BICHROMY
Don't you remember
how black was that tunnel
how endless it seemed
till a new colour burst out
it was oh so purple
and bright, then darker
it kept changing
but was the same
in all its nuances
and it felt safe.
It looked good on black
though it didn't shine
but made a good contrast
with the others' sickening pink.
And life became a bichromy
two faces to every smile
the one that looks alive
and the memory of death inside.
may 2005
Last edited by Koa; 09-16-2005 at 03:08 PM. Reason: correcting grammar mistake - thanks blp!!!
dead on the inside, i've got nothing to prove
keep me alive and give me something to lose
"It looked good on black
though it didn't shine'
I like this part, because people always say something will shine if you pair it with black. Like your face will look whiter/birghter/shinier (sp) if your hair is really black. But this thing look good on black, though it didn't shine
Oops, I must have missed reading this one, as last time I browsed the forums, I felt a little hurried.
Somehow, this poem reminds me of abstract thoughts on a yin-yang symbol, as if standing in one part, and gazing over to its opposite color. You obviously express some deep thought, that, as usual, requires a few reads (not a bad thing!), of the most ideal example of various dichotomies (somehow, they seem nearly universal), yet use beautiful and simple language.
Amazing how such can stem from the most stunning simplicity.
Mono, what are you talking about?
I hardly understand your post.
Nah...
just kidding...
just kidding...
Originally Posted by subterranean
Mono, what are you talking about?
I hardly understand your post.
Nah...
just kidding...
just kidding...
I know, I know, some of my posts can get awfully confusing, and I have received a few complaints, due to my nearly obsessive-compulsive trait of always typing in English Prime ("E-prime").
Though this seems an odd place to type it, if anyone needs any clarification of my posts, please never hesitate to ask and/or demand. Once I get sucked into my ridiculous, non-linear thought, I often lose myself, too, especially with poetry.
What's English Prime??? Me really curious...
Thanks for the feedback as usual, I think that lately my things are pretty confusing since I often feel that what I write is not quite what I want to say... Like it's not direct and the real point remains hidden... which is why I don't like my new poems much, they just turn around the point while missing it... I think that's why mono requires a few reads
dead on the inside, i've got nothing to prove
keep me alive and give me something to lose
"It looked good on black
though it didn't shine'
I like this part, because people always say something will shine if you pair it with black. Like your face will look whiter/birghter/shinier (sp) if your hair is really black. But this thing look good on black, though it didn't shine
They just tell me that I look pale actually
I dont know I just wanted to make it clear that my purple is not bright, it's dark and not shiny... like it's an improvement from the total darkness of black, but it's still not light, not total positiveness... I dont like totally positive poems.
dead on the inside, i've got nothing to prove
keep me alive and give me something to lose
Though I dislike the term, "English Prime," or "E-prime" (it sounds so elegant and superficial), English prime consists of speech or writing with no linking verbs (or "to be" verbs, like is, was, am, are, were, been).
[soapbox]
I use linking verbs rarely in writing, because, to me, it just seems odd in saying that "the sky is blue" when it actually "appears blue." Saying that a sky or the color blue "is," or exists, states nothing new; we all know that both the sky and the color blue, or the perception, "are" or exist, according to our senses, but, in reality, the sky merely appears blue.
The same with emotions and faculties. When someone writes "I am happy," everyone knows you already "are" or exist, and that the feeling of happiness "is" or exists. An hour later, however, one can state "I am sad," and we know the same of your persistent existence and that sadness "is," but it communicates nothing new. All human faculties, emotions, and thought prove always in flux, changing, so one can never "be" happy or sad, but only feel happy or sad.
[/soapbox]
Wow, I feel like the biggest geek.
Anyway . . . back to the Koa's poetry . . .
Last edited by mono; 09-15-2005 at 01:44 PM.
and who 'invented' that? and... don't you ever forget not to use the verb 'to be'? I'd forget all the time cos I'm so used to using it... To me it seems like a little bit of 'forcing'...
You'd like the Russian language mono...they dont use the equivalent of verb 'to be' in the present tense, so they literally say "I - happy/I - sad"
They do use it in the past and future but often (i'm yet to understand when it's so and when not) then the object is not really direct... practically impossible to explain without explaining some grammar and it doesnt really seem the appropriate place.
Last edited by Koa; 09-16-2005 at 03:08 PM.
dead on the inside, i've got nothing to prove
keep me alive and give me something to lose
Koa, is English a second language for you? Your grasp of it is excellent if it is. But 'bursted' is not the past of 'burst'. The past of 'burst' is 'burst'. Why is the town flooded? Because the damn burst. Why did the house burn down? The boiler burst.
I have no idea who invented English prime, now that I think of it. My former college writing professor spoke much of it, but did not really force it upon her students, and I know Robert Anton Wilson wrote much of it as well. A poetry-writing instructor I had a few terms ago, however, absolutely hated the concept, and reading my poetry, I could see, often frustrated him, matched with my consistent rhyme.and who 'invented' that? and... don't you ever forget not to use the verb 'to be'? I'd forget all the time cos I'm so used to using it... To me it seems like a little bit of 'forcing'...
You'd like the Russian language mono...they dont use the equivalent of verb 'to be' in the present sent, so they literally say "I - happy/I - sad"
They do use it in the past and future but often (i'm yet to understand when it's so and when not) then the object is not really direct... practically impossible to explain without explaining some grammar and it doesnt really seem the appropriate place.
Of course, I still use linking verbs ("to be" verbs) in speech; otherwise, I would have to put an immense amount of thought in each spoken sentence, but in writing poetry and plays, I avoid linking verbs entirely.
Obviously, I do not profess it to others, as I have a very high respect and admiration for many writers and poets on this site (you, Koa, stand among them), and receive just as much pleasure as I would reading poetry without linking verbs.
Oops, I did not notice this. I certainly agree Koa has a very strong grasp on both writing and reading English as a non-native language, especially that I have heard most people have trouble learning English, due to our accents, slang, double-negatives, and the like.
Even as a native speaker of English, I, too, forgot "burst" also refers to the past-tense of "burst."
Last edited by mono; 09-16-2005 at 01:36 PM.
Oops...thanks for mentioning it! I swear I was wondering but I was too lazy to check, and I thought someone would point it out if it was wrong...so you did
mono, my spoken English and most of all my understanding of spoken English are nowhere near my writing skills... it's a matter of experience of course, but yes some English accents are quite terrible to grasp
As for the English Prime, I wasnt meaning that it was a forcing on other people, cos of course you didnt come across as saying it's great and we all should do so (thankfully
dead on the inside, i've got nothing to prove
keep me alive and give me something to lose
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