City Lights

[jon1jt]

City lights follow me,
drag me down low, low, to hollow ground
where the Beat drums moan
See the circles twirl along dusty old metal fenders,
Colors splashed on placid faces
listening to hymns, divine access for modern pretenders;
Dazzling drips of red strewn on a fresh streetscape
Horns blow and white moons..Boom boom,
Autumn leaves scurry and humans murmur
Love in fancy restaurants
Sipping sighs for the young, eager blemished eyes...
and education failures and more terror scares
Across the way, half-furtive glances in siren trances
There's an empty park where jazz notes roam,
on and on, like bottles carrying messages--
Cigs and beer, one dreams taking pictures over fences
Of trees writing poems... Snap! snap! CRASH,
the whole thing like a Saturday morning hang over
Garbage men working OT, hung over
Old lady grumbling, something 'bout charred glass,
from some accident night before
Middle class feigns with a stash,
walking by hopscotchers, ball & jax
Indian-style over skid mark tracks
In the shadows, one beat howls
"Kerouac!"

And they fade and come again...
In the glow, the subterranean flow,
of the city lights

[clandestine]

Not Bad At All!! My favorite line was:


...twirl along dusty old metal fenders

I like it so much because of the image it creates. Most of the language, and the images in your poem are a little hazy, but this is just so concrete; it pulls you right in and begs you to see it, just as it is. Fancy, how shall I say...'poetry' language is great, and you use a lot of it you poem to create a sort of surreal atmosphere. But every day words and vocabulary can be powerful too. The concrete sensory/images here and there work to set up a contrast with the rest of the poem, emphasizing its dreamlike quality. Keep working on it.

[jon1jt]

Thanks clandestine for such wonderful insights on my poem! You have no idea how much it helps me! This is my very first posting...I know exactly what you mean about my tendency toward the abstruse, especially when used in heavy doses like City Lights. It's a problem I have to overcome...I'm going to keep working and reworking it, as you said! I'll be sure to check out your profile too. I noticed you had some reading suggestions, I think, which I can always use!! Take care!

[subterranean]

Is it about the night life? Someone's experience?

[jon1jt]

Yes, definitely about one's experience in the night life and day light as well, expressing the lively and disturbing commotion of every day life contrasted by stillness. It's also a bit allegorical for a deeper consideration of how experience gets underneath our skin and pulls us into its whirlwind...it's what goes on "out there" whether we like it or not. This "eye" I speak of craves the ceaseless changing landscape, the external coming from all angles, from the empty park to silly grandma bugging the garbage men. And for those like me who would sometimes rather escape it all, I find myself on here (waiting for the city lights...which is simply life force...possibility. I probably just confused the hell out of you. My fault...sorry! :as-sleep: