Biggus
10-26-2020, 11:28 AM
I’M SOMETHING OF A JOKER # 5
I’m something of a joker
People think I’m a funny man
I’ve a Palaeoanthropology joke
But to be fare it’s an Oldowan
PUT THE CAT OUT
“Can you put the cat out?”
I heard my angry wife shout
“No, it can use the cat flap”
I immediately shouted back
She then screamed “Put it out!”
And again “put the cat out!”
And each scream got higher
“Because the cat is on fire!”
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 12
Snoop Dogg carries an
Umbrella, for a simple
Reason: Fo' drizzle!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 440
Hickory Dickory Dock
Four mice ran up the clock
When the clock struck one
The other three were in shock
But otherwise were unharmed
SEX AT SIXTY IS ALL VERY WELL
Sex at sixty is all very well
But it’s a bit do or die
Slowing down is better
And pulling into a lay-by
WHAT DOES THE EASTER BUNNY
What does the Easter Bunny
Get for himself
For making a basket?
Two points, like anyone else.
THE EASTER BUNNY’S STORY
The Easter Bunny’s Story
Is a classic Easter Tale
But given his characteristics
It might be a Cotton Tale
MY NIECE LOVES THE EASTER BUNNY
My niece loves the Easter Bunny
But she won’t say Happy Easter
When she wears her Bunny Ears
She likes to say Hoppy Easter
I LOVE PENGUINS AND ALWAYS HAVE
I love Penguins and always have
But have you ever wondered which side
Of a Penguin has the most feathers?
It’s ok it’s a trick question as its the outside
INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON
Inside every older person
There is a younger person
Wondering and saddened
About what had happened
I CAN STILL ENJOY SEX
I can still enjoy sex
At Seventy four,
I live at seventy six
So it’s only next door
SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS SAID
So many of my friends said
They were looking forward
To attending the sarcasm club
No one turned up, awkward
I TOOK MY WIFE TO AN APPLE ORCHARD
I took my wife to an Apple Orchard
And the fruit hung ripe to adore
But she didn’t like it, as it was not
The Apple Watch she was hoping for
THE SENIOR CITIZENS GROUP
The Senior Citizens group
Were one of the very top
Break dancing troupes
And they were called Hip Op
FISHING PHILOSOPHY
Give a man a fish
And he’ll eat for a day
Teach him to fish
And he might go away
WAS JESUS MARRIED # 2
Was Jesus married?
Was a she behind his success?
That might well explain
Faking his own death
WE WANTED TO SPICE UP THE SEX
We wanted to spice up the sex,
Which, is more exciting than it sounds
As my girlfriend scratches during sex
Last night she won ten pounds
TODAY I CAUGHT MY GIRLFRIEND
Today I caught my Girlfriend
Having a solo liaison
Using a vibrator, in absolute silence
I thought “that’s not on”
THERE IS A PREMIER SAUSAGE COMPETITION
There is a premier sausage competition
And much interest in who would come first
There were very many different categories
The Best German sausage was the Wurst
I SPOKE TO DIANA ROSS
I spoke to Diana Ross
Several times on the mobile
But I didn’t want her
Dyno-Rod was what I dialled
I’m something of a joker
People think I’m a funny man
I’ve a Palaeoanthropology joke
But to be fare it’s an Oldowan
PUT THE CAT OUT
“Can you put the cat out?”
I heard my angry wife shout
“No, it can use the cat flap”
I immediately shouted back
She then screamed “Put it out!”
And again “put the cat out!”
And each scream got higher
“Because the cat is on fire!”
HUMEROUS HAIKU # 12
Snoop Dogg carries an
Umbrella, for a simple
Reason: Fo' drizzle!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 440
Hickory Dickory Dock
Four mice ran up the clock
When the clock struck one
The other three were in shock
But otherwise were unharmed
SEX AT SIXTY IS ALL VERY WELL
Sex at sixty is all very well
But it’s a bit do or die
Slowing down is better
And pulling into a lay-by
WHAT DOES THE EASTER BUNNY
What does the Easter Bunny
Get for himself
For making a basket?
Two points, like anyone else.
THE EASTER BUNNY’S STORY
The Easter Bunny’s Story
Is a classic Easter Tale
But given his characteristics
It might be a Cotton Tale
MY NIECE LOVES THE EASTER BUNNY
My niece loves the Easter Bunny
But she won’t say Happy Easter
When she wears her Bunny Ears
She likes to say Hoppy Easter
I LOVE PENGUINS AND ALWAYS HAVE
I love Penguins and always have
But have you ever wondered which side
Of a Penguin has the most feathers?
It’s ok it’s a trick question as its the outside
INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON
Inside every older person
There is a younger person
Wondering and saddened
About what had happened
I CAN STILL ENJOY SEX
I can still enjoy sex
At Seventy four,
I live at seventy six
So it’s only next door
SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS SAID
So many of my friends said
They were looking forward
To attending the sarcasm club
No one turned up, awkward
I TOOK MY WIFE TO AN APPLE ORCHARD
I took my wife to an Apple Orchard
And the fruit hung ripe to adore
But she didn’t like it, as it was not
The Apple Watch she was hoping for
THE SENIOR CITIZENS GROUP
The Senior Citizens group
Were one of the very top
Break dancing troupes
And they were called Hip Op
FISHING PHILOSOPHY
Give a man a fish
And he’ll eat for a day
Teach him to fish
And he might go away
WAS JESUS MARRIED # 2
Was Jesus married?
Was a she behind his success?
That might well explain
Faking his own death
WE WANTED TO SPICE UP THE SEX
We wanted to spice up the sex,
Which, is more exciting than it sounds
As my girlfriend scratches during sex
Last night she won ten pounds
TODAY I CAUGHT MY GIRLFRIEND
Today I caught my Girlfriend
Having a solo liaison
Using a vibrator, in absolute silence
I thought “that’s not on”
THERE IS A PREMIER SAUSAGE COMPETITION
There is a premier sausage competition
And much interest in who would come first
There were very many different categories
The Best German sausage was the Wurst
I SPOKE TO DIANA ROSS
I spoke to Diana Ross
Several times on the mobile
But I didn’t want her
Dyno-Rod was what I dialled