funny things your teachers said

[SleepyWitch]

grrr, i tried to create this thread a minute ago but my computer overheated and switched itself off...

when i was in primary school our R.E. teacher made us sing this hymn one day. it had lots of quaint old words in it. there was a line that went like this "God envelops my soul in *QUAINT WORD*". so we asked her what it means and she said "porridge" (oatmeal). Whaaaat? God envelops my soul in porridge and this is supposed to be a consoling message? I don't think so, thanks a lot.

do you have any anecdotes about your teachers? e.g. when they taught you something that turned out to be completely wrong or any funny quirks they have?

[Petrarch's Love]

The teacher moment that first sprang to mind was when I was about seven years old and my first grade teacher killed the word "nice." She sat us down in a circle and told us that the word "nice" was no longer going to be used in our compositions. She then proceeded to tell us how to envision, step by step, that she had stabbed the word "nice," watched it take its last breath and expire, dug a hole and buried the word eight feet down, and placed a grave marker that read "here lies nice." Evidently using this word in our written work ever again would be nearly as unnatural as raising the dead. I suppose she was just trying to cure us of using the word too much and encourage the use of other adjectives, but the incident made such a deep impression upon my childish mind that to this day I go to great lengths to avoid using the word "nice" in my papers and I still am occasionally haunted by the image of a tombstone when using the word.

[Bakiryu]

My geometry teacher is crazy. He makes weird noises and sings while erasing the board. Car noises, whistling, farting, popping sounds, you name it. He's hilarious!

[the silent x]

my teacher was talking about the climax for the plot, he said, "after the climax of a movie, comes great pleasure." then he closed his eyes and whispered, "oh Sh--, that came out wrong."

[SleepyWitch]

My geometry teacher is crazy. He makes weird noises and sings while erasing the board. Car noises, whistling, farting, popping sounds, you name it. He's hilarious!

heheehe, does he realize he does it or is he so scatterbrain he's not aware of it?

my teacher was talking about the climax for the plot, he said, "after the climax of a movie, comes great pleasure." then he closed his eyes and whispered, "oh Sh--, that came out wrong."

you had me laughing out loud

The teacher moment that first sprang to mind was when I was about seven years old and my first grade teacher killed the word "nice." She sat us down in a circle and told us that the word "nice" was no longer going to be used in our compositions. She then proceeded to tell us how to envision, step by step, that she had stabbed the word "nice," watched it take its last breath and expire, dug a hole and buried the word eight feet down, and placed a grave marker that read "here lies nice." Evidently using this word in our written work ever again would be nearly as unnatural as raising the dead. I suppose she was just trying to cure us of using the word too much and encourage the use of other adjectives, but the incident made such a deep impression upon my childish mind that to this day I go to great lengths to avoid using the word "nice" in my papers and I still am occasionally haunted by the image of a tombstone when using the word.

I had a teacher like that in primary school. She tried to cure me of using the word "sweet" (which I never used in writing anyway). we had this stupid session where every kid had to tell the others what they did over the weekend. so I said, I was in the garden and I saw a bumblebee and it was really sweet. so the teacher was like "Did you taste it?". She said that whenever I talked about "sweet" animals. It's rubbish really, because in German it's perfectly O.K. to call cute things "sweet", it's got nothing to do with tasting sweet (except it's the same word, just like in English) and I never used it in written essays, so w.t.f???

here's another one, about my geography teacher having trouble pronouncing "cotton" (this was in high school, about a year before my A-levels).
we were learning about the Southern U.S. and my teacher tried to explain to us that they used to grow a lot of cotton down there. In German cotton is called Baumwolle, literally: tree wool. so he has his first go at it:
"they used to grow a lot of Baumwälder (tree woods).." ... second go: "they used to grow a lot of Baumwälle (tree walls), eh, Baumwollwälder (tree wool woods), err Baumfelle (tree furs)!"
he gave it up after that. I still call cotton "tree furs" today when I want to buy clothes I check the labels and ask my friend or whoever's shopping with me: "is it made from tree furs??" or when there's a pic of cotton fields in a travel guide I'll say "Aw, look at all these lovely tree furs!"

[Bakiryu]

heheehe, does he realize he does it or is he so scatterbrain he's not aware of it?

I think he does in on purpose, either than or he has Tourette's!

Well today this really funny thing happened. or maybe it's just a stupid thing that's funny to me.

My history teacher in an effort to discourage note passing in class read notes out loud, so he sees me madly scribbling in a piece of paper.

He jumps, takes it away from me and begins to read OUTLOUD "the meaning of life~" The stops and just stares at the paper like "What the heck?"


I just burst out laughing

[Anza]

The teacher didn't say this, but in drama class, we had a couple of students who had little brothers and sisters. One, in particular, (her name was Chelsea) had a brother in first grade whom she always picked up from the elementary building. (Our campus is HUGE, we're on 100 acres, for Kindergarten through 12th grade) Anyway, she waltzed in late one day and suddenly, one kid asks, "where's your brother, Eli?" She totally spazzes and and says, "OH, SH--! I FORGOT MY BROTHER!!" IT sounded like forgetting your binder, or leaving your purse in your last class, though.

