ARE YOU WEARING WINKLE PICKERS?
Are you wearing winkle pickers?
And you don’t mind the snickers?
And when they ask it doesn’t offend?
“Do your toes go right to the end?”
THE GIMME
If the “Gimme Putt”
Is the best you can do
Then I would have to say
That Golfs not for you
MY HUSBAND’S BEHAVIOUR
My husband’s behaviour
Is truly appalling
However it’s my fault really
Which is quite galling
If I hadn’t fed him cat food
Just for the laughs
He wouldn’t sit on the carpet
Licking his own arse
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME
Since the beginning of time, the one thing
A woman really wants from her man
Is his commitment, it’s not a lot to expect
So have him committed as soon as you can
ARE YOU WEARING AN UNDERSLIP?
Are you wearing an underslip?
Are you really by thunder
Would you like to slip out of it
Or should I just slip under
DANCING TO HIP HOP
I like breakin’ and poppin’
And dancing to Hip hop
At Sixty I should be stoppin’
As I’m down for a Hip op
GENETIC MARKERS
Scientists say they have discovered
Genetic markers that indicate athleticism
I think if they take a close look at mine
I will have markers for Couch potatoism
PORTMANTEAU
I was looking for a word
That summed up slogan or motto
But something more pithy
In the end I settled on Slotto
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