VHD
07-27-2005, 07:58 PM
Hey guys, this is the first time i'm writting here in the forum! hope to fit in here =)
I never learned writting anywhere nor i have any experience with it, this is the first thing i've ever written.
This the first chapter of a story i'm writting, please tell me what you think of it, if you'll like it i can put the next chapter here as well.
Any Criticism will be gladly accepted, comments ect...
A little notice before you continue to read this: my mother language is not english so there may be (and probably are) grammer mistakes in the story, try not to pay too much attention to them please :)
Thanks in advance, Omri.
have fun!
The Ninth Art
Chapter one:
“Hiro!”…
“Hiro!”…
“Hiro, wake up!”
I tried to open my eyes from the long night sleep I just woke up from, but there was something that kept me from doing so...
“Mom! close the light… for god’s sake, how am I supposed to be able to see something like that?!” The burning in my eyes vaguely disappeared as I realized that mom turned the lights out.
“You got exactly five minutes to get up, today are your final exams and you can’t afford to be late!” Mom yelled at me as I heard her walking away from my room.
I got up from my warm bad and noticed that I sweated during my sleep, it was summer and I remember having some nightmare… Damn final exams…
I put on my school uniform, a blue T-shirt with the eight “Arts” printed on it and a pair of long black pants.
As I looked at the mirror in my room I’ve noticed that all my short brown hair is messed up from the long sleep, lucky I have spiky hair anyway so not more then two minutes of brushing it can do the job.
“Hiro! You’re going to be late!” my mom screamed at me from the kitchen.
“Coming right up ma!”
I walked past my brother’s room which door was closed as always (my brother is almost never at home) and into the kitchen where my mom was making my breakfast. As I walked in, I saw dad rushing to the door.
“Did you take your lunch?” Mom asked dad, but I doubt if he noticed.
“Late again dad?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, I always make it in time”.
Mom patiently asked again, “Sen, did you take your lunch?”
“Of course I did!” he yelled at mom as he was rushing towards the door, looking at the mirror one last time to ensure that he’s all tidy and clean and walked out the door. A few moments later I could hear him starting the car and driving away.
“Always the same story with him”, Mom quietly whispered to herself.
My mom is a calm woman, taller then my dad, with long, silky, brown hair and green eyes (just like me and my brother).
Unlike my mom, dad is a whole different story… He was born in Japan 53 years ago, a little older than my mom. He had short, black, straight hair, brown eyes, always tidy and organized. Just the opposite from my mom, he is a serious, inpatient and very angry person.
I don’t know how my parents get along so well together but I guess its true what they say, opposites attracts to each other.
“What are you thinking about so much Hiro? You need to finish your breakfast and go to school”.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get there in time…”
I finished my breakfast as fast as I could and went back to my room to get ready for school.
I brushed my hair and teeth, put on my shoes and I was almost ready to go.
Hmm, what else do I need?
Today are the final exams, I’ll need all my battle equipment…
I’ll take my favorite weapon, the katana, and tie it on my back. A few knives in case I’ll need them, two or three smoke bombs and last but not least, my cool NY “Jets” hat.
Well, I’m all ready to go I guess… Hope I didn’t forget anything.
I went through the kitchen to the front door and yelled to my mom on the way out, “Later ma!”
“Good luck honey!” she screamed back with a little excitement in her voice.
“Don’t need luck, its me, remember?”
I closed the door after me and started to walk to school.
I live in NY, not much of “Arts” school here anymore, only two left in the entire city… my parents told me that fifty years ago there were at least fifty schools here in the city, but then the modern age came and people started to prefer using guns which can easily kill a man by just pulling a trigger than learning for years how to control and manipulate the things around us using “Arts”.
In spite all of that, my dad and mom are both coming from families that use the “Arts” for ages, and as a result both are working at Zao’s, which is the “Arts” main organization here in the U.S.
Of course that there are other people who use the “Arts” outside Zao, but they are considered criminals and Zao is trying to stop them all the time.
Another major problem is, that now in the modern world people are disrespecting the “Arts” and think of people who use it as bums, who only learn it as tradition but will never use it in “their” world anyway.
When I got to school I saw a lot of students practicing their skills in the schoolyard (some first year students were watching and cheering every time they saw something they thought is cool), while others were reading the theoretical books for the written exam.
As I passed all the other students and entered the main building where the written exam will take place, I searched for my best friend Joe.
Joe and me were friends since I can remember. We studied at the Zao’s Elementary school in the same class all these years.
