Twilight Zone

[samercury]

Standing in the middle of the street
Eyes closed, arms spread out
Waiting for someone to come
To ask what's wrong

Feel like screaming but nothing comes out
Feel like praying but can't find the words
Eyes closed,
Images running through my head

No matter how long I wait,
No one comes
And no one will

Suddenly I hear a voice asking
What's the matter
Don't worry everything's gonna be alright
Reach out your hand

Trust me and I won't let you fall
I'm a messenger of God, coming to save you
Open my eyes and what do I see?
A feather falling from the skies

Like a shard of glass catching the sun

[naegling]

Hi

I thought this a fine poem with a few reservations. This is purely my opinion.

I enjoyed this poem all the way until the final line. A shard is a poets word which I avoid because it has become a modern cliche. The original meaning of shard is a piece of broken pottery. e.g. the floor of the potters was covered in shards. Shard also means, beetle dung. Now it has come to mean a 'piece' and it has been used in hundreds, if not thousands, of poems.

So a shard is neither glass nor like a feather.

Other modern poetic cliches are: myriad, gossamer, stippled, lozenge, patina, lambent, lissom ... there are loads. Checkout Peter Sansom's book Writing Poems.

I have a rule being "if it looks like a poetic word, trash it".

N

[samercury]

Thank you naegling. I'll try to remember in the future