Biggus
09-22-2020, 06:49 AM
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 439
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells, and cockle shells
And other tacky blingy show
GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID THAT HE WANTED
Grandpa always said that he wanted,
And he had the plans formalised,
That he would be laid to rest with Nan
So on his death we had her euthanized
HAN SOLO AND CHEWBACCA
Han Solo and Chewbacca
Were not paid for a delivery
So, Han got straight to the point
“You owe me one Kenobi”
HAMILTON THE MUSICAL
I went to see Hamilton the musical, but
I didn’t like it when all said and done
It was definitely musical without a doubt
But not one mention of Formula One
I’M A BIT OF A CANNIBAL
I’m a bit of a Cannibal
But I’m going to stop
As you can’t buy a cadaver
Not even at Body Shop
SHE’S BEEN SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS
When she returned home, she said
She had been sleeping under the stars
Which meant, she’d been having sex
With celebrities that she met in bars
HOW IRONIC WOULD IT BE
How ironic would it be if
When learning survival skills
On a survival weekend
You had to eat Bear Grills
BUSH CRAFT
I took an evening class in Bush Craft
But they used some peculiar things
For example a sharp blade, a mirror
Some wax and assorted sequins
THE BOYS WERE CATCHING CRABS
Down on the beach, the boys
Were Catching Crabs
In other words they were shagging
Bimbette and Babs
DEFINITION OF GOOSE BUMPS
Definition of Goose bumps
Is not just a reflex action
It’s what you give a goose
On his birthday celebration
THE YOUNG MEN CALLED HER JIGSAW
The young men called her jigsaw
For she was not universally adored
And the boys would only do her
When they were really bored
THE WOKING STAR STRIKER
The Woking star Striker
Went down in the box
It was his wife’s birthday
So it was not unorthodox
ADMIRED ATHLETES
I have great admiration
For athletic competitors
But you’ve got to hand it
To those relay runners
FRENCH COMEDY REALLY DOES EXIST
French comedy really does exist
But it must come, prerequisite,
From the joke producing region
Otherwise it’s just Sparkling wit
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN
Christopher Robin
Was in hundred acre wood
And by Poohsticks Bridge
All his friends were stood
Lottie, Owl, and Piglet
Eeyore, Kanga and Roo
Rabbit and bouncy Tigger
And Winnie-the-Pooh
Poohsticks, poohsticks
Shouted Tigger and piglet
Poohsticks, poohsticks
Yes it really does said Rabbit
EVERY MINUTE SHE BURNED FOR HIM
Every minute she burned for him
Ever since their night of passion
Though it was not out of desire
Cystitis, that was her affliction
SHE WANTED HIM TO TURN THE LIGHT OUT
She wanted him to turn the light out
While he made love to her
But he refused to do it because
He was the lighthouse keeper
HE WAS ONLY THE LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER
He was only the lighthouse keeper
And she was a girl from the docks
When the light went out on their love
Their relationship was on the rocks
THERE IS A GREAT STAR WARS SPECIAL
There is a great Star Wars Special
At the salon, amid the lotions and lacquer
Where they are doing a wax treatment
Called the Chewbacca sacca and cracca
GETTING ON # 12
I’m officially old, as I don’t need
To become a narcotics enthusiast
Because I can get the same effect
Simply by standing up too fast
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells, and cockle shells
And other tacky blingy show
GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID THAT HE WANTED
Grandpa always said that he wanted,
And he had the plans formalised,
That he would be laid to rest with Nan
So on his death we had her euthanized
HAN SOLO AND CHEWBACCA
Han Solo and Chewbacca
Were not paid for a delivery
So, Han got straight to the point
“You owe me one Kenobi”
HAMILTON THE MUSICAL
I went to see Hamilton the musical, but
I didn’t like it when all said and done
It was definitely musical without a doubt
But not one mention of Formula One
I’M A BIT OF A CANNIBAL
I’m a bit of a Cannibal
But I’m going to stop
As you can’t buy a cadaver
Not even at Body Shop
SHE’S BEEN SLEEPING UNDER THE STARS
When she returned home, she said
She had been sleeping under the stars
Which meant, she’d been having sex
With celebrities that she met in bars
HOW IRONIC WOULD IT BE
How ironic would it be if
When learning survival skills
On a survival weekend
You had to eat Bear Grills
BUSH CRAFT
I took an evening class in Bush Craft
But they used some peculiar things
For example a sharp blade, a mirror
Some wax and assorted sequins
THE BOYS WERE CATCHING CRABS
Down on the beach, the boys
Were Catching Crabs
In other words they were shagging
Bimbette and Babs
DEFINITION OF GOOSE BUMPS
Definition of Goose bumps
Is not just a reflex action
It’s what you give a goose
On his birthday celebration
THE YOUNG MEN CALLED HER JIGSAW
The young men called her jigsaw
For she was not universally adored
And the boys would only do her
When they were really bored
THE WOKING STAR STRIKER
The Woking star Striker
Went down in the box
It was his wife’s birthday
So it was not unorthodox
ADMIRED ATHLETES
I have great admiration
For athletic competitors
But you’ve got to hand it
To those relay runners
FRENCH COMEDY REALLY DOES EXIST
French comedy really does exist
But it must come, prerequisite,
From the joke producing region
Otherwise it’s just Sparkling wit
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN
Christopher Robin
Was in hundred acre wood
And by Poohsticks Bridge
All his friends were stood
Lottie, Owl, and Piglet
Eeyore, Kanga and Roo
Rabbit and bouncy Tigger
And Winnie-the-Pooh
Poohsticks, poohsticks
Shouted Tigger and piglet
Poohsticks, poohsticks
Yes it really does said Rabbit
EVERY MINUTE SHE BURNED FOR HIM
Every minute she burned for him
Ever since their night of passion
Though it was not out of desire
Cystitis, that was her affliction
SHE WANTED HIM TO TURN THE LIGHT OUT
She wanted him to turn the light out
While he made love to her
But he refused to do it because
He was the lighthouse keeper
HE WAS ONLY THE LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER
He was only the lighthouse keeper
And she was a girl from the docks
When the light went out on their love
Their relationship was on the rocks
THERE IS A GREAT STAR WARS SPECIAL
There is a great Star Wars Special
At the salon, amid the lotions and lacquer
Where they are doing a wax treatment
Called the Chewbacca sacca and cracca
GETTING ON # 12
I’m officially old, as I don’t need
To become a narcotics enthusiast
Because I can get the same effect
Simply by standing up too fast