Alaska

[MiltonSatyr]

he sees Alaska
deep in her eyes
frozen by arctic
winds with chilled-shock
icicles under
pupils from frost
tundra-filled hearts
make the northern lights
color the atmosphere with the night
silence is telling time to slow down
as this cold desert absorbs all sound
lips are then fastened by lucid ice
lost in her caverns
of opal-white
with frigid darkness
and endless depths
that show the glacial
will shift their breath
and blend the clouds
that are crystallized

[Pompey Bum]

lost in her caverns
of opal-white
with frigid darkness
and endless depths
that show the glacial
will shift their breath
and blend the clouds
that are crystallized

Now there's a good bit of technical poetry. Very nice. But try it this way (if you want) for the euphonics and maybe end with a (muted) flourish:

lost in her caverns,
her snowy shroud,
her icy darkness,
her wintry depths,
that show the glacial
will shift their breath
and blend the clouds
that are crystallized
And find at last Alaska
in her eyes.

I hope the bold text is not confusing. It shows the assonance (yours and mine) with other suggestions that are just mine. I'm just trying to show how it could all fit together.

By the way, I'm not quite sure what "will shift their breath" means. Perhaps that could be made clearer somehow. I also changed "frigid darkness" to icy darkness and "endless depths" to to wintry depths. "Frigid" and "endless depths" could be taken as psychological states (perhaps that's what you meant), but it's best not to confuse a statement with a pure image--show don't tell. You may also want to change "deep in her eyes" (a commonplace if not exactly a cliche) to "in her eyes". These are only suggestions, of course. Follow your own vision.

[cacian]

very archaic and somehow charmingly intriguing.
much enjoyed!!

[tailor STATELY]

a beautiful woman so cold must be Alaska

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Pompey Bum]

a beautiful woman so cold must be Alaska

I'm surprised that Taylor, with his encyclopedic knowledge of music, didn't come up with this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=whn3K9Ll5aE

[tailor STATELY]

Quote Originally Posted by tailor STATELY View Post
a beautiful woman so cold must be Alaska
I'm surprised that Taylor, with his encyclopedic knowledge of music, didn't come up with this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=whn3K9Ll5aE

Good link, great band, definitely under my radar.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[tonywalt]

love this one