I heard a voice from behind me: “Hey Hiro”.
I looked around and I saw Joe standing there with his staff tied behind his back (Joe’s favorite weapon is the long staff).
Joe is a little taller then I, although he is much skinner… he has short, blonde hair and brown eyes. Also, he is black.
“Hey Joe! Sup? Are you ready for the exams?”
“Of course I am, I’m gonna ace them as usual!” he excitedly said.
“Don’t be so sure of yourself there, Drop! I’ve heard that the practical exam this year is going to be extra difficult,” I said with a slight smile.
“Who told you that, Crispy?” (Joe and I have nicknames for each other, he calls me Crispy because my favorite “Art” is Fire, and I call him Drop because his favorite “Art” is water).
“Don’t you remember? Last year the exams were so easy that almost everyone passed… The Zao’s exam comity was warned that if something like that ever happens again, they would all get fired. So I’m sure that this year the exam is going to be super hard”.
Joe suddenly became a little pale (as pale as he can get anyway).
“What happened Drop? Didn’t study hard enough?”
“Maybe a little… But don’t worry I’ll ace it anyway”, Joe said and he looked a little better.
“I’m sure you will mate”, I said in a cheering tone. Joe always succeeds in what he does… He is one of the best students in school and his skills in water “Arts” are amazing.
The bell rang just as I said the last sentence and we both hurried to our class.
The first exam is the written one; I know the material pretty good so I’m sure I’ll get a good score on it.
All of the students set in their chairs and Mr. Ross, our theoretical teacher, slowly walked into class and waited for silence.
Mr. Ross is a tall skinny man, with short black hair. He always stands upright and has a serious look on his face.
Everyone are nervous, so it didn’t take us long to stop talking.
Mr. Ross stared at each and every one of us and started talking slowly with his low tune: “First of all, I would like to remind you that these tests will determine along with the practical exams what will your future be and to which “Art” academy you will be able to get in to, so don’t take them lightly.
Seconds, I hope it is needless to remind you that if you would get caught cheating, you will get disqualified from the exams and will never be able to take them again.
The instructions for the exam are the following: you have 150 minutes exactly to finish the exam; the exam is four choices multiple questions in which you will need to circle one correct answer.
Lastly, I wish you all the best of luck!”
Mr. Ross distributed the exams to each one of us and set on the teacher’s desk.
“You may begin”.
I never learned writting anywhere nor i have any experience with it, this is the first thing i've ever written.
This the first chapter of a story i'm writting, please tell me what you think of it, if you'll like it i can put the next chapter here as well.
Any Criticism will be gladly accepted, comments ect...
A little notice before you continue to read this: my mother language is not english so there may be (and probably are) grammer mistakes in the story, try not to pay too much attention to them please :)
Thanks in advance, Omri.
have fun!
The Ninth Art
Chapter one:
“Hiro!”…
“Hiro!”…
“Hiro, wake up!”
I tried to open my eyes from the long night sleep I just woke up from, but there was something that kept me from doing so...
“Mom! close the light… for god’s sake, how am I supposed to be able to see something like that?!” The burning in my eyes vaguely disappeared as I realized that mom turned the lights out.
“You got exactly five minutes to get up, today are your final exams and you can’t afford to be late!” Mom yelled at me as I heard her walking away from my room.
I got up from my warm bad and noticed that I sweated during my sleep, it was summer and I remember having some nightmare… Damn final exams…
I put on my school uniform, a blue T-shirt with the eight “Arts” printed on it and a pair of long black pants.
As I looked at the mirror in my room I’ve noticed that all my short brown hair is messed up from the long sleep, lucky I have spiky hair anyway so not more then two minutes of brushing it can do the job.
“Hiro! You’re going to be late!” my mom screamed at me from the kitchen.
“Coming right up ma!”
I walked past my brother’s room which door was closed as always (my brother is almost never at home) and into the kitchen where my mom was making my breakfast. As I walked in, I saw dad rushing to the door.
“Did you take your lunch?” Mom asked dad, but I doubt if he noticed.
“Late again dad?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, I always make it in time”.
Mom patiently asked again, “Sen, did you take your lunch?”
“Of course I did!” he yelled at mom as he was rushing towards the door, looking at the mirror one last time to ensure that he’s all tidy and clean and walked out the door. A few moments later I could hear him starting the car and driving away.
“Always the same story with him”, Mom quietly whispered to herself.
My mom is a calm woman, taller then my dad, with long, silky, brown hair and green eyes (just like me and my brother).
