A story by a 10 year old - Together Through Weakness

[Mystisnow]

So, when I searched through my old fifth-grade papers, I found a treasure! It was a story that I had entered for a contest! I ended up winning second place in it, but this piece was possibly the greatest story that 10 year old me had made, ever. I spent maybe half an hour last night typing it onto Word, but I've decided to share it to you all


My name #11 Ms. Bergamino Reflections Entry


Together Through Weakness
I was walking down an alley, going home from school. I liked this alley, because it was normally quiet. It was also a shortcut to home. The autumn wind blew past, creating tornadoes of leaves. It was tranquil and peaceful…and after walking for ten minutes, I finally came out the other end of the alley, into a street. I suddenly heard yelling. A familiar yell.
There was a crash. I ran down the street, surprised that no one else was here. My coat flew behind me as I dashed, streaking across the road from block to block. I arrived just in time to see a boy, clad in a neat, buttoned up shirt, stained with dirt. His glasses, which must’ve been an inch thick, were on the sidewalk, cracked. The boy was on the floor, on his bottom, staring in horror at the figure above him…Lucifer. He was the one who was yelling at the boy.
“Give me my money!” Lucifer demanded. He stomped on the ground, his feet landing an inch away from the boy’s face.
“I-I-It’s not your mon-“ Started the boy.
“Yes it is!” Snarled Lucifer, raising his foot to stomp again.
“Stop!” I shouted. I threw some quarters at Lucifer. He grinned. He then ran away, disappearing like a shadow.
“Are you alright?” I asked, helping the boy up.
“Yeah.” Replied the boy, picking up his glasses. “Thanks, man. I’m Melvin.”
We shook hands. “I’m Brian.” I said. “Nice to meet you, Melvin.” From that moment onward, we were great friends. Melvin aced every single test and helped me ace mine, and I shooed away the bullies that threatened to beat us up. We were like a duo. We stayed together through high school together, and even stayed together until college was almost over. One day, Melvin and I were hanging out in a coffee shop.
“You want anything?” I asked. “They’re taking out the pumpkin tarts again.”
“Nah, no thanks.” Replied Melvin. “But thank you for asking, no thanks. Wait-that came out wrong-“
I laughed. Melvin laughed too. I bought a decaf for myself. I sat down, watching Melvin take out a huge sandwich from his tiny backpack. I don’t even know how he fits everything in there.
“Brian?” Said Melvin.
“Yes?”
“Did you remember that day when we met?”
“Yeah. Man…”
“I realized…that it was like, 8 years ago.” Melvin said.
“Oh, it wasn’t really that important.” I blushed.
“But it was.” Said Melvin.
"Naw."
We sat in awkward silence, sipping our coffee and eating our sandwiches.


In the next few years, Melvin became really popular. He dropped his glasses for contacts, and began to wear more casual clothes. He got taller and stronger, even got a new haircut. He really changed. Melvin got new friends, too. I wasn’t really his only friend anymore, and we didn’t hang out so much anymore. Our friendship slowly washed away, and it was almost as if I were forgotten completely.
Eventually, it got to graduation day. We each had to write a speech before graduation, and I was as scared as a cat when it was about to be dumped into water. Eventually, Melvin was up for his graduation speech. When I heard it, I ended up getting a graduation picture of my jaw dropped to the ground and my eyes tearing up a flood. It wasn’t the speech itself, but it was one specific thing he said…
“Normally, many people would thank their teachers, their parents, and maybe a few neighbors, too…” Melvin said. “But me, I’d like to also thank my friends. They’ve helped me a lot, and have been beside me up until this very moment.”
“Anyhow, there are some people that are truly extraordinary, and I’m just about lucky enough to have one of those incredible people as one of my friends. Back when I was just 16 or so, I was bullied almost every day. I was kicked, beaten, and knocked down endlessly. In fact, I would’ve been dead because of that if it weren’t for my friend.”
“His name is Brian.” Melvin smiled at me from the stage. My jaw began to obey gravity. “That weekend that we met, I was planning to kill myself. I was so tired and exhausted from the insults. Day after day, I slowly began to think, am I really so terrible? My self esteem was at its lowest, and the bullying made it worse and worse. I was being bullied yet again that faithful Friday, but Brian rescued me. He saved me from that bully. He just ran in, and helped me up, even though we were complete strangers at that time. He didn't know me, nor did I know him. He’s the person I really want to thank…Thank you, Brian, for giving me confidence at my weakest moment, and thank you for being beside me, together through weakness.”


That, in my opinion, is epic for me to have written at the age of TEN. THIS IS A TEN YEAR OLD'S WRITING.
Wow.

[Steven Hunley]

[That, in my opinion, is epic for me to have written at the age of TEN. THIS IS A TEN YEAR OLD'S WRITING.
Wow. [/QUOTE]

Sure it is.

I've read plenty of ten year old stuff, and no matter the genius this isn't it. It's soooo not 10 year old. In structure. vocab, concept, you name it.

But you must have done this on purpose.

It's tongue in cheek, that's it, it's funny!

Gee, I hope I've got this right.

