmerize and fill your heart and then the possibilities in life are endless.


Thanks. I'm not a pink shade optimist, just someone who looks for the bright side, tries to assess and then manage a situation for the best possible outcome, and works toward achieving it, not sitting on one's duff and hoping for the best. I've had my share of life's hardships, but I aim for the best. It irritates me when people are passive and then complain about the outcome. It's always best to be proactive and if it doesn't come out for the best, well, at least you tried.

As to my language, I grew up in Brooklyn, and we from Brooklyn have our rough edges. I introduced myself the other day on one of the intro threads. I beieve it was the one started by Pensive.

[rachel]

If I remember correctly in Casablanca when the senior nazi officer is interrogating Rick and asks him about his views on the war Rick advises him not to attack the U.S. and says something about Brooklyn.And what I think he meant was exactly what you said, you do something, anything and then when the dust settles whatever has occured you know you gave it your best. I loved loved loved the Brooklyn Dodgers when I was into baseball.
And go ahead and hurl Starr, let it all go, all that brattiness and grouchiness. In my world there is a shaft of light behind those clouds. I think you must be like the kid on the Polar express that couldn't hear the bells because.....he didn't Believe.
I think if you just try getting to bed earlier, eat a well balanced diet and drink milk instead of the hard stuff you just may find you are not a grouchy bear anymore but a purring kitten. I think all this hard hitting in the belt talk is mostly hypoglycemia and of course hormonal. But I am on your side, standing with you while you hurl and handing you the freshly cleaned and lovely smelling fluffy white towel to wipe your face. what is that you feel like hurling again ......

[Virgil]

Rachel - Are you old enough to know the Brooklyn Dodgers?

[Aurora Ariel]

I quite like the description of visionary and a futurist.Many great thinkers were also visionaries.I do believe in improvement, self-awareness , humanity's advancement, and forms of love.I prefer to turn the negatives into positives and hold onto hope(honesty, I do, despite the "cliche").I think sometimes the world tries to dissolve some of the endearing characteristics of our youth and make people become only more negative and depressed, all the time, about the future, but I would like to retain a child-like energy and youthful optimism and forever remain young at heart, though without the mental ignorance; and still able to grow intellectually as I learn and discover more.One can maintain the rational faculty of thought and be an optimist.For many, downcast energy and perpetual depression actually help no one in the end, there are no improvements, productive activities, self-growth, and humanity is left stagnant.I think there can be a chain-reaction of negativity if one if constantly surrounded by those who are only pessimistic about things.The world can improve if more people open their minds and believe in the material realisation of improvement, which starts with altering the state of one's mind and focusing on more positive thoughts.I strongly disagree that it's silly or foolish to have hope and truly want to improve.I actually think it's wise.

*Rachel, I also love the radiance of white light on an awakening day, and white light from the sun itself is a mixture of all the colours of the rainbow.All the more beautiful.:)

[RobinHood3000]

Precisely, Aurora, I agree completely. Cynicism may make for the occasionally amusing newspiece, but it's important to focus on the positive and the potential in order to invoke change.

Would you like a bucket, starr?

[Virgil]

I quite like the desciption of visionary and a futurist.Many great thinkers were also visionaries.I do believe in improvement, self-awareness , humanity's advancement, and forms of love.I prefer to turn the negatives into positives and hold onto hope(honesty, I do, despite the "cliche").I think sometimes the world tries to dissolve some of the endearing characteristics of our youth and make people become only more negative and depressed, all the time, about the future, but I would like to retain a child-like energy and youthful optimism and forever remain young at heart, though without the mental ignorance; and still able to grow intellectually as I learn and discover more.One can maintain the rational faculty of thought and be an optimist.For many, downcast energy and perpetual depression actually help no one in the end, there are no improvements, productive activities, self-growth, and humanity is left stagnant.I think there can be a chain-reaction of negativity if one if constantly surrounded by those who are only pessimistic about things.The world can improve if more people open their minds and believe in the material realisation of improvement, which starts with altering the state of one's mind and focusing on more positive thoughts.I strongly disagree that it's silly or foolish to have hope and truly want to improve.I actually think it's wise.

*Rachel, I also love the radiance of white light on an awakening day, and white light from the sun itself is a mixture of all the colours of the rainbow.All the more beautiful.:)


Aurora - Outstanding. You've said it best.

[rachel]

i loved loved the Brooklyn dodgers because of a book. And then I watched all sorts of those black and white news reels i think you call them. everyone walks faster than our car runs. And i fell in love with them. couldn't help myself.
Virgil did you ever meet mayor julianni, what was he like.? and i am embarrassed to say i can't even remember the new mayor's name.

oh yes and I greatly admired Winston Churchill too no I'm not.

