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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 269

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 269

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 419

    Mary had a little lamb
    And she loved that lamb a bunch
    But she wasnít sentimental
    So they ate it for Sunday lunch

    MY WIFE MADE ME GO CAR HUNTING WITH HER

    My wife made me go car hunting with her
    As we have a family she wanted a People Carrier
    And the trip went okay until I upset her
    When I said that every car was a people carrier

    I LOVE BRUCE WILLIS MOVIES

    I love Bruce Willis Movies
    But I have been barred
    My wife told me to stop
    As our marriage had been marred
    So I tried to wean myself off them
    But Old habits Die Hard

    THE MARIJUANA DILEMMA

    If the long held supposition or dilemma,
    That the side effect of smoking marijuana
    Can cause short-term memory loss, is true
    Then what does smoking marijuana do?

    LIVING ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT

    For many, life isnít very bright
    Living on the Isle of Wight
    Itís very much, the have nots
    Outnumbering the have yachtís

    COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE

    It came completely out of the blue
    When my girlfriend broke up with me
    Because I was addicted to pasta, she said
    So at the moment I'm feeling cannelloni

    INPROPPER JOKES

    You can always spot when a risky joke is coming
    Homophobic, Sexist, Racist or something bolder
    And thatís because it begins, everytime without fail
    With one or more glances over the tellers shoulder

    IíM GOOD AT CHEMISTRY AND IíM FUNNY # 1

    Iím good at chemistry and Iím funny
    Those are my only talents, so far
    So when I was asked if I knew
    Any jokes about sodium, I replied Na

    FAMILY SUPPORT

    The only people who want to see me
    Succeed, are my family
    Everyone else sees me as competition,
    And thatís the reality

    ACURATELY DEFINING BIGOMY

    Having one wife too many
    Accurately defines bigamy
    But having said that, in my case
    So does monogamy

    MY WIFE BOUGHT ME A QUILTED COAT

    My wife bought me a quilted coat
    Which I avoid wearing whenever I can
    And thatís simply because it makes me
    Look like a deflated Michelin man

    I DISCOVERED MY FAVOURITE DUCK WAS SICK # 1

    I discovered my favourite duck was sick
    So I called for the local vet to attend
    On arrival the Vet soon reassured me
    And it was a simple Mallardy in the end

  2. #2
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    Oh man, that first one had me laughing out loud! That and the bigamy one my favs.

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