[Koa]

The teacher moment that first sprang to mind was when I was about seven years old and my first grade teacher killed the word "nice." She sat us down in a circle and told us that the word "nice" was no longer going to be used in our compositions. She then proceeded to tell us how to envision, step by step, that she had stabbed the word "nice," watched it take its last breath and expire, dug a hole and buried the word eight feet down, and placed a grave marker that read "here lies nice." Evidently using this word in our written work ever again would be nearly as unnatural as raising the dead. I suppose she was just trying to cure us of using the word too much and encourage the use of other adjectives, but the incident made such a deep impression upon my childish mind that to this day I go to great lengths to avoid using the word "nice" in my papers and I still am occasionally haunted by the image of a tombstone when using the word.

LOL my teacher wasn't as graphic but I have the same bias against words like good and nice, because I was taught that they're too wide and at the same time too vague to be used in serious writing

[Dori]

LOL my teacher wasn't as graphic but I have the same bias against words like good and nice, because I was taught that they're too wide and at the same time too vague to be used in serious writing

I had a teacher that did soething of that sort, except with the words "um" and "like" (that is, the word "like" used as a verbal pause). Almost every girl had a problem with this. A few of them would use either of them two or three times in a single sentence!

[Mortis Anarchy]

my teacher was talking about the climax for the plot, he said, "after the climax of a movie, comes great pleasure." then he closed his eyes and whispered, "oh Sh--, that came out wrong."

OMG!!!! God thats hilarious!

My Pre-calc/trig teacher always sang during lectures or hummed when we were working. One time this kid was sharpening his pencil in the middle of lecture, so out of nowhere she began to sing "grind, grind, grind that pencil lead!" In the tune of "Row, row row your boat..." Wow it was funny. She came up with soooooo many crazy songs.

My physics teacher told us a valuable lesson...don't shoot the people you like with a paintball...because its going to hit them in the eye and you will be in jail for a very long time.

In my ROTC class, our teacher asked us where one of our students was. The commander(senior) told him he was off at war fighting the sea of freshman. Our teacher said, "Ok, just don't let the dogs get him" and then he walked out and let us watch the Colbert Report. Best day ever. OH! I was vaccuming the trophy room in the ROTC building when I see this HUGE spider behind one of the trophies. Well, I didn't know how to work the hose component of the vaccum so I asked Sarge. He came over and showed me and then I told him that there was a spider and I didn't want to step on it. So he says "OH BOY! I love watching spider sucking up!" So I sucked up the spider and he says "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE GOT HIM!" It was so funny...oh and he was on all fours looking at the spider. Best class ever!

[Lily Adams]

My geometry teacher is crazy. He makes weird noises and sings while erasing the board. Car noises, whistling, farting, popping sounds, you name it. He's hilarious!

I love those kinds of teachers. The wacky ones.

It's IMPOSSIBLE to repeat one funny thing my Biology teacher said because he says something side-splitting every few seconds. He has a crush on every girl he sees and he's just so FREAKING FUNNY.

And the class is so uncensored. I love it. I wish he was my daddy.

And he's SPUD!

I bet he's my real father since he looks like me more than my "dad".

[applepie]

My favorite teacher had a thing for jumping on the taby when people were sleeping during class. He was an ex-marine, and he was always telling us some crazy and gory story to go with our history lesson. I remember one time we were talking about the kings of England, and some of the history. He gets off on this tangent about some of the tortures they used back in the day, and starts talking about shoving red hot pokers up someone's bum and all. It was really fun to go to class, especially when he explained what really happened to people when impaled by Vlad the impaler I miss his class, but I don't think I remember a bit of real history. My head is full of the crazy stories he told.

[Themis]

My English teacher produced quite a few nice quotes, among which is my all-time-favourite: "I am going to ask you questions - the right questions are more important than the wrong answers ! I don´t want ANY answers!" which she uttered just before our 'school leaving examination'.


A rather confusing incident happened a few years ago when one of my tutors in roman law suddenly set eyes upon me and asked the horrific question "What was the last thing you bought?"
I had no idea what I had last bought but he obviously wanted an answer, so I said "Milk".
He (kindly): "Milk? I don't believe that."
"Err. But it was milk."
“I really don't believe that.“ He was now talking in a fatherly kind of tone, still smiling and obviously waiting for me to catch on. Which I didn't. So, after a few seconds of silence he asked again: "Well, what was it?"
"Milk!"
"But that's not, what was written on it [the carton of milk], is it?"
“Yes!"
“No, I don't believe that."
“But that's what's written on it!" I was starting to get mildly offended, mostly, I admit, by my own lack of understanding and his lack of ability to speak clearly.
"Where do you shop?"
"At "Spar"." (A supermarket chain)
(After a pause) "Still. I assure you 'milk' is not what's written there [on a carton of milk]."
“Well, excuse me, but that is what's written there. At the top."

Another pause followed. A long pause. After which I finally realized he wanted me to specify what kind of milk (low fat, fat free, etc) I had bought and so very cleverly point out what a 'genus' (category) is. But, oh, I wish he had taken another student!
Nowadays I avoid having a front-row seat as much as I can.

[DeathAngel]

Algebra teach: "I'm fat, ugly, and mean...that's why my wife left me, so do you really think i care what you say?"

history teach: "Abe Lincoln once said, 'If was 2 faced, then why would i be wearing this one?' I wouldn't wear his either."

[AdoreroDio]

Favorite teacher quote of today- My dance teacher said " I don't want to say walk like a slut..... (two girls whisper to the side and teacher hears) that's exactly right! Walk like a model on crack!"