Proofread Please!

[JAG05Z28]

Hey I was just going to have some of you guys proofread this and just see if I made any mistakes. THANKS!

[RusSpencer]

with assigned essays is often the title. If the title of your essay was assigned by your English Instructor, of course there is nothing you can do. After reading the essay and reassuring myself as to your intent, I would have re-worded the title thus: Why the American Revolution Suceeded. Upon first reading your title, I was not certain whether your intent was to examine why the Americans wanted independence.

The summary is brief and simplified, but seems accurate historically. However, this subject could lend itself to a much longer essay. Most revolutions are about economic control. The colonists used the cry, "Taxation without Representation" to rally the colonists and give them a cause celebre, but history shows that was only a minor issue. The lumber and concomitant ship-building industry was growing, as was the tobacco industry. These and other industries from North America's abundant resources were helping make the UK wealthy, but the colonists were getting little of the proceeds. Similar (economic control) reasons brought about Mexican, Central American and South American breaks with Spain.

The scope of the essay does not seem to include motivation, therefore, there is little I can add to the text of the essay. It appears to accomplish your purpose.

[el01ks]

There was one little thing I noticed - you don't pluralise "colonist" and sometimes it sounds slightly odd - also you use the word a lot, which sounds slightly repetitive - maybe you could use "settlers" or "immigrants" instead for a few of them.

[RusSpencer]

There was one little thing I noticed - you don't pluralise "colonist" and sometimes it sounds slightly odd - also you use the word a lot, which sounds slightly repetitive - maybe you could use "settlers" or "immigrants" instead for a few of them.

Ping!

It finally occurred to me that you were critiquing Jago5Z28, not me.

My sincere apologies. I jumped to the conclusion that you were flaming me.

[el01ks]

Ping!

It finally occurred to me that you were critiquing Jago5Z28, not me.

My sincere apologies. I jumped to the conclusion that you were flaming me.

Lol - nevermind, I never saw your original message. (but would you really describe what I said as 'flaming'? :eek2: )

[Logos]

Lol - nevermind, I never saw your original message. (but would you really describe what I said as 'flaming'? :eek2: )

No you weren't `flaming' :)

The OP requests critique, so you are giving `constructive criticism.'

`flaming' is directing hostility at and/or deliberately insulting, or posting otherwise negative personal comments at a poster.

[soon2bRN]

Your text seems accurate, so I'll leave that alone. However, in reading I noticed the first paragraph seemed clumsy. Maybe breaking up the 3rd sentence would help: "...government in debt. In hopes of ameliorating the debt, British government....". Another point I noticed is you do not have 2 spaces after each period.

I'll try to proof the rest of your paper later tonight! So far you've done a great job!

Colleen :nod:

[Logos]

I think someone posted an edit for you at the following topic :)


http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14225

[Logos]

Another point I noticed is you do not have 2 spaces after each period.

I'll try to proof the rest of your paper later tonight! So far you've done a great job!

Colleen :nod:

Hi Colleen,

I had seen this comment the other day and it was in the back of my mind to respond.

I just wanted to say, regarding double spacing after a period, especially in formal and/or published papers, the common practice now is to use only one space. The Chicago Manual of Style actually discourages it.

I suppose for a rough draft of something it makes it easier to edit, but one would have to go back and change them all to one space before submitting.

Two spaces originated from the use of typewriters when all the characters were the same size.

[jakobin]

wow, you learn a new thing everyday. one space after the fullstop (period) is definetely the way to go nowadays.

[RusSpencer]

Just out of curiosity, I typed the title of my first novel, The Naked Twilight, in the Google search window. Up popped this forum and my critique to the post, Proofread Please.

Someone is reading us--someone who can get us "googled." That's nice.

Google has recently begun indexing books published by "print on demand" authors, like me. However, the big, monopolistic publishers (American Association of Publishers) and the Authors Guild have sued them.

This smacks of unfair trade practices. The only way we publishers of politically incorrect material (I'm not referring to obscene material, just those who, like Ray Bradbury, are tired of politically correct editing). The comment by Bradbury is found in the Coda of his book, Fahrenheit 451, the latest edition which is available now at the usual book stores. It is published by Random House of New York as a Del Rey Book.

Kudos to Google. We are certain you will prevail in court. It is important for the freedom of the press that you do. Otherwise, we voices in the wilderness will never be heard.