NEW POEM; feedback?

[alissa]

you're watching me
and i'm not looking
you've casually set free
a girl you've never seen
and you've made it so you never will
you took too long standing still
and i wanted more than waiting
maybe i needed more than you
this is what i was hating
and this is what you blew
so here we stand
a girl deserting
a guy abandoned
and this is hurting
but its harder holding your hand
so i'm letting go

[firestarter]

i get the feeling that when i read this, it has the potential to become a song.
firestarter

[alissa]

i always think about that. and i wish i was good at composing music because if i could fit words with a tune it could probably be a song. anyway, thanks for replying.

[electric_kool_aid]

I like it! nice job...i don't know about a song though..it may ruin it but that's for you to decide

[alissa]

Thanks!! Are you new to the network?

[electric_kool_aid]

yes i'm quite new but i've jumped right in

[Phoenix_Tears]

h'allo everyone, i have returned. H'allo electric cool kid. welcomes.

[darktiger_64]

This looks like the flip side of something I was thinking. :( Damn you for making me see my own mistakes! j/k

[alissa]

Darktiger~

ha, that makes me smile. i'm glad you saw the flip-side. Thanks for posting. ;-)

Alissa