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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 276 21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 426

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 276 21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 426

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 426

    Simple Simon met a pie man,
    Going to the fair,
    The pie man worked at Greggs
    And his name was Kerr

    MY REMOTE CONTROL STOPPED WORKING

    My remote control stopped working
    And wouldnít operate the TV
    It turned out that the batteries were dead
    It was nothing short of AA calamity

    I HAVE SUFFERED WITH KIDNEY STONES

    I have suffered with Kidney stones
    But I am happy to declare
    That Elvis has left the building
    With more than one Jordanaire

    MY BEST FRIEND ASKED ABOUT MY MARRIAGE

    My best friend asked about my marriage
    And how things were going there
    I said I hadnít spoken to her for three weeks
    As I didn't want to interrupt her

    ARE YOU WEARING POINTY SHOES?

    Are you wearing pointy shoes?
    Is that because they are on trend?
    Well Iím sorry but I have to ask
    ďDo your toes go right to the end?Ē

    IF YOU NEED HELP WHEN MOVING HOUSE

    If you need help when moving house
    You can always call on your buddies
    Itís to be expected from everyday friends
    But great friends help you move bodies

    AN AGE OLD ADAGE THAT I KNOW

    An age old adage that I know
    States that friends may come and go
    But more worrying to calculate
    Is that enemies tend to accumulate

    IF YOU SCRATCH A CYNIC

    If you scratch a cynic,
    Beneath the exterior,
    You will probably find
    A disappointed dreamer

    DONíT LOOK BACK TO YESTERDAY

    Donít look back to yesterday
    Because that is now history
    Instead look ahead to tomorrow
    Because the future is a mystery

    DONíT TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED

    Donít take life for granted
    Treat each day as a gift
    Theyíre aptly called the present
    And each one gives you a lift

    DOES THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

    Does the pursuit of happiness
    Leave you ultimately unhappy
    Then donít pursue happiness,
    Instead you should just be happy

    YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE AVOIDING CONFLICT

    ďYou spend your life avoiding conflictĒ
    My new therapist has just said
    I suppose he has a point, because visiting
    War zones fills me with dread

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biggus View Post
    MY BEST FRIEND ASKED ABOUT MY MARRIAGE

    My best friend asked about my marriage
    And how things were going there
    I said I hadn’t spoken to her for three weeks
    As I didn't want to interrupt her.
    Rodney Dangerfield eat your heart out! (Elvis has left the building is pretty good, too).

  3. #3
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Another good collection ... though I don't get #1

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  4. #4

  5. #5

  6. #6
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Ahhhh... I was thinking of the Psychlo Ker

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  7. #7
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    .....
    Last edited by tailor STATELY; 07-27-2019 at 01:29 PM. Reason: duplicate bug
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

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