Unite

[Helga]

Unite!

Sinners of the world
unite!
In blaming God
for troubles.
Unite and make him pay.
He gave us nothing
but hunger and dismay.
Unite! and make him pay.
He made us sinners
he makes us pray.
We ask him to make things better.
We ask him to help the world
he made.
He never listend
never gave us a chance,
we suffer in his name
we suffer in the world he made.
Sinners and beggars of the world
Unite
and make him pay.

[Koa]

Very direct and effective...I'd say the point is clear ;)
It's very hymn-like... and I think the marxist reference is quite fitting and actually creates the image of a crowd of wretched people marching and singing...like a demonstration (a bit like that famous picture, you know?)

I like these lines:

He made us sinners
he makes us pray

The line 'sinners and beggars of the world' is maybe a bit long for the rhythm so maybe you can put just beggars to change from sinners, but I see that it's not easy to cut words when you want to give an effect (I always screw the rhythm to fit words in lol ;)) and anyway it doesn't ruin the poem or the effect or anything, it was just a picky comment :)

[Helga]

I actually thought about the 'beggar-sinners' thing too... I don't know beggars just came to mind, I wanted to say: Sinners and....... unite and make him pay..... if some other thing comes to mind, I am willing to try them out......

Thanks for the comments, Koa! ;)

[amuse]

out of all of yours, i like this best. :nod:

[Avalive]

I saw God in hell. That's how I realized that there is always a lie in telling me there is also a heaven,in which God dwells. But you know what, Hell ain't bad,hehe.

[mono]

Eek! I apologize, Helga. I usually keep up with responding to poems, but lately, I suppose, I have felt slightly absent-minded, and have not read/analyzed a lot of poetry.
Well, 'Unite' certainly seems one of your more straight-forward that really gets a reader thinking. It does have a rather dark, satyrical manner that especially strikes my fancy, also always finding it strange that many, many people curse to a higher Being for troubles, but rarely for blessings.
Beautifully, beautifully done! ;)