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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 265

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 265

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 415

    Itsy bitsy spider
    Climbed up the water spout
    Arriving in the shower
    As she was getting out
    And that was when
    She began to scream or shout

    DAREDEVILISH # 2

    Some activities in life
    Since time began
    Build your self-esteem
    Like no others can
    One such activity
    Of which I’m a fan
    Is prodding a fire with a stick
    As it makes me feel like a man

    WHY DID THE CHEWING GUM CROSS THE HIGHWAY?

    Why did the chewing gum cross the highway?
    Isn’t a question you get asked every day
    However, the answer is actually a simple one
    Because it was stuck to a chicken's bum

    PICKUP # 24

    When you’re on the pull
    If you want to break the ice
    Say something funny
    Or say something nice
    Be devastatingly witty
    Or say something clever
    Be complimentary
    Or just lie in your endeavour
    “I’m not a waiter but
    Allow me to tell you”
    You can begin to say
    “What’s on the menu, is Me-n-u”

    I PHONED THE SWINE FLU HOTLINE

    I phoned the swine flu hotline
    When my chest started rattling
    Because that was the advice
    But all I got was crackling

    I'VE JUST SPLIT UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

    I've just split up with my girlfriend,
    Which actually shocked me to the core
    As it was a long-standing relationship
    Maybe we should have sat down more

    I GOT INTO TROUBLE FOR TELLING

    I got into trouble for telling
    A self-harming joke
    I know self-harm isn’t funny
    But I’m a funny bloke
    So I won’t beat myself up
    Because it was just a joke

    BREXIT IS A TERRIBLE NAME

    Brexit is a terrible name,
    It really makes me see red
    And sounds like a remedy
    For when you are constipated

    IRONIC ADVERTISING

    I fell about laughing when I saw Serena
    In an ironic Advertisement for Tempur
    As given her recent display of stress
    It should have been a “bad Tempur” mattress

    WOULD YOU THINK ME QUITE MAD

    Would you think me quite mad
    If I asked what bird is always sad
    If not, what bird would you say
    And would you say the blue jay

    WHAT DO YOU CALL A ROOSTER WHO WAKES

    What do you call a rooster who wakes
    You up every morning at five o’clock
    His actual name is Foghorn Leghorn
    But we like to call him the alarm ****

    THE OLD SAYING GOES

    The old saying goes
    Don't put all your eggs in one basket
    But surely it should be
    Or was it don’t put both legs in one gusset

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    Enchant Me

    Your very being a desire for answer
    Lament not your unassailable mystery
    Enchant me with your dreams

    5-14-2005

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