i NEED some advice

[Perspicacity]

Hi everyone! I want to say that I am a newbie to this and so far I LOVE IT! Okay, I have somewhat of a problem. I am "lacking in the social graces" (D.H.T. - Seventeen) and I am VERY shy. Well, I have never had a boyfriend and I am 16... I have had a crush on this one guy at school for about 3 years. Everytime I try to talk to him, I freeze up. What should I do? I know it sounds petty and desperate, but I would really like some advice from someone who cares. Please HELP! :confused: Thanks!

[B-Mental]

Hi Persp (I'll abbrevieate if you don't mind). Crushes are tough. There are al lot of things that you could do, but you don't want to push this guy away. I guess there are a lot of things that you could do. Whatever you do you want to be confident in yourself, think Olivia-Newton John in Grease but don't go over the top. You don't need to change yourself for this person to like you.

I'm an older male, so I don't want you to get the idea that I can necessarily relate to your situation, but I can generalize. I've been through the phases of crushes, the writing the person's name, sneaking glances, daydreaming, etc. You have to remember that you already have feelings for this person, so you don't want to move to fast. I don't know what this guy is like. Do you know him well? Does he know you? Do you interact socially? Social interaction is usually a key. You want to get to know him or maybe a friend of his on somewhat good terms. What does he like? Showing interest in something that he likes might be a good approach, but you want to do your homework. You don't want to say something about something he likes and show that you really don't know anything about it.

OK, quick recap...
1. Confidence
2. Don't try too hard or move too fast to show your affection
3. Make contact, a simple "Hi" can sometimes go a long way.
4. Talk about something he likes, if you don't know, find out and learn a little about it.

Finally don't forget that girls/women are always a little more mature than boys, and that he may act one way in front of his friends as opposed to when he's alone. Don't be afraid of rejection, this is probably one of hardest lessons to learn when you are younger. If you are rejected once: ignore it, twice: think about if this person is really what you thought, three times: I strongly suggest that you let it go this person isn't worth your attention. I hope this helped, good luck;)

[starrwriter]

I never forgot a girl named Leslie I had a crush on in high school. Crush is the right word because I never asked her out on a date or let her know my feelings even though we were in one class together and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I made up excuses to call her occasionally (school work, etc.) just to hear her voice at night.

Leslie was from an upper-class family, I was from the wrong side of the tracks, and I had a gigantic inferiority complex regarding her (not to mention I was somewhat shy around girls in general.) It didn't help that my friends insisted she was out of my league.

I'm telling you all this because I want you to realize I have always regretted not trying to get closer to Leslie. It has haunted me my whole life, even after I got married. As someone once wrote, it's not the things we do that we regret the most, it's the things left undone.

Since you really like this guy, you should let him know how you feel. The worst that can happen is he won't like you, but that's better than never making the attempt. Take my word for it.

[rocksea]

great to hear these stories..
persp, as b-mental mentioned, try to talk n talk, n be friends first.
then you'll have the confidence.

[Perspicacity]

THANKS A BUNCH! I really don't know how to express the gratitude I feel. I have tried to talk about it with my friends, but sometimes they think it is stupid that I can only like one guy for so long. I am glad that I can talk to someone I can talk with and not feel inferior. Thanks for the advice, and to let you know some more insight:
1. He goes to my school and is in almost every one of my Honors classes.
2. I found out that he liked me for about two years, but I don't think he does now...maybe.
3. I do talk to him sometimes in class, but it feels awkward.
4. I am definately going to do something about this...I don't want to regret it later.
Thanks again for the support! :D

[subterranean]

I can only say good luck, as I'm no good in this thingy also :D

[Perspicacity]

Thanks Sub! I think the reason it is hard for me is because I would rather be on the lit network than to be socially active :) Ha ha! Well gotta go study for a big test on Monday... yippee (not:))

[B-Mental]

Your welcome. I hope it helped. You realize you are required to at least keep us posted on developments. Best of luck.

[subterranean]

Wow..what a thoughtful person you are, B-M :)

[Koa]

Well, I have never had a boyfriend and I am 16...

AHAHAH LOL! Come back when you're 20 and then you'll have beated me!
(not trying to be nasty, just to show that there are people who have worse luck and for whom probably there's no solution)

Well, I'm shy and not sociable but last time I had a crush I did try and let him know, kinda out of desperation cos I wanted my situation to change, and since people always said 'stop just complaining and do something', well I did. It didnt work but for the first time in my life I understood what self-esteem means...it made me realise a lot about myself. Shame that now I have a horrible opinion of men... go and thank him ;)

As for you well...as starrwriter said, give it a try... it can't be worse than it is anyway ;) and at least you can feel proud of your courage :)

[Perspicacity]

Thanks again for all of the AMAZING advice. I love the support group I have found here. The latest development is that I asked him how to do a math problem today...I know - so elementary school, but at least I talked to him ;) Koa, somehow I want to be rejected, just to knock my self-esteem down. That may sound twisted, but if I never get kicked down, how will I learn to get back on the horse?
Thanks again! :D

[Stanislaw]

Thanks again for all of the AMAZING advice. I love the support group I have found here. The latest development is that I asked him how to do a math problem today...I know - so elementary school, but at least I talked to him ;) Koa, somehow I want to be rejected, just to knock my self-esteem down. That may sound twisted, but if I never get kicked down, how will I learn to get back on the horse?
Thanks again! :D

Why do we fall down master Bruce?...

Have ye tried the ol' would you like to go out sometime? (Well, just stammer, and stutter it out, 'twas what I did, worked most well!) The only way to conquer the fear is to embrace it fully.