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ibsen
12-08-2005, 01:54 PM
The virgin


the last night was not like its before, yes ,all of them are the same , the atmosphere was rough and the heat of the wall made it rougher, the mosquitoes was not quiet in the night, the quietness of the home doesn't make the serenity in himself, most of the windows were open ,his mind was busy and his senses were exhausted, he did not pay attention that he is wearing the shoes on the bed, he raised to get coffee but he remembered something important ! can he come back as he went , there were a lot of disarranged clothes, although the ugliness of the of the rooms but some kind of harmony was clear on it ,the cigarette was after the cigarette , he felt by a quiet lust when he took off his clothes , he looked to the mirror , he troubled for seeing the black haloes under his eyes , he felt coldness in his limbs, he went to the bathroom , he washed his face , depilate his armpit , embrocated his hair, put on his perfume, wore his best clothes, he looked to Margaret Thatcher's picture remembering with smile her state (the biggest mercy on the poor is that we let him alive) he looked at the clock and it was 2 at night , he got down the stairs fatly , the screaming of the cats and her marriage clamor attracted his attention and he did not hesitated to stand and see , minutes and he kept going , for his noisy getting down the doorman irritately came out, he saw him and saw the angry on his face , the doorman alerted him that he will shut the gate of the edifice after his going , he does not pay him attention and asked him
-- can i ask u question aam* gom3a*
--sure my son
he asked him in quietness and sense of confidences
-- am i have a beautiful face?
he expected his reaction before he move his mouse
-- ohh no strength nor will but from allah my son the men are not valued by them beauty!
he does not wait tell he can finish his speak and intended not to hear what he will say , he went out from the building and crossed the another way, he indicated to taxi and the driver did not hesitated to accept him , the driver tried to talk but he sharply replied and the driver did not repeat it , the driver went rapidly, he did not withstander towards the window air so he closed it ,many things attracted his attention , he saw a sever strike emitted the blood from its sides, he felt the desire to hiding , remembered to many things but he did not get unhappy, he were angry from feeling the philosophy , he looked to the windows another time an immediate
--(who did not doubt will not reach)
--(what the man can get if he gain the world and lost himself....?)
--(the thing does not equal its opposite equal them both)
--(if u saw someone who is about to fall push him and pounce on him and everyone u failed to learn him how to fly learn him how to fall)
he gave the driver a lot and walked more tell the existence of the people and the light were lessened, his feet drowned in the sand
but the hospital did not close its doors , he walked between few trees while smoking excessively .
he saw here from far distance , and followed her tell she went alone , she went without feeling by him , she looked back but she found nothing , she scared but from the silence , she looked back again but in this time he did not give her the chance to see whom on her body , he did not expect all this violence but he expected his shock in his body strength , on the scream and the sand and the ground it was not strange that the blood is new element on this mix , she resisted but to everything an end , he did not finish from this safe , he was wiping the falling blood from hi head on his head and he did not care that it is a lot, he felt the big approach , his body got quiet but his bleed continued , he took her clothes off , he waited for moments , it increased . he saw a cold dry blood , his tears mixed with his blood, his strength weakened and he felt by the deep sleep , he lied beside her , the night was not quiet for long time when the morning came with scream of ambulance which took the tow bodies and went far.


__________________________________________________ ___________________
* aam : is a nick name we gave in Egypt to the old and uneducated men
*gom3a: name
*the sayer is( imam el ghazaly)
*the sayer is jesus
*the sayer is heigel
* the sayer is neizche

Countess
12-08-2005, 05:20 PM
I take it English isn't your primary language. To write a good story that can be appreciated, you must really master the language of your audience.

I suggest writing in your native tongue and let an interpreter translate or attend some classes - your ideas may be good but your grammar is horrendous (and I am a stickler for good grammar.)

C

Lautschrift
12-08-2005, 06:18 PM
you seem to have a story worked out here,somehow
i can read your story , but your sentence structure is very confusing
i believe you need a translater

I know how hard it can be to write in a different language,
believe me , i have been through the whole scenario myself

Why is your short story titeld Virgin