run rain

[blp]

In time spring the clouds speak rain

rain falleth
with a gentle touch
Refracting you in lovely colours you

For all in black
Wheels roll on streets
The house in spring the rain

Rolls wind
Windows well with sheets and
colours run

Gone on
black wheels
Speak gentle touch
in little drops
of you and fragments
sediments of pain
and blurry pictures

Aught but for this
wouldst clouds speak rain

wheel street runs black sheets
sheet white rolls back white stained

[IrishCanadian]

That little quote you have at the end of all your posts "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons" I think thats Margret Attwood right? I don't know for sure so correct my if necessary. But anyway haveing read THAT poem I can tell from THIS poem what style your into. I don't care for this style too much myself, but this is nice. Rain is such a simple thing but (having tried) one of the toughest things to write about. I think what you have done with it, dwelled more on the affects and changes within a city, may be the best way of going about it. Perhaps I shouldn't put it like that as niether of us is Keats or Atwood-- but i'm sure you know what I mean. Keep up the good work.

[blp]

Hi. Its TS Eliot, the quote at the end. Perhaps I should have attributed it. It's from The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock. 'I have known them all already, known them all/Known the evenings, mornings, afternoons/I have measured out my life with coffee spoons'.

I'm not sure I know myself what style I'm into. This doesn't feel very typical of my work.

[atiguhya padma]

blp,

I like the idea of this collage of colour and texture turned to balck and white in wet weather. But I must say that I don't particularly care for the archaic language of 'falleth', 'wouldst' and 'aught'. These words were always a convention, even when they were popular, and were not commonly used in everyday speech. They are outdated, and seem foreign to such an up to date picture.

Still, I like the punchy, paceful style of the piece.

[blp]

Thanks, Atiguhya. I regularly upbraid people for their use of archaic terms and patterns of speech in poetry, so it could seem a little odd that I put them in here myself. I wanted them in this for their baroque artifice and the sense of distance they create, particularly used alongside the ungrammatical accumulations of words all through the rest of the poem. It's interesting what you say about these kinds of word never having been in common usage. That almost seems to make it seem more acceptable to be using them now, as long as it's done well. Not sure I pulled it off though. I'm a bit bored by the whole thing now.

[EmmyB]

i really liked this poem, very light, flows well and beautiful descriptions.