Biggus
11-04-2020, 09:23 AM
I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 7
I’m something of a joker
In fact I’m a crazy comic
I have an experimental joke
Sadly it’s a bit formulaic
PRISSY LEGHORN CROSSED THE ROAD
Prissy Leghorn crossed the road
Without any fuss or theatrics
Because her husband Foghorn
Said there was a man laying bricks
NATURE IS A REALLY WONDERFUL THING
Nature is a really wonderful thing
But I particularly like Hummingbirds
And there is a reason why they hum
It’s because they don’t know the words
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 10
On the bottom of
The sea it twitches? because
It’s a nervous wreck
THE FIRST SIGN IS FORGETTING NAMES
The first sign is forgetting names
And that really makes you frown
Then you forget to pull your flies up
Finally you forget to pull it down
A MAN ENTERED A BEST PUN CONTEST
A man entered a best pun contest
And he chose ten puns to submit,
Hoping at least one pun would win
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did
6 SPRITES
I went to the shop
To buy 6 Sprites to sup
But when I got home
I realised I’d picked 7 up
TWO FISH WERE IN A TANK
Two fish were in a tank
And one said after pondering
“This is a really nice tank
But how do we drive the thing?”
A MAN BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE GERMAN CAR
A man bought an expensive German car
Primarily to impress his friends
Unfortunately, he drove it into a tree
And found out how a Mercedes bends
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TEA BAG
The difference between a tea bag
And Woking Football Club
Is a simple one to discover
A tea bag stays longer in the cup
I PICKED UP A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY
I picked up a bottle of Whiskey
But something was wrong with it
I didn’t know what exactly, but
I would get to the bottom of it
SOMEONE STEPPED ON A JUICY GRAPE
Someone stepped on a juicy grape
That fell from the vine
It made no utterance at its demise
But did let out a little wine
I HAVE A PHOBIA OF ELEVATORS
I have a phobia of elevators
Escalators and travellators
I can’t do any automated system
So I take steps to avoid them
ROSES ARE RED # 2
Roses are red
Apples are green
You are a cutie
And I’m really keen
THE SAILOR COULDN’T PLAY CARDS
The sailor couldn’t play cards
On the voyage back
And that was because he
Was sitting on the deck
THE SECURITY SERVICES
The security services
Employ cannibal interrogators
Specifically so they can
Grill any of the perpetrators
APPARENTLY IN DAYS OF YORE
Apparently in days of yore,
Evidence has come to light,
That dragon’s slept in the day
So they could fight knights
DIFFICULT TO SAY HOW
Difficult to say how
She earns a living, for
She sells sea shells
On the sea shore
THE THEFT OF A WHOLE SHOP
The theft of a whole shop in Regents
Street was caught on CCTV
But police are appealing for anyone
Who saw people taking Liberty's
I HAVE A NUMBER OF CATS
I have a number of cats, but one
Is a mischievous kitten
Who swallowed a ball of wool
As a result she had Mittens
I’m something of a joker
In fact I’m a crazy comic
I have an experimental joke
Sadly it’s a bit formulaic
PRISSY LEGHORN CROSSED THE ROAD
Prissy Leghorn crossed the road
Without any fuss or theatrics
Because her husband Foghorn
Said there was a man laying bricks
NATURE IS A REALLY WONDERFUL THING
Nature is a really wonderful thing
But I particularly like Hummingbirds
And there is a reason why they hum
It’s because they don’t know the words
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 10
On the bottom of
The sea it twitches? because
It’s a nervous wreck
THE FIRST SIGN IS FORGETTING NAMES
The first sign is forgetting names
And that really makes you frown
Then you forget to pull your flies up
Finally you forget to pull it down
A MAN ENTERED A BEST PUN CONTEST
A man entered a best pun contest
And he chose ten puns to submit,
Hoping at least one pun would win
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did
6 SPRITES
I went to the shop
To buy 6 Sprites to sup
But when I got home
I realised I’d picked 7 up
TWO FISH WERE IN A TANK
Two fish were in a tank
And one said after pondering
“This is a really nice tank
But how do we drive the thing?”
A MAN BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE GERMAN CAR
A man bought an expensive German car
Primarily to impress his friends
Unfortunately, he drove it into a tree
And found out how a Mercedes bends
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TEA BAG
The difference between a tea bag
And Woking Football Club
Is a simple one to discover
A tea bag stays longer in the cup
I PICKED UP A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY
I picked up a bottle of Whiskey
But something was wrong with it
I didn’t know what exactly, but
I would get to the bottom of it
SOMEONE STEPPED ON A JUICY GRAPE
Someone stepped on a juicy grape
That fell from the vine
It made no utterance at its demise
But did let out a little wine
I HAVE A PHOBIA OF ELEVATORS
I have a phobia of elevators
Escalators and travellators
I can’t do any automated system
So I take steps to avoid them
ROSES ARE RED # 2
Roses are red
Apples are green
You are a cutie
And I’m really keen
THE SAILOR COULDN’T PLAY CARDS
The sailor couldn’t play cards
On the voyage back
And that was because he
Was sitting on the deck
THE SECURITY SERVICES
The security services
Employ cannibal interrogators
Specifically so they can
Grill any of the perpetrators
APPARENTLY IN DAYS OF YORE
Apparently in days of yore,
Evidence has come to light,
That dragon’s slept in the day
So they could fight knights
DIFFICULT TO SAY HOW
Difficult to say how
She earns a living, for
She sells sea shells
On the sea shore
THE THEFT OF A WHOLE SHOP
The theft of a whole shop in Regents
Street was caught on CCTV
But police are appealing for anyone
Who saw people taking Liberty's
I HAVE A NUMBER OF CATS
I have a number of cats, but one
Is a mischievous kitten
Who swallowed a ball of wool
As a result she had Mittens