passing me by

[inbetween]

Passing me by

I love to watch the cars go by
I love to see them pass.
I’m standing here aside the road
Lights flashing over my face.

I can’t see what’s inside those cars
I can’t see who is driving.
All I see are two white lights
Approaching and arriving.

Arriving the point where I am standing.
Then they’re gone for a sec.
They change their colour from white to red.
Then vanish in the black.

And as I stand here millions of lights
Are passing me by in this river.
They’re all alike, they’re all the same
It’s only me who’s different.

I love to watch the lights go by.
I love to see them pass.
‘Cuz as they do life does the same,
I step aside and gaze.


please tell me how you like it

[hillwalker]

Perhaps better late than never?

You must have posted this at a bad time for no one at all to bother commenting.

I like the sense of isolation you inject into the poem - the rest ofthe world is passing you by and all you see are headlights then tail-lights. That last line tells it all.

Just a couple of slight suggestions :

verse 1 -

I’m standing here aside the road <'beside' makes more sense>
Lights flashing over my face. < in my face maintains the beat>

verse 2

Approaching and arriving. <then makes more sense here>

verse 3

the metre changes because the first line is suddenly longer - unless you want to really change this drastically you can leave it - but

Arriving the point where I am standing. <should 'be arriving at the point' to make complete sense>

But its a perfectly enjoyable piece, which with a little tinkering to adjust the rhythm here and there (and perhaps avoid relying quite so much on rhyme) could be excellent.

The idea is a good one. Well done

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I too wonder why this received no response until Hillwalker brought it forward.

I like the thought and the casual way you offer end-rhymes, sometimes fitting, sometimes only approximate. You may have wandered away after getting no response, but if you're still looking in, add some newer work.

[inbetween]

I'll do so when I should happen to produce something new...