telll me if this is a good poem

[bookworm_1963]

I wrote this but I can not get anyone to tell me what they think.

I can be surronded by a sea of people,
all I see is you,
you see me but look right past,
then I turn away.

[P!NK]

Nice ;)

But its a little short dont u think ? :)

[Jay]

Lenght's not everything :)

[Helga]

shortn'sweet.

[Monica]

I don't know if it's good, but I like it :) It's fine as it is, but maybe you should try to develop it a tiny little bit.

[SwtRose]

Some of the best poems were short poems. Some styles of poetry are made up of only two to four lines. Take for example the couplet

A couplet is a pair of lines of poetry that are usually rhymed.

Alexander Pope, in the 18th century perfected a form of heroic couplet.

Then share thy pain, allow that sad relief;
Ah, more than share it, give me all thy grief.
)- Alexander Pope


A Quatrain is a poem consisting of four lines of verse with a specific rhyming scheme.The first line rhymes with the second
and the third line rhymes with the fourth line.


This was an excellent poem and I liked the sentiments exspressed. without changing your writing style or offending you ,if I may suggest.

I can be surronded by a sea of people,
( Add But) all I see is you,
you see me but look right past,( Instead of past maybe through)
( Add So?) then I turn away.

I hope that you don't mind my suggestions, other than that I thought it was great. It is never easy when we are looking at someone but they don't see us. I have been there & done that. Your poem exspresses emotions felt by many in just 4 lines. Well done poet.

[dacogboy]

might i say that although the poem is short and sweet, it lacks real depth and soul. sorry to say that though

[dms007]

But why do you turn away when all you can see is him or her?
David

[bloggod]

it is cliche. keep trying! never stop writing, except to eat and make love.

[Nightshade]

Just back to the shortness again (First I really liked it though!)
yupp back to the shortness what about Common form by Kipling thats in my opinion the best WWI poem barring maybe Flanders fields anyway:
If any question why we died
Tell them because our fathers lied.

Short and sweet!
I loved your poem bookworm_1963 :nod:

[brighttears]

short and good. this could be on the first page of one of those fancy journals or something.

[LEGION]

they are nice words

thanks

:thumbs_up

[sypro]

can anyone comment on this poem plz . i wanna have a critical review

when the rain is over
and the water has been
sucked into earth
silence is heard in its totality

all hearts are immersed in quietness
all birds are half asleep
there is a calmness so deep
within my soul

there is pure joy
devoid of feverish breath
there is a peaceful stillness in the ocean
and my mind like a ship floats
boundless, thoughtless fearless

[tiny explorer]

hi! It makes me feel good reading your creations!hope I could hav 1 just as good as anybody else's! GREAT! I admire it!
;) :banana: :wave: :rolleyes: :crash:

[CheshireCat87]

i like it exept the last line. the last line seems unfinished