Sticks and Stones

[Phoenix_Tears]

How many tears will you bid me cry?
How many deaths am i doomed to die?
How many secrets will i be damned to bear?
How much blood will you spare?

Once you've ripped my heart in two
What will there be in it without you?
Once you've stolen all i ever had
Will you then be happy? Because i am finally sad?

Once the deal is done, will i ever walk again?
Once it is over, will i ever breathe again?

Will i ever be cursed to love again?
Can i ever trust anyone to be a true friend?
They say sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt you
Then maybe that person should be made to feel the way i do
Then tell me that words will never hurt me
Because now your words are all i see

[Koa]

If I remeber you were the one wondering about rhymes... rhyme or not rhyme, this is the problem ;) What I feel reading this poem is that the rhyme gives it too much of a 'funny' rhythm... I think too much regularity doesn't fit 'dark' themes too much... I think some rhymes are ok, but all rhyming reminds me too much of things like nursery rhymes...not too dark stuff lol ;) Anyway, just my point of view, keep writing in any way you like!

[alissa]

i love this poem. there are so many things i can relate to. my favorite:

"Once you've ripped my heart in two
What will there be in it without you?
Once you've stolen all i ever had
Will you then be happy? Because i am finally sad?"

[firestarter]

i have to agree with koa, the darker the poem, the less i give my poetry a straight rythym. it does make my poetry have a funny rythm, i can see that in yours. however regardless if you make your poems ryhm or not, i can understand and relate to your message.
firestarter

[Phoenix_Tears]

Yeah,
that part was a favourite of mine too alissa.

God, why do i keep relapsing into the exact same errors?
-Phoen-x

[firestarter]

they are not really what you would call errors. frankly its just how i feel about it when i read your poem. i guess you can only call them errors if you wish to change it because i believe that poetry doesnt necessarily need to be explained or understood by whoever else is reading it.

firestarter

[Koa]

Yeah,
that part was a favourite of mine too alissa.

God, why do i keep relapsing into the exact same errors?
-Phoen-x

it's not an error... We said what, in our view, could improve it... You can write as you like :)

[den]

Hey Phoenix_Tears, you're here a lot and creative, join the Haiku thread!

[AbdoRinbo]

Just do it, Phoenix. Get on the bus or den will floor it and flatten you like a pancake.

[Phoenix_Tears]

lol ok