Unlike my mom, dad is a whole different story… He was born in Japan 53 years ago, a little older than my mom. He had short, black, straight hair, brown eyes, always tidy and organized. Just the opposite from my mom, he is a serious, inpatient and very angry person.
I don’t know how my parents get along so well together but I guess its true what they say, opposites attracts to each other.
“What are you thinking about so much Hiro? You need to finish your breakfast and go to school”.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get there in time…”
I finished my breakfast as fast as I could and went back to my room to get ready for school.
I brushed my hair and teeth, put on my shoes and I was almost ready to go.
Hmm, what else do I need?
Today are the final exams, I’ll need all my battle equipment…
I’ll take my favorite weapon, the katana, and tie it on my back. A few knives in case I’ll need them, two or three smoke bombs and last but not least, my cool NY “Jets” hat.
Well, I’m all ready to go I guess… Hope I didn’t forget anything.
I went through the kitchen to the front door and yelled to my mom on the way out, “Later ma!”
“Good luck honey!” she screamed back with a little excitement in her voice.
“Don’t need luck, its me, remember?”
I closed the door after me and started to walk to school.
I live in NY, not much of “Arts” school here anymore, only two left in the entire city… my parents told me that fifty years ago there were at least fifty schools here in the city, but then the modern age came and people started to prefer using guns which can easily kill a man by just pulling a trigger than learning for years how to control and manipulate the things around us using “Arts”.
In spite all of that, my dad and mom are both coming from families that use the “Arts” for ages, and as a result both are working at Zao’s, which is the “Arts” main organization here in the U.S.
Of course that there are other people who use the “Arts” outside Zao, but they are considered criminals and Zao is trying to stop them all the time.
Another major problem is, that now in the modern world people are disrespecting the “Arts” and think of people who use it as bums, who only learn it as tradition but will never use it in “their” world anyway.
When I got to school I saw a lot of students practicing their skills in the schoolyard (some first year students were watching and cheering every time they saw something they thought is cool), while others were reading the theoretical books for the written exam.
As I passed all the other students and entered the main building where the written exam will take place, I searched for my best friend Joe.
Joe and me were friends since I can remember. We studied at the Zao’s Elementary school in the same class all these years.
I heard a voice from behind me: “Hey Hiro”.
I looked around and I saw Joe standing there with his staff tied behind his back (Joe’s favorite weapon is the long staff).
Joe is a little taller then I, although he is much skinner… he has short, blonde hair and brown eyes. Also, he is black.
“Hey Joe! Sup? Are you ready for the exams?”
“Of course I am, I’m gonna ace them as usual!” he excitedly said.
“Don’t be so sure of yourself there, Drop! I’ve heard that the practical exam this year is going to be extra difficult,” I said with a slight smile.
“Who told you that, Crispy?” (Joe and I have nicknames for each other, he calls me Crispy because my favorite “Art” is Fire, and I call him Drop because his favorite “Art” is water).
“Don’t you remember? Last year the exams were so easy that almost everyone passed… The Zao’s exam comity was warned that if something like that ever happens again, they would all get fired. So I’m sure that this year the exam is going to be super hard”.
Joe suddenly became a little pale (as pale as he can get anyway).
“What happened Drop? Didn’t study hard enough?”
“Maybe a little… But don’t worry I’ll ace it anyway”, Joe said and he looked a little better.
“I’m sure you will mate”, I said in a cheering tone. Joe always succeeds in what he does… He is one of the best students in school and his skills in water “Arts” are amazing.
The bell rang just as I said the last sentence and we both hurried to our class.
The first exam is the written one; I know the material pretty good so I’m sure I’ll get a good score on it.
All of the students set in their chairs and Mr. Ross, our theoretical teacher, slowly walked into class and waited for silence.
Mr. Ross is a tall skinny man, with short black hair. He always stands upright and has a serious look on his face.
Everyone are nervous, so it didn’t take us long to stop talking.
Mr. Ross stared at each and every one of us and started talking slowly with his low tune: “First of all, I would like to remind you that these tests will determine along with the practical exams what will your future be and to which “Art” academy you will be able to get in to, so don’t take them lightly.
Seconds, I hope it is needless to remind you that if you would get caught cheating, you will get disqualified from the exams and will never be able to take them again.
The instructions for the exam are the following: you have 150 minutes exactly to finish the exam; the exam is four choices multiple questions in which you will need to circle one correct answer.
Lastly, I wish you all the best of luck!”
Mr. Ross distributed the exams to each one of us and set on the teacher’s desk.
“You may begin”.