3 of them

[Avalive]

Three of them


Untitled

If heart holds my life and the life unhooked from life
What's left in the pot of quenchless fire is fire
To burn and bring down everything to nothing
My last letter to the unloved world penned in those words unread
If words are only words, which belong to quill and papyrus
I have the skin of silk and a mouth of ink for you to take
Empty all I have like sweep the dust on the old shelf
Love me by a book with blank pages that wait for my touch
If breath hold my heart and the heart shrinked into a seed
What's grow in the earth of lifeless life is life
To slaughter and forget nothing but everything



For Mary

How far have I gone
From you and the days agone
I'm still singing the old song
The road ain't too long
The stars guide me home along
Untill I turn back to find
I am nowhere else but here
Right in your arms
And never will be gone
For your waist tenderly
Held by my girdle


oh! Power

Spit on my mouth
Throw me the bread
Rape my headstrong guts
Tame me as your dog
Make me your son
Bend me down
Under your thigh
Sit and piss loud
To thank you
I dig the ditch
For your urine
As a golden river
So bath well and ingulf
Only till the day I stand up
To return all the favors
And leads you to Hades'hall

[Dyrwen]

I like oh! Power since it conveys a clear message. I think you may have typoed "bath" which ought to be bathe, who knows though. It's got a strong dominant power thing going, so good work on that much. The rest I couldn't get too into, but I'm barely awake, so pardon the looking over.

[mono]

Beautiful work, Avalive. The first two confidently show a strong influence from Emily Dickinson - never a bad thing. You have a very aesthetic word-usage that I find especially intriguing, along with prominent similes, metaphors, and oxymorons.
Well done!

[Avalive]

I need to thank you both first.

Then,Mono

I hardly ever read about Emily's poems. Some people said that my poems are somewhat like Byron and Shelley's. I have no idea, cuz I don't read them either.
I am very embarrassed cuz I don't read much. I hate my laziness but I am powerless over it. But I will go to read some of their words later I guess. It would be enjoyable.

[amuse]

WOW i started with "oh! Power" what impact! it just stamps it's foot down and destroys. talk about comeuppance. i can almost see the "golden river" being a water channel to Hell. Nice!

moving up... "For Mary" has an old feel with "The stars guide me home" and it's so joyous, and simple, but bare feet and green grass carpets and one's beloved waiting, loving you. extremely pretty piece. like how you start with rhymes but veer off, like the journey itself, "turn[ing] back."
this one really makes me smile. i'm still smiling.

re: "Untitled"
i like

To slaughter and forget nothing but everything

i like these lines; i like them individually for their portions, they all have distinct personalities

My last letter to the unloved world penned in those words unread
If words are only words, which belong to quill and papyrus
I have the skin of silk and a mouth of ink for you to take
Empty all I have like sweep the dust on the old shelf
Love me by a book with blank pages that wait for my touch