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Act 5. Scene III

SCENE III. Gloucestershire. SHALLOW'S orchard.

Enter FALSTAFF, SHALLOW, SILENCE, DAVY, BARDOLPH, and the Page
SHALLOW
Nay, you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbour,
we will eat a last year's pippin of my own graffing,
with a dish of caraways, and so forth: come,
cousin Silence: and then to bed.

FALSTAFF
'Fore God, you have here a goodly dwelling and a rich.

SHALLOW
Barren, barren, barren; beggars all, beggars all,
Sir John: marry, good air. Spread, Davy; spread,
Davy; well said, Davy.

FALSTAFF
This Davy serves you for good uses; he is your
serving-man and your husband.

SHALLOW
A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet,
Sir John: by the mass, I have drunk too much sack
at supper: a good varlet. Now sit down, now sit
down: come, cousin.

SILENCE
Ah, sirrah! quoth-a, we shall
Do nothing but eat, and make good cheer,

Singing

And praise God for the merry year;
When flesh is cheap and females dear,
And lusty lads roam here and there
So merrily,
And ever among so merrily.

FALSTAFF
There's a merry heart! Good Master Silence, I'll
give you a health for that anon.

SHALLOW
Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.

DAVY
Sweet sir, sit; I'll be with you anon. most sweet
sir, sit. Master page, good master page, sit.
Proface! What you want in meat, we'll have in drink:
but you must bear; the heart's all.

Exit

SHALLOW
Be merry, Master Bardolph; and, my little soldier
there, be merry.

SILENCE
Be merry, be merry, my wife has all;

Singing

For women are shrews, both short and tall:
'Tis merry in hall when beards wag all,
And welcome merry Shrove-tide.
Be merry, be merry.

FALSTAFF
I did not think Master Silence had been a man of
this mettle.

SILENCE
Who, I? I have been merry twice and once ere now.

Re-enter DAVY

DAVY
There's a dish of leather-coats for you.

To BARDOLPH

SHALLOW
Davy!

DAVY
Your worship! I'll be with you straight.

To BARDOLPH

A cup of wine, sir?

SILENCE
A cup of wine that's brisk and fine,

Singing

And drink unto the leman mine;
And a merry heart lives long-a.

FALSTAFF
Well said, Master Silence.

SILENCE
An we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet o' the night.

FALSTAFF
Health and long life to you, Master Silence.

SILENCE
Fill the cup, and let it come;

Singing

I'll pledge you a mile to the bottom.

SHALLOW
Honest Bardolph, welcome: if thou wantest any
thing, and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart.
Welcome, my little tiny thief.

To the Page

And welcome indeed too. I'll drink to Master
Bardolph, and to all the cavaleros about London.

DAVY
I hove to see London once ere I die.

BARDOLPH
An I might see you there, Davy,--

SHALLOW
By the mass, you'll crack a quart together, ha!
Will you not, Master Bardolph?

BARDOLPH
Yea, sir, in a pottle-pot.

SHALLOW
By God's liggens, I thank thee: the knave will
stick by thee, I can assure thee that. A' will not
out; he is true bred.

BARDOLPH
And I'll stick by him, sir.

SHALLOW
Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing: be merry.

Knocking within

Look who's at door there, ho! who knocks?

Exit DAVY

FALSTAFF
Why, now you have done me right.

To SILENCE, seeing him take off a bumper

SILENCE
[Singing]
Do me right,
And dub me knight: Samingo.
Is't not so?

FALSTAFF
'Tis so.

SILENCE
Is't so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.

Re-enter DAVY

DAVY
An't please your worship, there's one Pistol come
from the court with news.

FALSTAFF
From the court! let him come in.

Enter PISTOL

How now, Pistol!

PISTOL
Sir John, God save you!

FALSTAFF
What wind blew you hither, Pistol?

PISTOL
Not the ill wind which blows no man to good. Sweet
knight, thou art now one of the greatest men in this realm.

SILENCE
By'r lady, I think a' be, but goodman Puff of Barson.

PISTOL
Puff!
Puff in thy teeth, most recreant coward base!
Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,
And helter-skelter have I rode to thee,
And tidings do I bring and lucky joys
And golden times and happy news of price.

FALSTAFF
I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this world.

PISTOL
A foutre for the world and worldlings base!
I speak of Africa and golden joys.

FALSTAFF
O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news?
Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.

SILENCE
And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John.

Singing

PISTOL
Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons?
And shall good news be baffled?
Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies' lap.

SILENCE
Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.

PISTOL
Why then, lament therefore.

SHALLOW
Give me pardon, sir: if, sir, you come with news
from the court, I take it there's but two ways,
either to utter them, or to conceal them. I am,
sir, under the king, in some authority.

PISTOL
Under which king, Besonian? speak, or die.

SHALLOW
Under King Harry.

PISTOL
Harry the Fourth? or Fifth?

SHALLOW
Harry the Fourth.

PISTOL
A foutre for thine office!
Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king;
Harry the Fifth's the man. I speak the truth:
When Pistol lies, do this; and fig me, like
The bragging Spaniard.

FALSTAFF
What, is the old king dead?

PISTOL
As nail in door: the things I speak are just.

FALSTAFF
Away, Bardolph! saddle my horse. Master Robert
Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land,
'tis thine. Pistol, I will double-charge thee with dignities.

BARDOLPH
O joyful day!
I would not take a knighthood for my fortune.

PISTOL
What! I do bring good news.

FALSTAFF
Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my
Lord Shallow,--be what thou wilt; I am fortune's
steward--get on thy boots: we'll ride all night.
O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph!

Exit BARDOLPH

Come, Pistol, utter more to me; and withal devise
something to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master
Shallow: I know the young king is sick for me. Let
us take any man's horses; the laws of England are at
my commandment. Blessed are they that have been my
friends; and woe to my lord chief-justice!

PISTOL
Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
'Where is the life that late I led?' say they:
Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days!

Exeunt

William Shakespeare