star_gazer2000
05-27-2005, 09:01 PM
So I fell for the stupid "Poetry.com" thing and entered my poem, which "won" and was put in the book. My grandmother decided to buy it for me and my poem was the on the first page, Whoop-dee-doo. The book is called "A Surrender to the Moon". I would like to know what other people think who aren't just after my money (not that I've got much but ya' know...) so contructive criticism is welcome. Thanks!!
La Luna
Cold and foreign, far away from Earth's chaos
Distant and calm, so unlike this lover's loss
She looks down upon so much pain
On death, destruction, romantic games
She symbolizes much, yet doesn't say a word
Every lie you've said, I know she's heard
My broken love, she stares down at me
With cool disapproval, she's judging me
So pure and true, she sees through my mistakes
And knows my faults were for love's sake
I wish you knew, as she does,
But my own words, I do not trust
She says nothing from her perch in the sky
She's seen every tear I've tried not to cry
Stars wink and twinkle beyond her glow,
They try to comfort because they too know
This lover's mourning must soon end,
before her broken heart is heaven sent.
La Luna
Cold and foreign, far away from Earth's chaos
Distant and calm, so unlike this lover's loss
She looks down upon so much pain
On death, destruction, romantic games
She symbolizes much, yet doesn't say a word
Every lie you've said, I know she's heard
My broken love, she stares down at me
With cool disapproval, she's judging me
So pure and true, she sees through my mistakes
And knows my faults were for love's sake
I wish you knew, as she does,
But my own words, I do not trust
She says nothing from her perch in the sky
She's seen every tear I've tried not to cry
Stars wink and twinkle beyond her glow,
They try to comfort because they too know
This lover's mourning must soon end,
before her broken heart is heaven sent.