Biggus
10-29-2020, 08:26 AM
I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 6
I’m something of a joker
In fact I’m a comedy clown
I have a primatology joke
As I like to monkey around
IF YOU NEVER WENT TO CHURCH
If you never went to church
But watched songs of praise
That might not be good enough
When under St Peters gaze
OUR LOCAL CHURCH IS RAISING MONEY
Our local church is raising money
For restoration to the steeple
Donors make an online payment
Using the secure system, Papal
HE WAS RUNNING AN ELECTRIC FIRE ALL DAY
He was running an electric fire all day
And he’d never been so extravagant before
But he said he wasn’t worried about the cost
Because he borrowed it from next door
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 11
Exaggerations
Went up a million percent
Last year so I heard
I THINK MEN ARE LIKE WEAPONS
I think men are like weapons
Because if you keep one
Around the house sooner or later
You’ll want to shoot one
SOMETIMES I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY
Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy
I admitted to my wife Dot
In reply she said chillingly
Not while I’m alive you’re not
HE WAS LOCKED UP AFTER HE THREW
He was locked up after he threw
His wife’s clothes out the window
What made it a heinous crime
She was wearing them at the time
HE MARKED HIS GOLDEN WEDDING
He marked his golden wedding
With his customary defiance
Celebrating the special occasion
With a two minutes silence
MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS HISTORICAL
My wife always gets historical
When we argue, not hysterical
She drags up things you know
That happened many years ago
SHE WAS NINETY THREE YEARS OLD
She was ninety three years old
While he was only ninety one
Not a cross word, but they were
Both deaf when said and done
IF I SAID MY DOG RAN TEN MILES,
If I said my dog ran ten miles,
And not so his legs were stretched,
But to retrieve his favourite stick,
Would you think it too far fetched
IN A BORNEO JUNGLE THERE IS
In a Borneo jungle there is
An albino orang-utan
That the indigenous people call
A meringue-utan
THE FITTEST HIMALAYAN
500 sit-ups a day
For the fittest Himalayan
Has earned him the name
The abdominal snowman
A PARROT SAT ON A CUSTODY CHAIR
A Parrot sat on a custody chair
And continually prattled on
In fact he sang like a canary
So he was a real Stool Pigeon
AT THE END OF THE DAY
At the end of the day
Cats enjoy a drink
And the love to hear
The Mice cubes chink
THE BEST WAY TO GET YOU SAFELY
The best way to get you safely
Across the desert to the next well
Is on the famous dromedary
Humphrey the three humped camel
DAMIEN DUCK WAS DRESSED UP
Damien Duck was dressed up
For the Halloween extravaganza
And went to the Halloween party
As Vampire Count Quackula
THE DIAMONDBACK WAS IN TEARS
The Diamondback was in tears
And was quite inconsolable
The reason was that someone
Had taken away his rattle
EVERYONE WANTED TO HANG OUT
Everyone wanted to hang out
With the mushroom but why?
I didn’t see the fascination
But it’s because he’s a fungi
I’m something of a joker
In fact I’m a comedy clown
I have a primatology joke
As I like to monkey around
IF YOU NEVER WENT TO CHURCH
If you never went to church
But watched songs of praise
That might not be good enough
When under St Peters gaze
OUR LOCAL CHURCH IS RAISING MONEY
Our local church is raising money
For restoration to the steeple
Donors make an online payment
Using the secure system, Papal
HE WAS RUNNING AN ELECTRIC FIRE ALL DAY
He was running an electric fire all day
And he’d never been so extravagant before
But he said he wasn’t worried about the cost
Because he borrowed it from next door
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 11
Exaggerations
Went up a million percent
Last year so I heard
I THINK MEN ARE LIKE WEAPONS
I think men are like weapons
Because if you keep one
Around the house sooner or later
You’ll want to shoot one
SOMETIMES I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY
Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy
I admitted to my wife Dot
In reply she said chillingly
Not while I’m alive you’re not
HE WAS LOCKED UP AFTER HE THREW
He was locked up after he threw
His wife’s clothes out the window
What made it a heinous crime
She was wearing them at the time
HE MARKED HIS GOLDEN WEDDING
He marked his golden wedding
With his customary defiance
Celebrating the special occasion
With a two minutes silence
MY WIFE ALWAYS GETS HISTORICAL
My wife always gets historical
When we argue, not hysterical
She drags up things you know
That happened many years ago
SHE WAS NINETY THREE YEARS OLD
She was ninety three years old
While he was only ninety one
Not a cross word, but they were
Both deaf when said and done
IF I SAID MY DOG RAN TEN MILES,
If I said my dog ran ten miles,
And not so his legs were stretched,
But to retrieve his favourite stick,
Would you think it too far fetched
IN A BORNEO JUNGLE THERE IS
In a Borneo jungle there is
An albino orang-utan
That the indigenous people call
A meringue-utan
THE FITTEST HIMALAYAN
500 sit-ups a day
For the fittest Himalayan
Has earned him the name
The abdominal snowman
A PARROT SAT ON A CUSTODY CHAIR
A Parrot sat on a custody chair
And continually prattled on
In fact he sang like a canary
So he was a real Stool Pigeon
AT THE END OF THE DAY
At the end of the day
Cats enjoy a drink
And the love to hear
The Mice cubes chink
THE BEST WAY TO GET YOU SAFELY
The best way to get you safely
Across the desert to the next well
Is on the famous dromedary
Humphrey the three humped camel
DAMIEN DUCK WAS DRESSED UP
Damien Duck was dressed up
For the Halloween extravaganza
And went to the Halloween party
As Vampire Count Quackula
THE DIAMONDBACK WAS IN TEARS
The Diamondback was in tears
And was quite inconsolable
The reason was that someone
Had taken away his rattle
EVERYONE WANTED TO HANG OUT
Everyone wanted to hang out
With the mushroom but why?
I didn’t see the fascination
But it’s because he’s a fungi