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naegling
10-02-2005, 02:26 PM
Falling With You

Overwhelm me;
love me 'till we glisten;
shining raindrops
suspended in satin
cloud; collide, coalescing,
merging, then emerging;
falling with you.

Soften my edge
with breath deliquesced; sweet
salve, silken smooth;
a drop of heaven sent,
from lips that part with passion,
then part with passion spent,
and fallen, fall.

litlover
10-02-2005, 03:20 PM
A sensual poem, this, rich in delicious sounds and alliteration which reads well aloud. I love its tone and sibilance which fits well with the theme. I like the stanza endings, especially the second, which hints at some sort of retribution for the hedonism of the preceding lines. This 'fall' is expected and seems almost welcomed like some self-fulfilling prophecy. And the clever use of the word 'suspended' ; appropriately placed, as though the narrator is reminded in flagrante of the swift nature of most pleasures; even as they occur.
A very good read, Naegling.

LL

Admin
10-02-2005, 03:28 PM
I love this couplet:

from lips that part with passion,
then part with passion spent,

naegling
10-03-2005, 01:17 PM
Hello LL ... thank you very much.

Hi Chris ... you nailed it. The whole poem was constructed on that couplet.

N