Help :(

[rafa07]

Hey guys!
i need help with this paragraph.
can you guys tell me if it flows not a big fan of english so all comments bad or good are welcome. Thanks

We Americans fear the process of aging and dying. Young adults and middle-age people often avoid spending time around the aging because they want to avoid the issues of mortality and fear of becoming old (Kuhn, 33). In Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Benjamin suffered what most elderly people suffer from which are loneliness and disrespect. Throughout Benjamin’s early years’, old features, he was disrespected by not only his father, but by his own community being called names such as Methuselah. In addition to our own negative views of the aging, the media has played a prime role in ageism. Television programs have promoted ageism by using negative stereotypes of elders and having a total absence of older folks causing the elderly group to have no one to identify with (Kuhn, 33). Benjamin could not be associated with at school considering the fact that young children his age would see him as a weird outsider, therefore Benjamin spent hours with someone who looked like him which was his grandfather. In today’s society elders must turn to elders to find pride and hope in themselves due to the fact the rest of us think being old is a disease. Maggie Kuhn claims that the U.S. believes old age is a failure and a disease; a disease no admits of having. However, we will all get old (Kuhn, 32).

Thanks n

[rafa07]

anyone

[ScottyOhara]

A Better way for your essay to be written:




We, as Americans, fear the reality of age and death. Often, young adults and middle-aged people avoid spending time around the elderly due to the fact that they are afraid of facing reality (Kuhn 33).
In addition to our own negative views of the elderly, the media has their own view as well. For example, in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Button suffered loneliness and disrespect, something that most elderly suffer from. Throughout Button’s early years, not only his father, but by his own community disrespected him. For example, they would often call him names such as Methuselah. Throughout his schooling, Button was not well liked by his fellow students. He was often viewed as a “weird outsider” by children of his own age. There was only one person that would spend time with him, his grandfather. Ageism is also promoted through television programs by using negative stereotypes of elderly people. These television shows also lack the presence of the elderly, thus causing them to have no one to level with them (Kuhn 33). In today’s society the elderly must turn to their fellow elderly to find pride and hope in themselves, largely due to the fact that “younger” people think that being old is a disease. Maggie Kuhn claims that the United States is of the belief that old age is analogous of failure and disease; a disease that no one admits to having. In reality we will all get ole. (32).

Here is my revision of your essay, It was well written for the most part. However, you need to throw in some more evidence to support your claim. Your interpretation of Benjamin Button was bit all over the place and needed to be put together.

I'm an English Lit major and a fairly decent writer, so in the future if you need help don't hesitate to pm me.

[glover7]

A Better way for your essay to be written:




We, as Americans, fear the reality of age and death. Often, young adults and middle-aged people avoid spending time around the elderly due to the fact that they are afraid of facing reality (Kuhn 33).
In addition to our own negative views of the elderly, the media has their own view as well. For example, in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Button suffered loneliness and disrespect, something that most elderly suffer from. Throughout Button’s early years, not only his father, but by his own community disrespected him. For example, they would often call him names such as Methuselah. Throughout his schooling, Button was not well liked by his fellow students. He was often viewed as a “weird outsider” by children of his own age. There was only one person that would spend time with him, his grandfather. Ageism is also promoted through television programs by using negative stereotypes of elderly people. These television shows also lack the presence of the elderly, thus causing them to have no one to level with them (Kuhn 33). In today’s society the elderly must turn to their fellow elderly to find pride and hope in themselves, largely due to the fact that “younger” people think that being old is a disease. Maggie Kuhn claims that the United States is of the belief that old age is analogous of failure and disease; a disease that no one admits to having. In reality we will all get ole. (32).

Here is my revision of your essay, It was well written for the most part. However, you need to throw in some more evidence to support your claim. Your interpretation of Benjamin Button was bit all over the place and needed to be put together.

I'm an English Lit major and a fairly decent writer, so in the future if you need help don't hesitate to pm me.

You've taken this essay and put in more grammatical errors than it had. Anything in bold is grammatically incorrect, including the use of a semicolon in the second to last sentence.

Because you, OP, have asked if the essay flows, I have to say that it doesn't in its current state. You oscillate back and forth from media to Button with every other sentence. Try to structure the essay so that most of the information on Button is given first and the Kuhn information follows as supplemental.

I hope I've helped! Good luck on your essay.