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Thread: lyrical

  1. #1
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    lyrical

    love a spirit
    free to inherit
    leisure likes
    merits
    is hysterics
    it has not learned
    lyrics are the
    foundations of relics
    that preserve when the heart
    reserves what a feeling deserves.
    Last edited by cacian; 07-13-2019 at 07:20 AM.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  2. #2
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    Hi Cacian, glad to see an offering!

    Lyrical is the perfect title for this

    When I am writing metered poetry, I write the meter as if it were music.
    Music is fairly predictable in that it is based off of counts.
    It's that predictability, that structure, that makes us able to dance to it, and aesthetically pleasing to watch a dance.
    Reading rhyming poetry is kind of like listening to music.
    Its that predictability that makes it easier and more enjoyable to read.

    Sometimes music will break its meter intermittently for effect or to change mood, right.
    You can do the same in poetry, but if you do it too often you lose your basic structure/meter.

    Most music has 32 counts of which it is consistently predictable.
    Even jazz, that is improv based, will stick with the same feel/rythme for awhile- maybe around 16 or so counts.


    In writing, it is the syllables that make the counts

    So here's the counts for your poem per syllable breakdown:

    love (1) a(1) spi-rit(2)..................4 counts total
    free (1) to (1) in-he-rit (3)............5 counts
    lei-sure (2) likes (1).....................3 counts
    me-rits (2)..................................2
    is hy-ste-rics...............................4
    it (1) has(1) not(1) learned(1).......4
    ly-rics are the..............................3
    foun-da-tions of re-lics..................6
    that pre-serve when the heart........7
    re-serves what a fee-ling de-serves8

    She how the the counts aren't uniform, there's no pattern.
    I tried giving it form with as little modification to meaning as I could come up with:

    love a spirit 4
    free to inherit 5
    leisure-like merits 5
    in hysterics 4

    it has not learned 4
    lyrics are relics 5
    foundations preserved 5
    when hearts preserve 4
    the feelings, all hearts, deserve 7 (you can break away from meter at the end because it isnt going to be followed up with anything after)

    So this kind of reads like a rap because the syllables per verse are short, making the reader want to read through them fast... like rap. Listen to rap and much of it has short verses with few syllables. You can change the pace a reader reads by modifying how many syllable you have per verse. Im going to make some modifications in counts and rythme structure now:


    love is a spirit 5
    who freely inherits 5
    leisure by it's hysterical merit.10
    Not having yet learned 5
    lyrics are relics 5
    Preserved in the feeling they choose to serve 10

    You see how the increased syllables per verse makes the reader have to slow down, just like music.


    Im no expert in writing or music but I hope this helps you think of the connection of syllables to meter and how that feels for the reader

  3. #3
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    lyrics are the foundations of relics
    that preserve when the heart
    reserves what a feeling deserves.

    This is especially beautifully said, to think of our words/poems as the foundation of the relics of our feelings. So true.

  4. #4
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowlight View Post
    Hi Cacian, glad to see an offering!

    Lyrical is the perfect title for this

    When I am writing metered poetry, I write the meter as if it were music.
    Music is fairly predictable in that it is based off of counts.
    It's that predictability, that structure, that makes us able to dance to it, and aesthetically pleasing to watch a dance.
    Reading rhyming poetry is kind of like listening to music.
    Its that predictability that makes it easier and more enjoyable to read.

    Sometimes music will break its meter intermittently for effect or to change mood, right.
    You can do the same in poetry, but if you do it too often you lose your basic structure/meter.

    Most music has 32 counts of which it is consistently predictable.
    Even jazz, that is improv based, will stick with the same feel/rythme for awhile- maybe around 16 or so counts.


    In writing, it is the syllables that make the counts

    So here's the counts for your poem per syllable breakdown:

    love (1) a(1) spi-rit(2)..................4 counts total
    free (1) to (1) in-he-rit (3)............5 counts
    lei-sure (2) likes (1).....................3 counts
    me-rits (2)..................................2
    is hy-ste-rics...............................4
    it (1) has(1) not(1) learned(1).......4
    ly-rics are the..............................3
    foun-da-tions of re-lics..................6
    that pre-serve when the heart........7
    re-serves what a fee-ling de-serves8

    She how the the counts aren't uniform, there's no pattern.
    I tried giving it form with as little modification to meaning as I could come up with:

    love a spirit 4
    free to inherit 5
    leisure-like merits 5
    in hysterics 4

    it has not learned 4
    lyrics are relics 5
    foundations preserved 5
    when hearts preserve 4
    the feelings, all hearts, deserve 7 (you can break away from meter at the end because it isnt going to be followed up with anything after)

    So this kind of reads like a rap because the syllables per verse are short, making the reader want to read through them fast... like rap. Listen to rap and much of it has short verses with few syllables. You can change the pace a reader reads by modifying how many syllable you have per verse. Im going to make some modifications in counts and rythme structure now:


    love is a spirit 5
    who freely inherits 5
    leisure by it's hysterical merit.10
    Not having yet learned 5
    lyrics are relics 5
    Preserved in the feeling they choose to serve 10

    You see how the increased syllables per verse makes the reader have to slow down, just like music.


    Im no expert in writing or music but I hope this helps you think of the connection of syllables to meter and how that feels for the reader
    Wow Shadowlight this amazing. I never thought of poetry this way. This is so interesting to read and take in. Thank you for taking the time to write this feedback. I much enjoyed.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  5. #5
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    London
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowlight View Post
    lyrics are the foundations of relics
    that preserve when the heart
    reserves what a feeling deserves.

    This is especially beautifully said, to think of our words/poems as the foundation of the relics of our feelings. So true.
    Thank you so glad you liked these lines.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

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