Biggus
11-06-2020, 06:03 AM
I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 8
I’m something of a joker
In fact I’m really comical
I have an experimental joke
But laughs aren’t reproducible
MY FAVOURITE COMEDIAN IS A DUCK
My favourite comedian is a duck
I like to see him do stand up
Though he’s not to everyone’s taste
The guy really quacks me up
THE ORANGE STOPPED AT THE TOP OF THE HILL
The Orange stopped at the top of the hill
Along with the Tangerine and a Honeydew
And the reason for that was crystal clear
Because each one had run out of juice
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 9
My next-door neighbour,
The catholic converter,
Worships exhaust pipes
IN A SHELL SUIT
What do you call a chicken?
The question begs
If it wears a shell suit?
It’s obviously an Egg
THE LAST THING THAT KING HAROLD SAID
The last thing that King Harold said
On the day that he died
During the Battle of Hastings?
Was "I spy with my little eye"
CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING
Car Football is actually a thing
If not to everyone’s desire
Nonetheless the car was in
The dressing room, changing attire
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TERRIFY
If you really want to terrify
A confirmed batchelor?
Fill his pockets with confetti
While he’s passed out on the floor
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT FLIES FASTER
There is only one thing that flies faster
Than stock off the shelves on Black Friday
And that is the endless flash of white
Of till receipt as the customers pay
HE WAS A PESSIMIST AND NO MISTAKE
He was a pessimist and no mistake
But he wasn’t a cup half empty kind of guy
He was very much worse than that
He didn’t even have a cup, that’s why
IN THE BBC NEWSROOM
In the BBC Newsroom
Just ahead of the action
The producer announces
“Lights Camera Fiction”
A NUMBER OF CHEMISTS WERE TAKEN ILL
A number of Chemists were taken ill
And try as we might we couldn’t Helium
And because we were unable to Curium
The only thing we could do was Barium
WHATEVER THE OUTCOME OF WAR
Whatever the outcome of war
It leaves many people bereft
And doesn’t prove who is right,
But it certainly proves who is left
WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS
When I first got into athletics
A hurdle scared me a bit
But with dogged perseverance
I managed to get over it
WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS
I sit alone in a room
Writing jokes for comics
To earn my money
But on my own I wonder
If I’m the only person on the planet
Who thinks it's funny
So riddled with self-doubt
I’m terrified of finding out
THERE IS AN ABBA TRIBUTE BAND
There is an ABBA tribute band
Only three members but well above par
They work in a French slaughterhouse
And call themselves, Abba trois
TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED
Two Clowns divorced
And it was a very messy to do
As they all stood and watched
The Custardy battle ensue
LIVE YOUR DREAMS
Everyone tells you to “live your dreams”
Well I’m afraid I’m not so sure
As I don’t want to live my life naked
In an exam that I haven't revised for
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT INTROSPECTION IS
If you don't know what introspection is
Then I’ll tell you straight
You will definitely need to take a long,
Hard look at yourself mate
GIVING KIDS A BAD NAME
Giving kids a bad name
Is one of life’s absurdities
But those who really give kids
A bad name are, celebrities
I’m something of a joker
In fact I’m really comical
I have an experimental joke
But laughs aren’t reproducible
MY FAVOURITE COMEDIAN IS A DUCK
My favourite comedian is a duck
I like to see him do stand up
Though he’s not to everyone’s taste
The guy really quacks me up
THE ORANGE STOPPED AT THE TOP OF THE HILL
The Orange stopped at the top of the hill
Along with the Tangerine and a Honeydew
And the reason for that was crystal clear
Because each one had run out of juice
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 9
My next-door neighbour,
The catholic converter,
Worships exhaust pipes
IN A SHELL SUIT
What do you call a chicken?
The question begs
If it wears a shell suit?
It’s obviously an Egg
THE LAST THING THAT KING HAROLD SAID
The last thing that King Harold said
On the day that he died
During the Battle of Hastings?
Was "I spy with my little eye"
CAR FOOTBALL IS A THING
Car Football is actually a thing
If not to everyone’s desire
Nonetheless the car was in
The dressing room, changing attire
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TERRIFY
If you really want to terrify
A confirmed batchelor?
Fill his pockets with confetti
While he’s passed out on the floor
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT FLIES FASTER
There is only one thing that flies faster
Than stock off the shelves on Black Friday
And that is the endless flash of white
Of till receipt as the customers pay
HE WAS A PESSIMIST AND NO MISTAKE
He was a pessimist and no mistake
But he wasn’t a cup half empty kind of guy
He was very much worse than that
He didn’t even have a cup, that’s why
IN THE BBC NEWSROOM
In the BBC Newsroom
Just ahead of the action
The producer announces
“Lights Camera Fiction”
A NUMBER OF CHEMISTS WERE TAKEN ILL
A number of Chemists were taken ill
And try as we might we couldn’t Helium
And because we were unable to Curium
The only thing we could do was Barium
WHATEVER THE OUTCOME OF WAR
Whatever the outcome of war
It leaves many people bereft
And doesn’t prove who is right,
But it certainly proves who is left
WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO ATHLETICS
When I first got into athletics
A hurdle scared me a bit
But with dogged perseverance
I managed to get over it
WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS
I sit alone in a room
Writing jokes for comics
To earn my money
But on my own I wonder
If I’m the only person on the planet
Who thinks it's funny
So riddled with self-doubt
I’m terrified of finding out
THERE IS AN ABBA TRIBUTE BAND
There is an ABBA tribute band
Only three members but well above par
They work in a French slaughterhouse
And call themselves, Abba trois
TWO CLOWNS DIVORCED
Two Clowns divorced
And it was a very messy to do
As they all stood and watched
The Custardy battle ensue
LIVE YOUR DREAMS
Everyone tells you to “live your dreams”
Well I’m afraid I’m not so sure
As I don’t want to live my life naked
In an exam that I haven't revised for
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT INTROSPECTION IS
If you don't know what introspection is
Then I’ll tell you straight
You will definitely need to take a long,
Hard look at yourself mate
GIVING KIDS A BAD NAME
Giving kids a bad name
Is one of life’s absurdities
But those who really give kids
A bad name are, celebrities