Italian student needing some help

[felipebattisti]

Hello everyone,

I’m an italian student (in marketing), and I’m trying to build my own touristic company in Roma.

And I need some help and suggestions from english speaking people (canadians, british, americans, autralians…)

In this company, I want to offer people coming in Roma a romantic experience in a personalized theatre.

But my english is very bad, and I asked to friends of mine to traduct my webpage in english.

I received four proposals, and I don’t know wich of them is the most professional, the better for american and british people.

Here is the link of theses traductions :
http://ezaesqf4798.site.voila.fr/thetest.htm
When there is a “?”, that’s because the paragraph is not yet traducted.

Could you please say me wich of these is better, for me ?
Could you please say me, for each of these, if the traduction is very good, good, poor, bad, or very bad ?
If you want, you can send me an email to : [email protected] to give me your indications and suggestions.
The traduction need to be as “poetic” as it was when I wrote it in italian. The traduction need to be “magic” for my customers. People need to want to buy such an experience, reading the webpage.

I really need your help ! It’s very very important for me !

I need to succeed in creating my own job !

Thanks :-)

Felipe Battisti

[Union Jack]

Hello Felipe,
I think that it is good that you are starting you're own bussines. There are problems with your translations however. The Itallian has been transliterated, that is, taken word from word to english, instead of translated. Through such a process, the original "poetic" nature of the text, apparent in italian is lost. The enlgish becomes very awkward and unwieldy. For example, here is this reply transliterated into italian for you, it may seem unnatural and poorly formed in italian, even though it was (relatively) well-written in english...

Ciao Felipe, penso che sia buono che state iniziandoli dovete possedere i bussines. Ci sono problemi con le vostre traduzioni tuttavia. Il Itallian è stato traslitterato, cioè, parola presa dalla parola all'inglese, anziché tradotto. Con un tal processo, la natura "poetic" originale del testo, apparente in italiano è persa. Il enlgish diventa molto scomodo e poco maneggevole. Im sicuro che la gente di questa tribuna sarebbe più del volendo aiutarli a riscrivere questi paragrafi in uno stile dell'inglese più naturale. Se gradiste tale aiuto, prego, soltanto dovete chiedere. Vi auguro la fortuna migliore con la vostra impresa.



Im sure that the people of this forum would be more than willing to help you re-write these paragraphs into a style of english more natural. If you would like such help, please, you merely have to ask.
I wish you the best luck with your enterprise.

[Koa]

Ciao, io sono italiana e potrei darti una mano...putroppo il mio inglese non è ancora perfetto, quindi non riesco ancora a cogliere sottigliezze come cosa suona più americano o più britannico, ma qui sicuramente ci sono un sacco di persone che ti possono aiutare con questo...
E' possibile vedere il testo originale in italiano? Anche solo per curiosità (sto per laurearmi in lingue e mi interessa il campo della traduzione...a proposito, perdonami ma...translation, non traduction :) Cmq stai sicuro che ti han capito lo stesso :nod:), e magari riesco a darti qualche consiglio in più con l'aiuto degli altri del forum :)
Caspita, stai creando la tua attività??? Complimenti!!!:eek:

Da una lettura veloce, la migliore mi sembra la C, e ti posso dire che è chiaramente americana, o perlomeno usa lo spelling americano.
La D parla del maggiolino come di una coccinella... E vedo che quasi tutte poi lo definiscono insetto, era forse parte delle metafore del testo originale? Non so quanto sia 'naturale' in inglese, io ci ho messo un attimo a coglierlo ma magari x un madrelingua sarebbe normalissmo...

Ehehe sorry guys, I was just offering my help in the most direct way, that is in Italian :D (if you're wondering, or for moderation purposes: I just said that I'd love to help but unfortunately my English is not good enough to catch some details like what's more British or more American...and that I'd like to see the original text to see if I can help with the translation).

I find the C to be the better at a quick glance, and I was wondering: as it's talking about the Beetle car as an 'insect', would you straightly get the metaphorical sense of it (I assume it was a metaphor in the original text), or would it sound awkward at least for a few seconds before you get it?

Union Jack, have you used an online translator??? My God, those suck! Your text is understandable though, often they're terrible... LOL I was like 'Why does everybody suddenly speak Italian here now? ;))

[felipebattisti]

Ok, thanks a lot !!!
E grazie Koa, è un piacerre vedere che gente puo aiutare altra gente... Ciao ciao da Roma.