21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 423

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone
But there was none
As she didnít have a dog
And was living in a home

ROSES ARE RUSSET

Roses are russet,
Violets are Sienna
I guess I must be
Colourblind then

MY WIFE MOCKED ME

When I said I would make a bike out of spaghetti,
I was greeted by the sound of my wifeís laughter
Well she was laughing on the other side of her face
On that wonderful day when I rode straight pasta

NUMBERS GUY

My next-door neighbour is a mathematician
Heís a seriously clever bloke is Graham
But heís scared to death of negative numbers
And he'll stop at nothing to avoid them

TELETUBBIES NEWS # 1

Breaking news, a Theme Park
For the Teletubbies is planned
But it only features one of them
Itís to be called Laa-Laa Land

I HAVE BEEN FIRED BY THE BAKERY

I have been fired by the bakery
Ten years I worked for them
However losing my job is now
The yeast of my problems

MY LOVE LIFE AT HOME IS VERY APT

My love life at home is very apt
Considering the Ice Dancer I am
As we begin with the compulsories
Followed by the short program

THERE ARE THREE TYPES OF DRIVER

There are three types of driver on our roads
Those who think other road users drive too fast
Those who think others drive too slow, and
And group three are the one theyíre referring to

MY BROTHER JOHNNY IS GAY

My brother Johnny is gay
Of that there is no doubt
Regrettably heís in the closet
And isnít going to come out
But heís not just in the closet
Johnny is way back in there
In fact heís so far back
Heís practically in Narnia

IíM A REALLY KEEN CRICKET FAN AND

Iím a really keen cricket fan and
This summer Iíve watched it everyday
But now itís over and I have discovered
That my wife left me back in May

I HAVE DISCOVERED AN ELEMENTAL FORCE

I have discovered an elemental force
Invisible to us all, it works like radar
That alerts every flying creature
When I have finished washing my car

AN ELEGANT HARPIST

There was an elegant girl playing a harp
And the ambiance couldnít have been nicer
It was culturally pretentious though, paying
A posh bird to play an oversized cheese slicer