Phoenix_Tears
08-09-2003, 12:56 PM
I really like this one actually, it could use a lot of work, it's about 60/100 good, but thats ok for now, maybe not later though wink
It’s like watching a movie in my head
It makes me wish I were dead
I feel such heaviness inside of me
It’s like a spell, which I will never be free
I turned to the faith, which satisfied me for a while
But for the journey of a thousand steps, it only took me a mile
It’s like wanting something with all your heart, but knowing it must never be
I cry and I wonder “Why me?”
I cannot be what everyone wants me to be, it would contradict who I really am
It’s like if I let myself show true, they say something like “well damn”
I feel so sick; I want to throw up whatever that’s killing me from inside
Choking me in my own pride
I find I cannot look at anyone anymore
Fearing they will see how deep they have me torn
I try to pick up the pieces of my broken soul
Though it’s too late for me now, I cannot be consoled
It’s like all I wanted was someone to show that they cared
But now if they did I might be scared
Forget about me as most have already done-
I am thinking of adding something to the end after the last line, what do you think? leave or add? if so, any suggestions? I want to do something like della moon did a while back, the poetry cafe, exercise and stretch my abuilities as a poet. give me a topic and i'll write a poem about it. then you can criticize it. i want honest ideas.
It’s like watching a movie in my head
It makes me wish I were dead
I feel such heaviness inside of me
It’s like a spell, which I will never be free
I turned to the faith, which satisfied me for a while
But for the journey of a thousand steps, it only took me a mile
It’s like wanting something with all your heart, but knowing it must never be
I cry and I wonder “Why me?”
I cannot be what everyone wants me to be, it would contradict who I really am
It’s like if I let myself show true, they say something like “well damn”
I feel so sick; I want to throw up whatever that’s killing me from inside
Choking me in my own pride
I find I cannot look at anyone anymore
Fearing they will see how deep they have me torn
I try to pick up the pieces of my broken soul
Though it’s too late for me now, I cannot be consoled
It’s like all I wanted was someone to show that they cared
But now if they did I might be scared
Forget about me as most have already done-
I am thinking of adding something to the end after the last line, what do you think? leave or add? if so, any suggestions? I want to do something like della moon did a while back, the poetry cafe, exercise and stretch my abuilities as a poet. give me a topic and i'll write a poem about it. then you can criticize it. i want honest ideas.