[rachel]

Aurora, thank you and your very name is like a prism of hope.
I worked for a long time with battered and abused children and those at risk.No matter how dark things looked I never let them see anything but hope in me for their future. I didn't hide anything, but since I was also one of them and came thru it to many good things I believed anything was possible. And after a while the ministry and govl.authorities would only bring the children that needed help the most to me because of my high rate of success. i had nothing much going for me, I had not gone to university nor had the greatest knowledge about children. but i was one and I lived a life that to be honest even a neurologist that saw me because of a severe beating and head injury couldn't understand how I had lived my young life and not become brain damaged or mentally ill. I had to see a shrink who said I had an amazing capacity for seeing things clearly and for forgiveness.
So you see pessimism would not work for me. I don't put down those that are, they have their reasons. but to me if it goes on it becomes like a cancer and kills everything around it.

[Anon22]

To me neither works. Thinking only on the negative becomes somewhat of a game of chance. You think so much on the negative that if something good happens you'll be happy, if something bad happens you've already prepared yourself. I emphasize "if" though. It's near impossible to do something right if you think only in the negative(so it becomes a game of chance since your not doing much to increase your chances of success), and so you must think of the positive. With positive though, if something doesn't work the way you expected the fall would be harder and the stun would be worser, resulting in a similar effect(you are now thinking of the worst, unless you have strong optimism). The best way, for me anyways, to think is to consider both the worst and the best. Once you've considered the worst you have prepared yourself for the fall, and since you've considered the best the motivation and determination becomes stronger making it easier for you to succeed. Life is unexpected, it just simply is, always consider both outcomes and you shall never be let down.

[Virgil]

from Rachel:


if it goes on it becomes like a cancer and kills everything around it.

Pessimism and cynacism over time warps the soul. It precludes you from personal progress.

[starrwriter]

Pessimism and cynacism over time warps the soul. It precludes you from personal progress.
Oh my God. I've wandered into a self-improvement seminar.

And a New Yorker who can't spell cynicism.

Where's that towel, Rachel? And please don't tell me to read this stuff sober.

[Virgil]

LOL very hard. You're right. I can't spell. Why don't we get spell check on this darn thing. Star, we're about as far apart in the U.S.A. as possible. One night we'll have to plan it so that you have a drink at your end, and I at my end, and then we can say we had a drink together. Whatever you do, I don't want you to vomit.

[starrwriter]

LOL very hard. You're right. I can't spell. Why don't we get spell check on this darn thing. Star, we're about as far apart in the U.S.A. as possible. One night we'll have to plan it so that you have a drink at your end, and I at my end, and then we can say we had a drink together. Whatever you do, I don't want you to vomit.
Finally, someone gets my twisted sense of humor. I was beginning to see the villagers lighting their torches to come for the monster.

[RobinHood3000]

Oy!! Don't ferget yer pitchforks, ev'rybody!!

Cheers, fellas :p.

[Aurora Ariel]

Virgil and RobinHood, thank you for your generosity.You both appear quite enlightened and reflective kind of individuals.And thank you, rachel, for your extremely kind words.Even from here one senses the sincerity.I would also like to express the innermost veneration I feel towards those who have dedicated their time to such worthwhile causes.Good luck in the future.You sound like a truly great person, with an undoutedbly noble spirit.I'm taking a temporary break from the forum, but I wish everyone well.
Hope is always there to find, if you search hard enough.

[starrwriter]

Virgil and RobinHood, thank you for your generosity.You both appear quite enlightened and reflective kind of individuals.And thank you, rachel, for your extremely kind words.Even from here one senses the sincerity.I would also like to express the innermost veneration I feel towards those who have dedicated their time to such worthwhile causes. Good luck in the future.You sound like a truly great person, with an undoutedbly noble spirit.I'm taking a temporary break from the forum, but I wish everyone well.
Hope is always there to find, if you search hard enough.
I hope Aurora Ariel isn't leaving because of this thread, which I intended to be humor more than anything else.

[RobinHood3000]

Actually, I think it's because of the sudden passing of her grandmother...

[Nightshade]

NOO!! no spell checker then Id have to spend hours right clicking everything to find out how to spell it.
Very selfish reason but thre you go
:D

[starrwriter]

NOO!! no spell checker then Id have to spend hours right clicking everything to find out how to spell it.
There are free spell checker programs available to download from the web. You don't have to click anything, the misspelled words are highlighted and the correct spelling is listed.

Search Google for "free spell checkers."

If you ever want to be a professional writer, you have to learn how to produce correctly spelled text.

[RobinHood3000]

Alternately, you could just do your writing on a word processor with which spell-check comes standard...however, I think the point Nightshade is making is that her dyslexia makes it more difficult for her than for most to correct all of her spelling.

[Nightshade]

There are free spell checker programs available to download from the web. You don't have to click anything, the misspelled words are highlighted and the correct spelling is listed.

Search Google for "free spell checkers."

If you ever want to be a professional writer, you have to learn how to produce correctly spelled text.
If I ever want to be a proffesional write Id pay some poor money desperate teen to read it and fix al the spelling mistakes.
and see even yu said it involves alot of clicking they are highlighteed so you click to get a list but then how do you know which word on the list is the one you want if they are all nearlyish the same. I couldnt say nearlyish or confuzzled either :D :nod:
I do occasionally write in word then copy and paste but it doesnt like smiley codes and it would take FOREVER!
although like I told robin in another thread if your complaining about my spelling I will attempt to be more careful (for a while at least):D