Natural Defect

[Chava]

What makes us run?
The fresh tracks are made.
What makes us smile?
‘Part from sudden joy.
When will we leap?
We understand.

There’s a girl,
With bright blue
Cheeks and pasty eyes.
Together we walk
And we crawl.

Do you see girl?
Can’t you see the
Bright green fields?
And feel the awesome sight
Of the rushing winds
That leapfrogs through
The darling wastelands.

Can’t you see the drum
Of hooves upon the frozen
Grass, which shatters
In crystal shards with
Which heroes fight.

She closes her eyes.
“Now I see it”

[Nightshade]

coool I love the images chava and the whats it called synastesa (spelling??)
:D

[mono]

What beautiful imagery, Chava; this looks very impressive! :nod:
The first stanza seemed particularly mysterious, and caught my attention, wondering, "where will this go?"
I do not know exactly what you describe with the amazing imagery, but I like that sort of mystery, leaving it up to the reader's imagination, like some self-created paradise.
Just out of curiosity, in checking grammar, in this stanza, does the verb "leapfrogs" refer to "the awesome sight," or "the rushing winds"? If "the rushing winds," then "leapfrog" sounds more correct, but let me know if the verb refers to "the awesome sight."

Do you see girl?
Can’t you see the
Bright green fields?
And feel the awesome sight
Of the rushing winds
That leapfrogs through
The darling wastelands.
This last stanza, I must quote, for its own mere reasons. Beautifully done, Chava. ;)

She closes her eyes.
“Now I see it”


coool I love the images chava and the whats it called synastesa (spelling??) :D
By the way, Nightshade, do you refer to synesthesia (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=8644886&dopt=Citation)? This concept also came to my mind.

[Chava]

Ignorant as to whether this is gramatically correct or not I will seek to explain.
The wind is playing leapfrog over natural obstacles, or merely over it's own joy (I'm sure you're familiar with the bubbeling feeling of joy, that can only be released by jumping about hysterically as if nobody else exists. (Some scream or sing instead)(my brother has ridiculous hysterical laughter fits))
Anyway, but the utmost joy, hence you find yourself hurdeling over nothing, or exuberently leaping all over the place, or in the case of my rushing wind, leapfrogging over everything and nothing. (wow... was that a long drawn explanation?) But I am unsure how that is expressed gramatically.. sigh. quite tragic really.

To seek to explain i should perhaps add that the girl is blind. And that is why she coses her eyes and 'sees' with the words that someone has used to describe something to her. Also the reason why her eyes are:

There’s a girl,
With bright blue
Cheeks and pasty eyes.

Thanks for your comments, and your insights.

[mono]

Ignorant as to whether this is gramatically correct or not I will seek to explain.
The wind is playing leapfrog over natural obstacles, or merely over it's own joy (I'm sure you're familiar with the bubbeling feeling of joy, that can only be released by jumping about hysterically as if nobody else exists. (Some scream or sing instead)(my brother has ridiculous hysterical laughter fits))
Anyway, but the utmost joy, hence you find yourself hurdeling over nothing, or exuberently leaping all over the place, or in the case of my rushing wind, leapfrogging over everything and nothing. (wow... was that a long drawn explanation?) But I am unsure how that is expressed gramatically.. sigh. quite tragic really.
No worries, Chava. It did not hinder my understanding of the poem, and the wording sounds absolutely perfect.
Only, to put it more simply, when one says "rushing winds leapfrogs," it sounds more grammatically correct as "rushing winds leapfrog" (without the 's' on 'leapfrog').
I still must say, however, beautifull done. I just read the poem again, and find it worth of much applause.

http://www.pmlive.com/btimages/17d026-ea335ed08b--7fea/applause.jpg