I hate him..!!

[leave_me_alone]

He made me hurt,
He made me cry,
He made me sad,
He made me mad,
He lied to me,

I hate him...!!!!!

[b]

This is a little, simple poem with a very clear meaning, but not a strong one. Let me explain: poetry differs to normal written language because it has more layers of reality than just the significant daily life meaning of the words that you use. It uses associations and inner relations to make the transmission of thought more smoothly. By means of that, you can create a whole, which meaning is much stronger than proze could ever have made it.

A poet composes her / his work, so that metre, sound, rhyme, rhytm - music - and words, metaphores, allusions, etc. combine into a unit of form and meaning. Your work - that is about some aspect of love - doesn't really have such a strong structure. Or - at least - I can say that you could have transmitted (my interpretation of) the feeling that you 'express' in your poem much better by using - for instance - a more detailed associative structure. Your poem - I think - lacks a concentration of meaning.

But no offense: I surely don't want to hurt your feelings, like the person referred to in the poem did. It is very clear to me that you really must have had a really intense feeling that inspired you to write this poem. I can detect strong emotion, but I really have to look for it: on the background I hear some desperate shouting; personal feelings were hurt harshly.

The poetical soul that I sometimes refer to is clearly present in your work, though you may have to look for it thoroughly. I think that when you try to really express yourself, using metaphores, music, etc. and really make the composition of your work perfect, you will make intriguing poetry.

[firestarter]

i like this one, it gets right to the point, easy for people like me to read, and comprehend.
firestarter

[Arteum]

I don't see any poetry in this collection of words at all.

[firestarter]

that is something that you cannot decide arteum, people express themselves in words in different ways. maybe in ways that you dont believe, but if someone puts their emotion into work and puts it into a specific structure, then to me and to the person that wrote it, it is considered poetry.
firestarter

[Arteum]

firestarter,

Please explain to me what "I cannot decide". I was not sure I was hesitating about making a decision. And what are the ways "that I don't believe"? Or is it considered a fine poetry to write with elementary grammatical mistakes?

Some people "put their emotion into work" by shattering window panes. Many more people express their emotions in the following structure:

"F**k you!"

It follows that to you and to the person who wrote it (more generally, did it, as with the window pane), it is all poetry.

Arteum

[AbdoRinbo]

Life imitates art: it's all poetry. Art imitates life: it's all poetry. Should action inspire poetry or should poetry inspire action? . . . does it matter?

Maybe it can do both. A poem is, after all, an inward look at one's emotions and experiences. Whether you write it out on paper, speak it, think it, whatever, it's still there. Whether you shatter window panes, tell your parents to '**** off', or set a building on fire, you're still harnessing a form of inspiration. Film can be poetry too, visually . . . (You'll say it can only be 'art', but you'll never be able to find a definition of poetry that is any more specific.) Plenty of poets completely ignored grammar (their use of it was even less than elementary, look at Stéphan Mallarmé's constellatory poem--in other words, his constellation of words--'Un Coup de Dés').

Anyway, I don't think Arteum is having a tough time deciding on anything, he's already made up his mind. He has his own idea of what is qualified as poetry. In fact, we all do. Tomorrow someone else will have their theory too, it's just one of the many human phenomena that keeps us from ever settling on one Grand Theory of the Universe. Personally, I think her poem is beautiful--I feel I could actually know someone like her--, whereas, Mallarmé is a totally alien presence (however much I admire his poems).

[Koa]

Well I think Mallarmé and co. had a precise knowledge of grammar to feel free to shatter rules, anyway that's not the point... Btw, I don't see any grammar mistakes here... :rolleyes:

Anyway... this can be poetry to the writer, can not be to others, but as I think Bart Bloom said, it should have to be more elaborate to be a real good poem... This way it's just sentences, they have an order, a structure, but 80% of the world population would be able to write something like that... It's the writer's own feeling, but it lacks originality...It probably feels special to the writer, but it's actually not too special to a reader...the reader can sympathise, understand, but the poetic form is weak...
Oh well, at least she can say she tried! :)

[AbdoRinbo]

The only requirement is that it be interesting . . .

[alissa]

i agree with what koa said. although it is poetry, it lacks the intrigue to the reader that it might have to the author. using such basic, elementary words makes it hard for the poem to convey any deep, thought provoking meaning except to the poet herself.

but it is poetry nonetheless. *

[Koa]

i agree with what koa said. although it is poetry, it lacks the intrigue to the reader that it might have to the author. using such basic, elementary words makes it hard for the poem to convey any deep, thought provoking meaning except to the poet herself.



Yup! You took mane less words than me to say the same concept... and more efficient words! ;)

[AbdoRinbo]

Alissa, tell me why a poem must be thought-provoking to be interesting.

That '[her poem] lacks intrigue to the reader' seems a rather short-sighted and crass thing to say when you are speaking on your own behalf. My observation is that you seem to be overly concerned with intellectual status, more so than trying to capture the essence of artistic expression. So let me ask you this: is someone who uses 'elementary' phrases less human than one who uses complex rhetorical devices that lead our thoughts around in circles that weave in and out of each other through a thick fourteen-syllable medley of useless verbiage only to end abruptly in an ellipse? Alas, I see the problem lying with the members of (capital S) Society, who purposely weave complex webs of interpretation--spidery little creates they are--to catch those poor souls who gaze so far and deeply as to see right through them.

Yes, perhaps leavemealone was not trying to appeal to our facility for complex thought. After all, who could possibly rationalize a broken heart?

[alissa]

gosh, i've obviously come off the wrong way. i had no intention to belittle "leavemealone"'s poetry or to seem as though poetry is only interesting when its written with complex ideas.

I believe that rudimentary words can express just as much as the so-called "thick fourteen-syllable medley of useless verbiage" that you seem to ridicule.

Poetry is simply a means of expression. However one chooses to compose their thoughts (whether with elementary words or "complex rhetorical devices"), it clearly does not matter. It is only the meaning behind these words that gives a poem it's soul.

Sorry if I have offended anybody with my "short-sided and crass" thoughts.

[electric_kool_aid]

at least it's not "overly verbose"

[Phoenix_Tears]

I will not even start with Arteum this time. But Leave_me_alone i think that in such short a poem you have said alot. You stated your emotions clearly.

Phoen-x

[AbdoRinbo]

Alissa:

So in other words, a poem as basic and elementary as leavemealone's can intrigue other readers, not just 'the poet herself'? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that in your first post.

I apologize if I came off too strongly in my 'ridicule', I'll watch what I say from now on.

[Kinch]

That was beautiful, Abdo.