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smilingtearz
11-11-2005, 12:58 PM
All i could do was stand there and look at you leave, the shadows deepening, a starless evening... tears streamed down my eyes and left a faint wet trail as they ran down my cheeks...and i made absolutely no effort to stop them...

As you left, you had forgotten to take along with yourself memories of the wonderful moments we had spent together, when I had you beside me everytime you were needed. When no one other than you would be a solace, i woudn't worry knowing your presence was all i required...and your arms...the perfect place to be in...

It was wonderful to run to you everytime I scored well or i won a competition or got selected in one...my happiness doubled in itself when i shared it with you... You probably forgot of the times that we sat under the starlit sky, watching the moon, when you looked into my eyes and spoke and it seemed as if you meant it all...of the times that I could just watch you talk or smile or hold hands and go on for an eternity

Was there something magical?

Each of those times that you would win a match and i would cry with happiness watching you from the stands...i knew i would be the first person you'd look at...oh I'd give anything to see that smile of yours again and that twinkle in your eye...and the way you winked...

But nothing seemed to make a difference to you, it was easy for you to blame me for the past few days and finish it all of in one go...

" I think we must stop seeing each other..."

"What do you mean?" I had asked

" I mean that, I feel this relationship isn't makin sense anymore...and it'll end up nowhere."

And i wanted to scream and shake you back to your senses and ask if you had lost your senses...What on Earth where you talking about!...my heart , my soul, my body, every part of me, my spirit, my prayers, my dreams, the feelings we shared, the emotions that had once mattered so much to you as much as they did to me...which of these exactly didn't make sense??? Or was it the many times i had hurt my family and friends so that i could meet you or spend time with you or talk to yu and be with you...

But my mother had taught me to be so strong that even my tears would smile...and that's why i never made an effort to stop my tears....from smiling.

starrwriter
11-11-2005, 03:25 PM
After noticing your favorite author/favorite book and where you are from, my comments may be a matter of personal tastes and/or cultural differences more than anything else, BUT --

I found the narrator of your story not only a romance-novel stereotype, but an unlikable stereotype to boot, which is the worst of all possible combinations. Where is this girl's spunk and spirit? All she can do is cry and feel sorry for herself when she gets dumped by a guy she obviously didn't know very well. She should have thought about shaking herself awake instead of the boyfriend.

In fiction you have to persuade the reader to respect the main character and that is impossible if the character doesn't respect herself. Playing the passive victim is not an interesting character trait. Give your main character positive qualities so the reader can root for her.

smilingtearz
11-12-2005, 06:36 AM
well thanx for that "analysing" reply...but the story that's put up there was not actually fiction...it was what i went thru sometime back...and it was more of a diary entry kinds of a thing...but now that i look back...i agree with you to the fact that the main "character" of my story should actually have shaken herself awake to the truth instead of just choosing to cry over a lost thing which wasn't at all a loss

Rachy
11-12-2005, 05:39 PM
I like this because at the moment I'm falling in love with my boyfriend....and when you were talking about how you felt when he left that's exactly how I would feel....I felt I could relate to your "character". I love the last line relating to the title and explaining the title in simple words! :D

smilingtearz
11-14-2005, 06:40 AM
i realized this is something most of us go through...though as time passes u realize that u haven't lost anything except a good deal of time that u cud have used to enhance something in urself...

Outlander
11-14-2005, 10:15 AM
Or for working on a real relationship.
You were smitten he was elsewhere in his intentions.
It's an evolutionary thing.
Females develop bonds males develop "urges"
Often mistaken for emotion.

Thats just the dark of it.

Bottom line, it's been my experience that women are nothing more
than something for men to play with.
Most men (admit it or not) have a primal from of reproductive
Attention Defict Dissorder.
True, It's not just for reproduction anymore.

When the human race was no more than Happy meals for Preditors,
the males needed the urge to reproduce, just to keep the race alive.
Those that mated most Vigorously passed in the genes, creating another
generation of Most Vigorous maters. and so on and so on.

The result we have is - Men with C.I.MADD
Chronic Incessant Mating Attention Deficit Dissorder.

Don't let them get to you.

smilingtearz
11-15-2005, 04:50 AM
well said..im going to remeber that term!! "C.I.MADD" ... come to think of it..ur actually RIGHT!

Outlander
11-15-2005, 10:06 AM
woo hooo!

I related a complete thought. :D

smilingtearz
11-27-2005, 02:17 PM
~~Love is unconditional, it cares not what the world thinks and lives forever...