Friendship and Happiness

[difanchen]

There is one quote that puts me into wonder sometimes, it is said in the book,

"One's happiness can not depend on the other person"

I have never experienced love other than family love, which it is a very different kind of love compare with the love between two lovers. However, i am not going to get a girlfriend because i still have to develop my personal characters;moreover, i am afraid of the power of Love.

For those of you who are married. Is the statement true? Is it a practical statement or is it a philosophical statement.

And if possible, can you tell me, What IS LOVE?

[kirbson12]

In my experience I have found that statement to be true.
I have been married for almost 2 years, and have experienced some ups and downs. When we first got married I had in mind more Marianne's way of thinking: a love for the passion, the romance. I was more in love with my husband's love for me than with my husband. I depended on him/his love (what he did for me) for my happiness. Soon we came to realize that we had a lot of differences; as most couples do. I was miserable depending on him to make me happy. It wasn't until I stopped depending on him for my emotional well-being that I began to feel peace within me. Funny thing is, when I started depending on myself and my God for my happiness instead of my husband, my relationship with him improved 10-fold.

As to what is love?
I believe that love is effort. Love is a deep commitment to making it work. It comes from your heart and can include passion, but is much more than that. It is desiring and working for the well-being of another more than your own. Love never asks "what can I get out of this" but "what can I give." Love is respect, trust, friendship, acceptance, loyalty, and joy.

[kiki1982]

I agree with the above.

One cannot 'be' by the grace of others, so one can't be happy only by the grace of others.

It is a cliché, but very true: first love yourself, only then you love another.

1+1=2
happy+happy=2happy
happy+unhappy=happy

Large difference

Love is...
I don't know. Maybe it's best in the words of Rochester:
I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you. It is as if I have under my frame a thread that stretches to your little frame. And if that cord will snap, I will bleed inawardly. (or something like it)

To feel close, even when the other is gone. To feel comfort when he is around. To feel sad when you have argued. To feel happy when he feels happy.

That's a really philosophical question actually.

[MsKayCorleone]

I truly agree with the saying above...
In my personal experience, I think I have looked toward my significant other to provide happiness for me. But it does not work that way. You have to learn to love yourself, before you can love anyone else....It has taken me a while to realize that, but I finally have, and I am at peace with it.

It saddens me that you have not experienced love yet, but I understand your reason behind it, perfectly.... I know one day you will fall in love, and it will be a glorious feeling.
It is some what difficult to define love, for I do not believe you really can... It is more of something you feel, but can't describe in words...
Sometimes, what I do is... try to imagine the person I love not being in my life, and when I get this sense of panic and my heart starts to tick away, I know it is love, because I know I cannot live without them...

I love the posts above... You both make very good points.. !!

[mtpspur]

One aspect of love is that it continues without expecting a return on the investment, does not seek its own glory or fulfillment, and cares more for the advancement of others then their own without regret. It is the giving up of your 'rights' to enhance the other with or without them taking you with them. I speak from 28 years of marriage where I have often and regularly fall short but I maintain a steady course as best I can. Hope this helps.

[ohureo]

I think it is a philosophical statement in that it is a goal to strive for that our happiness is not dependent on our loved one but in human life, try though we may, we find ourselves in need of our loved one and I don''t think there is anything "wrong" or unnatural about that. A truly intimate relationship inevitably brings up primal needs that perhaps ideally we would meet all by ourselves but in actuality, it causes us to crave the comfort and validation of one special person, our mate.

I'm not sure it can be answered as there is value in the vulnerability of needing someone that allows for real growth, yet to rely only on that person without developing one's own strengths will not work. In this situation all you can see is your own need.

I think it is a stronger person and relationship when one loves oneself deeply and generously so that almost ironically, the other can be truly seen and loved.

Thank you for the opportunity to think about this.

[KryStaLitsa]

right...why don't you think of that too,then??

Love and being in love are completely different things to me.Most of the people need to give love without pleading for the return of it.Love does return to you though:the more you give,the more you get..!!Then,being in love is much more difficult to analyse... There's the passion and jealousy.When in love,you crave to be loved too!!Because this crush cannot survive if "fed" only by one man...It fades away...it needs the giving of two people...
...I think...
So I get to think that one's happiness depends to if one's love is accepted by another or not..!!

[Pitchina]

where did you find that passage with the quote?
in which chapter?

[soundofmusic]

It's rather a paradox: if the person you love is not happy, they can make your life a living hell. Particularly if you feel in the least responsible for their happiness.
Sometimes, when you are first with someone, they are happy just to be with you...this is enough; but time passes and just your presence is no longer enough to keep them happy.
It is important to look deep into your soul and find what truly makes you happy. When the time comes to get into a relationship, hopefully you will find someone who is made happy by similar things.

You might want to carry along a mental health scoring sheet and start the first date with: 1. Do you feel sad? 2. Do you ever feel like the people you love would be better without you.... No, I'm serious, If you run into an untreated depressive or bipolar person, you can kiss the next 20 years of happiness off