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Thread: Among The Frost

  1. #1
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    Among The Frost

    I trudge through five miles of inch thick snow
    To lay a rose under a bare oak tree
    And trace carvings of names I used to know;
    Names of loved ones, now gone and lost to me.
    Ev'ry winter I make this lone journey,
    Admiring the scene along the way:
    The snowflakes dance toward the ground, softly
    Yet are oft caught by the limbs of this grave,
    (Gravestone or tree trunk; they hold the same place
    Between death and the life it makes lonely)
    But some snow sinks beneath the tree limbs' lace.
    Then how well the cold has a hold of me
    A keen reminder of the loves I've lost
    So many years ago; among the frost

    Not my best, but it's my latest.

  2. #2
    King of Plastic Spoons imthefoolonthehill's Avatar
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    I like it. Some suggestions that (in my opinion) will make it much better.

    Keep everything the same except remove lines 4,13, and 14.

    I would also question your use of oft'. Why not often? Is there a reason for this?

    Try my suggestions, and see if you like it better. I think that removing those lines would make the poem less confrontational and more subtle.
    Told by a fool, signifying nothing.

  3. #3
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    It's a sonnet, written for school. So, I had some rules I had to stick to.

    Thank you for your suggestions! I'll probably change it up to better suit my personal taste when I get the time and I'll certainly take your insight into consideration.

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