My first Post! "Lena"

[CvdH]

Hi All this is my first post here! This the first page of my story i'll likely wright a new one daily hope you enjoy please comment!!

"Lena"


Her thin, fragile fingers grasped the handle of the cup. She lifted it up about 1 inch above the table, her hand was shaking, her eyes were wide with amazement, her long brown hair covered most of her eyes. She flashed a glance at the physical therapist and lost concentration. The mug fell a distance of around 5 inches to the old wooden table. The girl sighed and put her hand back on the armrest of the wheelchair. "I think we have done enough for today, lets go back to your room" says the physical therapist. He walks around the back of the wheelchair and pushes her out of the room. "You Ready now?" said Eve my physical therapist I nodded and grabbed the cold steel poll with both of my hands and pushed myself out of my wheelchair. My feet touched the ground and I tried to let them support my weight my hands were sweaty and i loosened my grip on the polls and let go I stood there for a minute and then my left leg sagged i tried to grasp the polls put i fell face foreword on the blue mats. "Lets try again" said Eve.
"Lets not" I answered with a heavy sigh.
"Come on, you can't quit on me now"!
"I know i can't but I really, really, really want to!"
"Come on!" said Eve as she lifted me up my my arm pits. I once again held on to the polls and loosened my grip and let go I was standing and started counting "1, 2, 3, 4, face plant!" "Now I quit?" I asked Eve sighed and nodded her head. She lifted me into the wheelchair and wheels my back to my room that I share with the girl from the physical therapy gym. She only arrived yesterday from Kindred Hospital in Seattle. She only lays there with her eyes closed and doesn't talk much.

[SpurYourImagina]

You have a point of view shift here:

He walks around the back of the wheelchair and pushes her out of the room. "You Ready now?" said Eve my physical therapist I nodded and grabbed the cold steel poll with both of my hands and pushed myself out of my wheelchair.

In the first sentence you are narrating from 3rd person point of view. In the second sentence, you switched to 1st person point of view. You should stay consistent with your point of view otherwise you will confuse the reader. I would suggest sticking with 3rd person just as you started with.

Also, I noticed the gender of the physical therapist changes from male at the beginning to female towards the end.

Other than that, you may consider lengthening it. Throw in some more powerful scenes that will embellish the message that you're trying to convey.

[CvdH]

Oh, sorry well the girl is a different character I am not the girl i'm the one watching her and then go on with my physical therapy, sorry if i confused you. The girls therapist is a male but mine is female (eve) once again sorry for the confusion and ill be adding to to it!