I'm here to read this book with the Love of My Life

[Weems]

Hello.... I am so glad that this book was recommended. I can see why. I am looking forward to new discoveries and hopefully to discover what Persuades lovers in every respect....

[Weems]

Supposedly I am reading an unabridged version. In Chapter 2, Sir Walter Elliot is considering three places to move to from Kellynch Hall. Why does it say Bath is 50 miles rather than kilometers? I thought the English used the metric system!

Anne seems to be oblivious to the social stigma of the debt that is swallowing the estate. Somehow Lady Russell is very aware of this and other conditions of Anne: "Anne had been too little from home, too little seen. Her spirits were not high. A larger society would improve them. [Lady Russell] wanted her to be more known." That sounds a lot like me growing up.

[Weems]

As I read Persuasion by Jane Austen, I am reminded that marriage has been an important element of life even from the time of Adam, even though he had but one choice in the matter.

And I'm sure, given the lack of choice, he still felt the human emotion of Love which is still elusive to concrete definition.

Nevertheless, while choice, now, is in abundance I find that like the man Adam there is but one choice. I find that to be an interesting observation, especially given how hard it is to find true love.

It is here in these thoughts that I find myself this morning: I believe in and like being married. My current marriage lacks the emotional and spiritual depth that I have a need for. I cannot speak of things intellectual or write that which reflects the things of my soul and expect a response that resonates better than the hollow thud of a large drum with a head that has not been tightened. I can expect questions of my soul to go unanswered and requests of my mind to be tepidly ignored until the threat of expectation has disolved.

For 17 years have I lived a fantasy where I thought that if I tell others that "I have a great marriage" that the greatness will eventually be realized. Having returned after 14 months of struggling against insurgents in the Middle East, and seeing three years pass with no improvement, I realize, finally, that I either accept that it will never change and figure out how to exist in a place where my expectations will forever go unmet or I get out.

But I like being married. I feel like I made a bad judgment in choice. But here's the rub: She has been easy to live with, has shown improvement as a mom (remarkable improvement in the last 12 months with a son entering the "tween-age" years of 10-12), and is a generally agreeable person. Most people would love to have a spouse like that.

But as I have developed as a person, I have found that I want more emotional response and spiritual connectedness. I want to talk of things that don't seem to matter on the face of it but that explore themes, imagery, and symbols of life. I'm not looking for this intensity every day, but I want to have access to it.

And when a person finds that connectedness, that emotional and spiritual depth, outside the marriage in a person of the opposite sex, then that creates a new, vast pallet of emotions that must be dealt with: spally captures some of this in her posting of a friend's poem on May 20, 2005 called "my love...my life". (see http://www.online-literature.com/for...ead.php?t=4594)

So as I begin Persuasion, I can see from the postings that there are a variety of parallel's to finding your true love and, for a variety of reasons, not being able to realize the potential of that love. What a frustrating place to be....

[khalakh_the_3rd]

Why does it say Bath is 50 miles rather than kilometers? I thought the English used the metric system!

Only since the 1970's. And we still use miles more than kilometres.

[Weems]

Thank you for that explanation!

[LizzyBennet]

I have recently started this book myself! Just beginning Chapter 4 in fact! This is where it begins to get good!
I have noticed that some of the writing thus far seems rushed, like she was trying to lay down the groundwork quickly without really developing it. I wonder if she meant to go back through and re-write it before she died. We'll never know. One thing we do know is that she has a romantic heart just like I do, and I can certainly relate to her heroines.

[Weems]

Yes, the book picks up about 7 years after Jane was persuaded to not marry Wentworth. She seems to have suffered the entire time without really knowing it...like a low-grade infection that saps at the body's ability to function at optimal performance.

I'm interested in how Mrs. Clay got involved with the family. I need to go back and look. But clearly Austen has reverse-stacked the relationship much like Mark Twain did in Huckleberry Finn (I think) where the characters qualities were in reverse to their actual character. King, with that name, was the lowest on the ladder while (I think) the black man was the highest in terms of quality of human being.

So we have Elizabeth paired with Mrs. Clay, who is beneath her in social status (not to mention a snaggled tooth to make things worse!) where Anne is brought under Lady Russell's, who has elevated rank, watchful eye and social care.

Is this about opposites attracting and the natural pairing of weak and strong? Certainly, those in love are paired weak to strong but those, if it is healthy, each have strengths to offset weaknesses of the other. Mutual admiration.

[LizzyBennet]

I'm not sure about Huck Finn, but I should remember. I think I read that in HS and picked through it with a fine-tooth comb with an English teacher who extracted every detail from literature.
I think everyone has their own set of strengths and weaknesses, and relationships "work" when we not only use our own strengths to fortify the other's weaknesses, but we also understand and accept the other's weaknesses and admire their strengths. The trick, I think, is always remembering and appreciating what it was you fell in love with at the beginning. In my experience, I have noticed that there can be things you accept and admire to begin with, and then you eventually grow to resent those very same things. I think that happens when you start to fall out of love with someone. I prefer being in love and enjoying all the wonderful feelings that go along with it.

[Weems]

I found references to the duke and the king but ran out of time to compare it to any black man that might be a character. But the references to black men are thruout the text.

Just after the start of Chapter 6 I read something that caused me to reflect on how I was feeling last week and part of this was: "yet, with all this experience, she believed she must now submit to feel that another lesson in the art of knowing our own nothingness beyond our own circle, was become necessary for her".

I felt like I recognized my own nothingness moreso than ever. It was a tough way to feel and I felt it as it seemed like the soul was ripped from my body because of folly. Terrible feeling of tremendous loss not just of respect, admiration, love and a host of other things, but of interest and zest in me from another. Major feeling of abandonment. Something that not even an unacknowledged blooming azalia would cure.

So what causes two to fall out of love? Feelings of hate? Feelings that distance must be established even if one is to remain in a person's life? Like a dad? Like a high school friend? What is it that causes that old friend to be relegated to arms-length status?

OK, time to go for a bit. It's been a busy day with lots to do this evening. I'm just glad I have the time-saving device of my phone that allows me to immediately post thoughts on this book as they come to me and where I can read comments from others.

[LizzyBennet]

I apologize for the extra "T" in Bennett. I can't figure out how to fix it!

I think I can shed some light on your questions in the short time I have. Whereas Lizzy says to Darcy, "I am sorry, sir, for the pain I have caused. It was unconsciously done," she was unaware of his feelings and therefore had no idea that she was tormenting him.
Surely, he must have had repeated indications of what caused harm, and yet he continued to inflict pain and suffering of the highest proportions until the gentle, sweet, and sensitive soul of a said True Love was stamped and crushed with complete and utter disregard. If that is not reason to keep one at arm's length, then I don't know what is.

[Weems]

Regarding correcting the "T", try clicking on the "search" and type "edit profile"....

[Weems]

I went in and tried to change the spelling on the name and I, too, could not navigate to a place to change the user name. Looked everywhere and tried a variety of searches. Sorry I was of no use on that suggestion....

I found the initial reference to Mrs Clay in the searchable text but could not cut and paste it. It is the last 2 paragraphs of Chapter 2. Austen paints a terrible picture of the social damage Mrs Clay could wreak on Elizabeth and believes that removal from Kellynch Hall (leaving Mrs Clay behind) would bring more suitable people into Elizabeth's circle. This was very important to Lady Russell, even though she got no consideration from Elizabeth thruout their relationship.

It seems that Mrs. Clay went on to follow Elizabeth t Bath or to London, but I can't remember now. That's another thing I need to look into.

[Logos]

Originally Posted by LizzyBennett

I apologize for the extra "T" in Bennett. I can't figure out how to fix it!

No you can't do it yourself, if you want your member name changed send me a PM.

[LizzyBennet]

I am really getting into this book now. The anticipation of their first meeting was incredible. I couldn't put the book down. The style of writing is so much more captivating now than at the beginning of the novel. I can't believe there was just a glance at each other, and then it was over. They probably BOTH think the other indifferent. I love it!

Thank you for dropping my "T!"

[Weems]

What a great chapter with the brief meeting of the two! And it seemed as if the entire chapter was a flurry of activity and emotion. The hurt child, Mary's professed inadequacey as a mother, the build up of Wentworth's visit and Mary's comment: "You were so altered he should not have known you again."

That comment crushed me as I read it, knowing what it would do to the tender package of feelings held tight by Anne. Anne's reactions confirmed it and I, too, felt a pallet of emotions similar to Anne's. Never say things like that. Ever.

Further, while appearances have their place, what attracts me most is the soul and the intent thereof. I have been hurt before. And I am hurt now from love and all the consequences of being in it. But in that hurt I must consider intent. The love of my life has hurt me before. will hurt me again, and will never be guilty of intent. If I do not see it any other way then I am leaving myself wide open to losing or letting go what is so very precious to me. Even if it's maintained from a distance, or, like in Anne and Wentworth's case, the separation is in time, I will maintain. It is the soul of the girl that is most important to me. The beauty of that form won't ever change. And to hear it speak of discoveries and observations here does my heart good.

What's more, the fond feelings of friendship must be preserved. Must. Must...

All the feelings of being blissfully in love can be recaptured, perhaps not with one who a person has fallen out of love with, but with an understanding of intent. There is more to write on this subject, but I am sitting in my car in my garage and need to go shower and start my day.

Lizzy, never doubt that the thread of life described by Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities in the chapter called Echoing Footsteps is the thread that connects family.... Never doubt. Never.