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Thread: I believe in you.

  1. #1
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    I believe in you.

    A raging sun cooks,
    from above,
    your naked, young back
    as you crawl across
    this skillet-floor
    that blisters your
    baby-belly skin.

    You
    can do
    this.

    In the stomach of this ocean
    your lungs are older now;
    they are balloons
    that move up through
    this blue cocoon of water.
    You front crawl faster
    as your tight
    muscles race toward
    the blurry lens of light
    that draws you to its warmth.
    You break the surface-crust,
    and the gasp you take in
    sounds like a rusty,
    loud door hinge.
    Breathe.
    From behind you is a rushing,
    radio-static growl;
    this tidal wave is about
    to crash like cars and crush you.

    You
    can do
    this.

    I believe in you.
    Last edited by MiltonSatyr; 06-22-2019 at 03:45 PM.

  2. #2
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    Cool Motivation

    Sun and water. Youth and old age. Through it all, you need motivation because of the constant attacks of the world. Or at least that is my interpretation. Nice.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkMage7790 View Post
    Sun and water. Youth and old age. Through it all, you need motivation because of the constant attacks of the world. Or at least that is my interpretation. Nice.
    You got it. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

  4. #4
    The Gnu Normal Pompey Bum's Avatar
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    Yes, that has more imagery than your earlier poems did, and it's mostly quite effective. Baby-belly skin on a skillet floor. No need to tell me about it (as in prose)--my mind already knows. Nice job.
    And this from a man in a bunny suit.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pompey Bum View Post
    Yes, that has more imagery than your earlier poems did, and it's mostly quite effective. Baby-belly skin on a skillet floor. No need to tell me about it (as in prose)--my mind already knows. Nice job.
    Glad you noticed. :P Though I do agree with you about the bab-belly skin line, I'm keeping it, haha. Also, I keep trying to add a comment on your Thistle poem, but I can't for some reason. It's really good. Thanks for the grammatical correction as well. I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

  6. #6
    The Gnu Normal Pompey Bum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MiltonSatyr View Post
    I keep trying to add a comment on your Thistle poem, but I can't for some reason. It's really good.
    Thank you, it's very kind of you to say so. Maybe I'll repost some of my old poems if I you are interested (and if I can dig them up). LitNet archaeology is a field unto itself.
    Last edited by Pompey Bum; 06-23-2019 at 11:02 AM.
    And this from a man in a bunny suit.

  7. #7
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    I'd like to see some reposts Pompey!
    Last edited by Shadowlight; 06-27-2019 at 02:34 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowlight View Post
    I'd like to see some reposts Pompey!
    Agreed!

  9. #9
    The Gnu Normal Pompey Bum's Avatar
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    You are both too kind. I will post a few right now under the title Pompey Bum Redux.
    And this from a man in a bunny suit.

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