Oh, I know, you mean you wrote it ten years ago.

Oh gee, I just read it again, and it's funnier than ever, good job. Funny idea. You might think of writing the actual 10 year old parts like a ten year old, and the reflective or narrative parts like an adult would. In this way you could show a child when they first learn writing,, functions more articulately in their brains than in their writing, which still has to be mastered to give them the degree of articulation they need. Children are often misunderstood or partially misunderstood for this reason. They have trouble expressing exactly what's on their mind. And speech is natural and acquired. Writing is a skill to be learned and mastered.

[hillwalker]

It might well have been written by a ten-year-old - and tidied up when you typed it into Word. But the point is surely that you have moved on and your writing has improved. So I don't see the point of posting it on here.

As for SH's delight at the 'humour' - it must be an American thing because I'm not seeing anything especially funny here. Not even passing off your writing as that of a ten-year-old child.
Certain words like 'self-esteem' suggest this has been added to at a later date by a more mature hand. There was a change in style after you ate your sandwiches. But even so it's still a bit of a damp squib.

That, in my opinion, is epic for me to have written at the age of TEN. THIS IS A TEN YEAR OLD'S WRITING.

You're entitled to your opinion.

H

[cafolini]

At ten, you proyected this into adulthood. If true, that's a good example of indirect thinking. Good stuff. You knew that Melvin was your friend no matter where he went because you knew that truth without having to fabricate it. So there is no inconsistency in the time frames if such is the case. Have fun. God be with you.

After all, Mozart was composing at age 6. And Messi, the soccer player was playing the same way in the videos that were compiled from stuff at age 7 and 8. How could a child do that without the power of proyection in indirect thinking?

[Steven Hunley]

I'd like to explain that I thought it was funny because it was an obvious swindle. We Yanks have loved such stuff for a long time now, ever since Mark Twain wrote about it in Huckleberry Finn. Two imposters pose as a duke and the dauphine of France in a small town on the Mississippi. America is all about that, since everyone is reasonably new, they can always pose as something they're not- and get away with it as long as they can.

Remember a guy named Clifford Irving? He told a major publisher he had access to Howard Hughes and was writing his bio, taking advantage of Hughes' reclusiveness. He bilked them out of a million dollars in advances. (I'm probably exaggerating here) Then they found out and threw him in jail.

This piece was soooo obviously not grammar-school stuff.

[cafolini]

You don't grasp this Hunley. You are the imposter. By the way, the US Dollar at 5.25 Argentine pesos and you still do not grasp why or what for.

[Delta40]

So ten year old Brian who drinks decaf saved 16 year old Melvin who was suicidal? That's amazing. What is also amazing is that ten year old Brian can project himself into an adult future.

Do you have work that you have written as an adult and not as a ten year old? I would be interested to read your more recent work.

[WyattGwyon]

In his graduation speech Melvin should have thanked Lucifer, to whom he had pledged his soul plus fifty cents in exchange for a magical friend and protector who would make his life worth living . . . only to discover that he didn't actually have fifty cents. Lucifer, having already made good on his end of the bargain, got angry and began to beat Melvin just before Brian (the aforementioned magical friend and protector) entered the scene to chuck quarters at the prince of darkness, thus completing the transaction.

[Mystisnow]

Who said Brian was 10? He was probably 16 as well, seeing as he grew up with Melvin. By the way, I'm not really an adult. I'm thirteen, actually.
Welp, I do have some other writings, but they're really just research essays. Do you still want to see them?

BTW guys, believe what you want, but I really remember writing this for a contest. It was for a school thing that we did called "Reflections", as it says in the heading.

[Grit]

Did you actually reprint it from a physical copy or is it just a retelling from memory? I get the sense you rewrote it from memory, there's no way this was written by a ten year old as part of a elementary school contest.

It's not the writing style but the subject matter that reveals the true nature of this story. What ten year old is writing about Lucifer? About hanging out in coffee shops?

[cafolini]

You old farts cannot even do what some two-year-old can do. You have become insensitive to your closed minds about this. You are dry like dark jerky and think yourselves plump like pink watermelon.

[hillwalker]

You're thirteen now and writing research essays. Would I like to read them? Not particularly.

What I'd like is for you to let your hair down, take some risks and write a piece of fiction where you can put your imagination to better use. Take up a real challenge. You have the nuts and bolts required for writing coherently. Now you need to find something interesting to write about if you're going to share it with others.

H

[AuntShecky]

That, in my opinion, is epic for me to have written at the age of TEN. THIS IS A TEN YEAR OLD'S WRITING.
Wow.

If you do say so yourself!

Whether you wrote this a decade ago or yesterday, it is a shining example of what me sainted ma used to describe as "throwing bouquets."

Obviously, you don't require any other assessments from us because you've already given yourself a seal of approval. Did you know that American students, while lagging behind the rest of the world in math and reading, consistently capture the top spot in self-esteem?

PS-- can we please retire the word "epic" as an adjective?

[Calidore]

PS-- can we please retire the word "epic" as an adjective?

Epic suggestion, Aunty.

[Delta40]

Does that make Aunty an epicurist?