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Last edited by Dinkleberry2010; 02-06-2010 at 12:04 PM.
Thank you.
What a beautiful story! And, content aside, you have a wonderful ability within craft. This story is so heartfelt and well written.. I have no words. Subtle and strong...this is a very special story. Please Join writing.com. I go by the same handle there, and i just signed up...it gives good exposure. This story should be published.
When I read a story like this, it makes me feel like I dont read enough. Surely, I would have come across something like this elsewhere. 'The problem must be that, I don't read enough'.
I read alot.
This story is special and the reason I haven't come across it elsewhere is; it onle exits here.
Congrats and thank you for the best read I've had in a month.
thank you--glad you enjoyed the story
bumped
you know, it's hard to see how a story this good could be changed. And if it was, would it really be improved? There's the rub. If it was me though, I'd mess with it a bit. But only a bit. You might start out with something like"To the rest of the country integration started on"... 'such and such a date or event' you'd know this date better than me, then continue with, " but for me it started on July 26, 1962..." This personalizes it just a taste more and provides emphasis. Sorry I overlooked this when it first came out. James Patrick didn't and if I had seen it at the time I would have echoed his sentiments exactly.
The "problem" with making a statement such as "To the rest of the country, integration began on..." is that it didn't happen all at once over all the country. It happened at different times in different places. But I see your point. I could lengthen this story quite a bit; in fact when I first wrote it, the story was quite a bit longer than it is now.
Now I am impressed.I think of all your stories I prefer this one the most. Maybe one of my favorites here. Clean and clear. Good job, hard to get a first person narrative to go so smooth.
I thought of that when I suggested it. I think you could get away with naming the events that seem to be pre-eminent in the minds of the majority of readers. Pick out one or two visual events or headlines, then say, 'for many it was when...., for others it was when...but for me it was when..." You're good at it, this is what you do. To tell the truth I was hesitant at making a suggestion. If something's not broke don't fix it is my motto. But with kids of this generation, a single date or event may help fix it in their minds, and help them relate. Your stuff is good. just make it more timeless, that's all.(what a tall order!) It gives younger readers a starting point, a focus, a comparison between how they think of it in an impersonal sort of way,(from headlines or T.V.news images) and how you experienced it in a personal way. No? this image would make your personal story seem even more personal, and valuable to them, which it should be. I think this wouldn't make it longer by much. (2 or 3 sentences?)
I understand completely what you're saying, and you're probably right. I could move the story up a year in time to 1963, and make a reference to it being the same year that Kennedy was assassinated, or even move it up two years and make a reference to it occurring in the same year that Martin Luther King, Jr. received the Nobel Peace Prize--which would fit in quite nicely with the title and the subject. So that's something for me to think about, and I may end changing the time of the story.
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