No Subject

[Pat Ross]

It's very difficult for many mothers to "let go" and allow other persons to fill the place they once inhabited automatically as parent. It is much the same for a father. Yielding to someone who is more important in one's life without having guilt about it is essential to a full maturation of young love, or new love. Wise parents make that transition easier rather than harder by giving permission (however silently or loudly) to their children to move away from them emotionally and come to rely upon a spouse rather than a parent. Accepting the nesting out process may be painful for parents whose entire world is or was made of their children, and most parents have difficulty giving up that prominence permanently however much they hope for a happy marriage for their children. Recognizing the ease or difficulty of helping a child to make that transition is as much a part of good parenting as any other task, timing being extremely difficult by not withdrawing too quickly for comfort in those children needing greater support, and not withdrawing too late for those who would rebel at not having the freedom to make the transition. Trying to always be there - just in case - is generally a good policy if parents are able to reconcile their own transition, and many parents unready for the withdrawing process experience their own sense of loss, often waiting to see if the transition process will "hold" or "fall apart." This discomfort is natural in parents who know the value of future relationships upon which their children rely, and envision for them a happy life with someone who in their minds are worthy of the commitment of their natural delight, their progeny whom they often value over anything else. It is often in not fully knowing the person well enough who is the object of that love that causes many problems, more than the withdrawal process itself. Most parents have visions of someone who might be "good enough" for their children; sometimes those perceptions are accurate and sometimes not, hence the need for trust in a child as well as understanding of the parent by the child to fill those gaps, most a function of communication and knowledge transmission to placate all, and increase the confidence of all concerned to make happy and comfortable families.

[H.HENRY]

Indeed Sons and Lovers is a brilliant work and in my mind largely reflects the nature ,in varying degrees, of the relationship between mothers and their children. It is reasonable to argue that most mother's in their 'zest' to rare their son properly form a close emotional bond that is almost stifling. In the end when the transition into adulthood is to be made the child is caught between worlds as, the love of another woman is associated with a betrayal of the mother,which is exactly what happens to Paul. Hey why do you think most mother -in-laws ,if not outrightly, despise their daughter-in-laws? It all boils down to jealousy and an overwhelming need to atleast feel that they are in control of the lives of their children.