Trapped in one's own body
that for years danced.
Now buried in a living tomb
A shell of worthless flesh.
The panic that rises;
Screaming, Screaming inside.
Falling on deaf ears,
In a chamber of emptiness.
The agony climbs
When one's breaths
Can not express life.
Waiting, praying for death.
Kittypaws
Last edited by kittypaws; 02-07-2012 at 06:56 PM. Reason: improve on poem
Everyone finds himself in the world where he belongs. The essential thing is to have a fixed point from which to check its reality now and then.
Ancient Egyptian Inner Temples
Not bad kitty, a very respectable effort. You need an apostrophe in one's though, and I'm not sure about the capitalisation of the second screaming, but it's a mature and very readable poem. Liked it.
Live and be well - H
Thanks H.
I had a problem with a couple of the lines so I have revised it. Hope it is an improvement!
kitty
Everyone finds himself in the world where he belongs. The essential thing is to have a fixed point from which to check its reality now and then.
Ancient Egyptian Inner Temples
You're scaring me Kitty! It's like being buried alive...(spine shiver) very effective piece.
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
I can't remember exactly how it was, but I suspect it might have been better to have left it alone. "When one's breath" would read more cleanly, but the repetition of 'one's' gives the the tone a slightly self-conscious, almost mocking slant which at varience with the message.
"The agony climbs
when breath
cannot express life,
waiting, praying for death."
Is much stronger.
Best - H
One's worst fate possible... how scary and - very effective, Kitty.
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