A Poem I just wrote..

[oXCherryBabyXo]

Hey I just wrote this and I'm new to this so site so I'm sorry if I post this wrong or something I'm still trying to figure all this out...

Listening to life go by
Focusing on what could go wrong
Nothing seems to go right--
Life can be so strange
When will things turn back to how they were
What happened to the bond we once shared
Will you ever come back to me--
Talking to you made my life complete
Now that’s gone
I barely know you anymore
My smile is empty
My laugh is hollow
Everything is dark without you
Can we go back to how we were
Or will I have to listen to my life go by
Without you…

By: Monica Wormsbecher

[ktd222]

I think you have to try avoiding cliche when writing poetry.

Listening to life go by
Focusing on what could go wrong
Nothing seems to go right--

[ktd222]

You've got a lot going on in this poem. I bet you can squeeze out a pretty good one if you wrote a poem based on your experience and obsevation with these lines:

Listening to life go by
Focusing on what could go wrong
Nothing seems to go right--

[Xamonas Chegwe]

I agree - It has a lot of clichés but no specifics - try replacing some of the lines with examples of how things were - otherwise it comes across as random lyrics from bad pop songs.

[jon1jt]

I've experienced that moment you're trying to describe. I think you've got the surface covered, now plunge into the depths, there's so much more to discover. Keep writing!