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View Full Version : A SMALL NARRATIVE BY ME............



litlenani
07-18-2003, 08:41 PM
A FULL- GROWN LADY

Young girls are always eager to shoulder responsibilities. Those little angels think they are full-grown ladies. Once they start playing, their favourable game is acting the role of mothers cooking for their children. I was a very famous member of that group. It was one of my attempts to be the mother. I was almost ten years old :D



On that very day, which at first seemed to be monotonous, my attempt took place. We did not expect such queer events to happen. But, out of a sudden, my parents went out for an errand. It was the time which me, my elder sister and my brother were waiting for. It was the time for fun, freedom and excitement to begin. We took the opportunity to turn our calm apartment to a big mess. We shouted. We broke our toys. We scattered things here, there and every where. We jumped violently on the furniture. “O, someone is knocking the door”, I said fearfully :-? . Then, we opened the door with eagerness to know the new comer. We were SO afraid, because our house became completely a mess. After that, our breaths were released when my young uncle emerged. He was shocked by the horrible scene of the house. Then, he said that my grandfather is coming up to visit us.



As he said his words, like bees we flow. We were very skillful and experienced in hiding things. So, we put some toys under the carpet, and others in the cupboard. After a very short while all the scattered things were well-hidden. Few days ago, my mother made a very delicious cake with orange flavour. I had been watching her and I memorized the recipe by heart. My uncle was disappointed when he knew that my mother was not home. He wanted that cake. I sympathized him :( . Therefore, as a lady, my dignity forced me to make the cake for my angry hungry uncle. It was a good chance to me to show that I am a full-grown lady. Nevertheless, my uncle was disappointed once more. The materials were not found in the kitchen. So, he went to the store and brought them to me.



In the kitchen, which was by the end of the hall to the right hand of the apartment door, I started alone to make the cake. I followed my mother’s recipe word by word, but I did not know why was it too liquid than it was supposed to be?!!. “Never mind”, I said and I put it in the oven. Then, I made a pot of tea. I took it to the living room, which was to the left hand of the door. All hopes were hanged on that cake. While we were enjoying our tea, we heard a very strong sound of explosion coming from the kitchen. We felt it as an earthquake. We became killingly terrified. We did not know where to go. The only thing I knew was “I don’t know!!!.” My heart fell down in my foot like a nail and fixed me on the ground. I could not move. Every vein in my body was going to explode. My uncle did the wise step when he went to the kitchen to find out the reason. It was from the oven. But, still he did not know what the reason was. He turned it off. After a short time, I remembered that I hided my father’s cigarette lighter in the oven. Then, unconsciously, I poured my milk-like cake in the sink. My poor uncle went mad and sharply said “Why did you do that??!!!.” I did not know why I did so. The only thing I know that I was very confused and afraid of what to say to mom and dad.



"It’s your fault,” all of them said sharply :evil: . “It isn’t my fault . It’s the fault of the oven, it was the only suitable place I found”, innocently I replied. But when they insisted that it was still my fault, I become in an appallingly bad temper. Confidently I told them that it was theirs from the early beginning. They knew I am a little poor girl and ,nevertheless, they allowed me to make that damn cake with orange flavour. Silent all of them were. At that very moment, my eyes were searching for mum to have a big hug. I was afraid. :rolleyes:



Finally, the smell of gas disappeared. My parents went home. Every thing was in its right place. They knew nothing of what had passed till ten years later while I am writing this essay. I realized , at that time, that I needed a very long time to be a full- grown lady and at the age of ten I was still a child. :oops:




HOPE YOU LIKE IT . TELL ME IF SO
ALSO YOU CAN FIND IT ON MY SITE HIHIHIHI :P
I LIKE TO READ YOURS ;)

litlenani
08-09-2003, 08:09 PM
Thank you guys for reading my humble work. But I do realy want to KNOW your opinions . Waiting for your replies

NaNi

Mysteri3
08-16-2003, 05:06 PM
I would describe your story as amusing and comforting, because childhood is such a familiar subject and the conflict is humorous and simple.
Did you write it for submission or is it an assignment of some sort?

Arteum
08-16-2003, 05:18 PM
litlenani,

Do you really want critical remarks on that piece? I may give them to you in a private message, but they can be rather scathing ... although they can also be helpful for your further attempts. We can start with the grammar and the sentence formation ...

litlenani
08-17-2003, 11:02 AM
Did you write it for submission or is it an assignment of some sort? In fact, it is an assignment in writing a narrative essay. Thank you Mysteri3 ;) .

litlenani
08-17-2003, 11:13 AM
but they can be rather scathing
Do not worry they won't be. And I do REALY want to improve my writing skills. Waiting for your messege. Thanks 8)