Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 19

Thread: Drink To Me

  1. #1
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671

    Drink To Me

    I could bang the door shut, run out, away
    from your screech, dry and black.
    I could try to deafen it with satin recollections –

    an orange wind inflating the arches of Nahalat Shiva,
    the dark blue gnawing at the light on the night’s rim,
    muezzins calling for the last prayer,
    beer like maple sap in our mouths -


    a coward's game.

    But hey! it’s late, give me to drink,
    god of the downtown bustle,
    from the puddle of the moon’s face
    as it hollows out in evening steam.
    I want my trance and to push away
    that foreign grip seizing me by the throat
    and to drink, drink against the rule of pain,
    against the scorch hounding the alley’s oak...

    "Trees die standing" and you writhe in agony
    at the ruthless gate, fritter away minutes,
    abandoned,

    by gods, by me - all to the sole victor.

    And you cannot rise and rewind the film,
    fend off sickness on the hunt,
    meet me in buzzy Barood off Jaffa Road
    and drink to me… with the feeling within that
    all, forever, is well, as it must be.

    I could return home, drunk and ashamed,
    find you sleeping, silent.
    I'd kneel and strike your transparent forehead –
    a prophetic scroll on the suffering yet to recommence -
    I'd beg your forgiveness,
    read on your lips an impatient “stop it,”
    and I'd forbid you to wake.




    (Jerusalem, July 2012)
    Last edited by Bar22do; 07-12-2012 at 04:58 PM.

  2. #2
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Fremantle Western Australia
    Posts
    9,903
    Blog Entries
    62
    Oh Bar! I'd just posted a different poem involving drink and this appears before me! You wondered about how I write sweet Bar but I too wonder how the words come to you. Surely the last two stanzas were naturally born together and with such powerf that I can still feel the taste in my mouth....
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  3. #3
    Registered User kittypaws's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    where ever I happen to be at the moment
    Posts
    587
    Blog Entries
    25
    Bar....this beautiful poem filled me with awe!!

    Are You OK?

    kittypaws
    Everyone finds himself in the world where he belongs. The essential thing is to have a fixed point from which to check its reality now and then.
    Ancient Egyptian Inner Temples

  4. #4
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206
    Revised or not:
    - about "dark, heavy and dense ..." - are you sure you weren't influenced by me(laughs...)? What a magnificent text !
    Last edited by Jeos; 07-08-2012 at 12:07 PM. Reason: add signature

  5. #5
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,548
    This was a good one. We are all awaiting the revision! Coucou Bar!





    J

  6. #6
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    Quote Originally Posted by Jack of Hearts View Post
    This was a good one. We are all awaiting the revision! Coucou Bar!





    J
    Were you faster than me? hmm... it means I need training!

    Thank you Delta, Kitty (I'm fine, I'm of "the yet un-harvested"!!!), Jeos, last night I couldn't sleep so jotted and posted that poem (the context of which precedes my last's) unaware it was wearing its dressing gown... it therefore took umbrage and has hidden itself until it's given a proper getup.

    Hey to you all and coucou back, Heart.

  7. #7
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206
    Well Bar it was indeed one of the most beautiful/impressive gown I've seen so far ;-)

  8. #8
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    OK, I surrender - returned in #1. After all, you can always tell me the truth.

  9. #9
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Florida near Tampa Bay
    Posts
    3,015
    One of the elements I always like about your poems is the way you can locate the reader in the scenes you create, with carefully chosen names and objects. I often have to find a reference to understand, but it is well worth it.

    Reading this each time, I also felt I had left into the crowded night streets and returned, just by the sound of your words.

    Love the last line.

  10. #10
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    Quote Originally Posted by firefangled View Post
    Reading this each time, I also felt I had left into the crowded night streets and returned, just by the sound of your words.

    Love the last line.
    Thank you so much, Fire. My poem is now somewhat revised and hopefully reads better.

  11. #11
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206

    Drink to me "ii"

    Hi Bar22,

    People and stories I like it intense. And stories that swim against the current are my favourite. Or against a certain type of current, the current of the trivial and of the tasteless ...and that's why your text touches me deeply.
    I said “text” because to me your creation cannot be inserted into a defined literary genre…is more like a throbbing piece of life.
    I'm not sure why but as I read it Milady comes into my mind (The Three Musketeers, Alexandre Dumas).And...
    last but not the least ...It's something I know by heart

  12. #12
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    1,392
    Blog Entries
    14
    I can't say that I understand the entire poem. I'm a bit naive as to the places you mentioned as I am not an avid traveller (even though I would love to be/go somewhere else someday!) but your poem inspired me to start writing poetry again for a little while. I think it is brilliant and I hope you keep up the good work. Sorry I couldn't provide much constructive criticism because you are obviously a more seasoned poet than I am but I do like it Good day to you sir/mam
    My hide hides the heart inside

  13. #13
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,548
    J'aime bp Bar.





    J

  14. #14
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    University or my little estate
    Posts
    2,386
    This is wild, is the best of ways, though I think the second stanza might be too loaded with imagery, but that is just me, The penultimate stanza I absolutely love. An original and very good poem. It is rare to see something original which is also good nowadays.

  15. #15
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    Jeos, do you know The Three Musketeers by heart in Portugese???!!! I bow low to you memory. Thanks for your appreciation of my poem, too.
    Adolescent, I feel privileged to know this poem has inspired you to write! Keep at it! Thanks for liking my poem.
    Jack, je suis ravie, merci!
    Alex, thank you kindly. But "wild"? what's "wild"'s "best of ways"? I was hoping I managed somehow to express the powerless in front of a person's suffering... Glad you liked this effort.

    Thanks to you all.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Favorite poem?
    By mike401 in forum Poems, Poets, and Poetry
    Replies: 716
    Last Post: 03-27-2018, 09:34 AM
  2. Fiction about the holocaust
    By McGrain in forum General Literature
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 01-25-2012, 04:11 PM
  3. German Poetry
    By stlukesguild in forum Poems, Poets, and Poetry
    Replies: 67
    Last Post: 02-07-2011, 04:40 PM
  4. Declining Drink
    By Hawkman in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 09-20-2010, 05:06 AM
  5. Demon Drink
    By akfarrar in forum Macbeth
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-12-2006, 03:14 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •